Youth and diffidence united.

6/29/2012 The Lady 3 Comments

Why is that women must suffer from nice person syndrome and men do not? We are brought up to always be gracious and accept dates no matter what. The only exception being if we feared for the well-being of our physical person. But men do not have to abide this rule as they are the ones who do the asking. If they don't like a girl or are not interested in her, they simply don't ask her out. Thus avoiding most awkward dating experiences. (I do realize that men do have awkward experiences, but allow to generalize). But upon us--the female sex--are heaped the mountains of awkward dating stories because we must always accept.

On Wednesday, I rode with my roommates and some guy friends to a ward party. As I clambered into the tightly packed car, I was introduced to Mr. Ward Friend's younger brother, Mr. Innocence. I thought to myself, "How cute, Mr. WF brought his sixteen-year-old brother (who must be visiting from _______) with him to the ward party for a taste of 'college life.'"  The car ride was uneventful as most car rides tend to be. The ward party however, was a different sort of eventful. Throughout the course of the evening, I would catch Mr. Innocence staring at me while I chatted with different groups of people. When he would see me notice him staring, he would grin widely and wave enthusiastically. I would laugh and wave back all the while thinking, "What a funny little kid." By the end of the party, Mr. Innocence was following me around, telling me corny jokes, and giggling wildly at anything I said. As precious as he was, I had no desire to encourage a sixteen-year-old. Unfortunately, on the way home I somehow ended up being wedged between Mr. WF and his little brother who decided it would be fun to play corners through the Provo Canyon. Delightful. When the two buffoons weren't busy squashing me with their bony shoulders, Mr. WF spent his time making ridiculous comments. Example: "Lady, if you're feeling sleepy you could just put your head on Mr. Innocence's shoulder, he would love that!" I had never before noticed how long it took to get back to Provo from the canyon.

When we pulled up to our apartment complex, I sprang from the car as fast as I could, but Mr. Innocence called after me and came jaunting to my side. My heart cringed as I knew what was coming. Isn't this illegal?! "Hey," he began shakily, "so my brother, an old mission companion and I are doing a group date tomorrow, and I was wondering if you would like to come with me?" Wait, you're not sixteen? You've actually graduated high school and served a mission? I don't know if I was more relieved or worried. I had spent all night with this guy who I thought was a minor and he pulled off a convincing show, but it turns out he is a returned missionary who just happens to look and act like a child. Goodie.

But I followed the rules, as I knew I must. I agreed to the date.


I made some unwise decisions the next day. By a random happenstance, I had the afternoon off work, so I decided I would spend my it lounging at the pool. Being unlike most people, who find swimming and being in the sun refreshing, the combination of sunshine and water have the ability to steal away every ounce of energy from my body. Once I step out of the pool, I become listless, fumbling, uncaring, and sometimes even bitter. Over the years, I have come to avoid swimming as much as possible because said ramifications. So spending hours at the pool before this date was not one of my best decisions.

While I battled with my wet and gnarled hair, I glared gloomily at my reflection and thought about how much I was dreading this date. When Mr. Innocence knocked on the door, my faithful roommate promised to call me at 11:00 pm with a prepared emergency if I wasn't home by then. I put on a brave face, but could feel that my feigned pleasantness could only last an hour because of how much of my life-source the sun had stolen. Mr. Innocence and I walked over to Mr. WF's apartment where we were greeted by the other happy couples and a large pot of hastily prepared spaghetti. With every minute, an ounce of annoyance was ladled into my being. Spaghetti being one of my least favorite meals was the last thing I wanted to see that night. After a dinner full of pointless small talk and awkward silences broken only by the slurping of spaghetti, the men explain that night's activity. "It's really fun," they promised. Mr. WF looked at his watch, "Yeah, but we better get started soon because I've never done this in less than five hours before." I inwardly groaned. Not only was I on a date with a high school look-a-like, but I was on one of those pre-prom group dates with poorly cooked food and hours and hours of useless hanging out.

Mr. Innocence surprisingly wasn't a bad date that night. In fact by the end of it, I was grateful that I was on the date with him instead of with Mr. WF (who I thought was my friend?). But also by the end of the night's activities, I was ready to strangle everyone in the room. The date was over four hours long, and if I was having an ounce of annoyance ladled into my being every minute, that means by the end of the night I had over 240 ounces of annoyance burning inside of me, if not more. Mr. WF mentioned by the end that he was surprised by how quickly we had finished. He was on the verge of suggesting another activity when one of the other girls mentioned that she had work early in the morning. Bless you.

I went on a prom date. With a child. No, with three grown children and their dates. It wasn't the worst date of my life, but good heavens I hope to never have to suffer through one like it again.

At least I can say that I'm still faithfully following the rules of always saying, "Yes."

Con Amor,
The Lady

Something akin to an automobile accident

6/28/2012 The Romantic 5 Comments

Once again, I've gotten myself into quite the situation. And I would say that I have no idea how I got myself here, but I do. It's because I'm a nice person.

The Lady and a boy named Dex: My life is not a Jane Austen novel.

6/24/2012 The Lady 1 Comments

If my life were a Jane Austen novel, it might be a tad more impressive than it actually is. If right now, I were the heroine of one of said novels, I might be on my death bed being bled by the local physician (who was really only doing the best he could with the way modern medicine was going), or I might be stealing furtive glances at the man I love in a crowded room, or I might even be standing on an impressive precipice musing over my love life in a overly dramatized and romantic sort of way. 

The Boys of Apt. 117: Part 3

6/23/2012 The Charmer 1 Comments

There is an apartment of boys who will live in infamy in the memory of my sophomore-year roommates. The boys of Apartment 117 caused tears, confusion, and lots of lots of laughter because once upon a time, I got mixed up with the boys who lived in Apartment 117.
This is their/my/our story. 

..........................................................................................................................................................

I mentioned last time that Dorian asked for my number right in front of Byron, who (unfortunately) was in love with me. After flirt-texting for a day or so, Dorian stopped by my apartment and asked me out for that weekend. I really hoped that Cedric and Byron didn't hear about it.

That Friday, Dorian and I went out on a somewhat Provo-cliche date to Trafalga. Surprisingly, I found myself really enjoying the date; Dorian was easy to talk to, funny, and used just the right amount of touchiness. After a subsequent movie at his friend's apartment, I found myself sitting in Dorian's car in our apartment complex's parking lot. The date had been fun, but it was 1:30 in the morning and I was definitely ready to be done. But for some reason, we were just sitting there in his car. Every time I felt like we were about to head inside, he kept talking to me. Suddenly there was a lull in the conversation, and he gave me the look. Now any girl who has been kissed before has probably experienced "the look." Guys always get it right before they kiss you. My thought process went something like this: Really?! Is he REALLY going to kiss me right now?! Gah....should I kiss him back...or...or open the door and run away?

Anyways, he did kiss me. And I did kiss him back. I mean, what was I supposed to do? I was trapped in his car.

However, since I wasn't totally sure that I wanted to kiss him, I cut it off pretty quickly. And...well...it was sort of an awkward moment. Not gonna lie.

To make a long story short, Dorian and I hung out a couple more times but nothing else ever happened. Sure, he was fun, but I realized I definitely wasn't interested in dating him. Byron eventually backed off and I began only seeing him occasionally. Although I continued to try and pursue Cedric (who had no idea Dorian and I had even gone on a date, much less known that Dorian and I had shared a kiss), eventually it was clear that he wasn't interested. He ended up dating his ex-girlfriend again.

So...that's the end, right?

Not quite.

Months later, The Roommate and I ended up at the grocery store with Alastair and Edgar. It was one of those loopy crazy nights when secrets are flying, and we ended up telling them the whole story of what had gone down between me and their three roommates. Alastair was surprised by the whole thing and was apparently clueless as to all that had transpired. Edgar, however, knew about everything; he even let me know that Cedric had indeed been interested in me at one point (yesss!). We all laughed about it. Silly boys.

And then when the other two weren't paying attention, Edgar let me know that he, in fact, had wanted to date me ever since he'd first met me.

Yikes.

And THAT is the story of Apartment 117.

Epilogue: Cedric, Byron, and Dorian are all married now.
Cedric and I never did go on a date; instead, he married his ex-girlfriend (who obviously became his girlfriend again at some point).
Edgar and I went on a date and he gave me a Christmas present after telling me that he'd only gotten presents for two people: his mom and me. Awkward.
Alastair went on to have a short-lived fling with one of my roommates and actually became good friends with The Roommate and I. He now lives in Mr. Director's apartment complex and I occasionally run into him.

xoxo
the charmer 


I'm heading out of state tomorrow to do a couple sessions of EFY, so I won't be blogging for the two weeks. Alas, I am also sorry to report that my mission call has NOT come yet, so it will probably be sitting in my mailbox and waiting for me until I return to the land of Provo. If that becomes the case (which I suspect it will), I am going to try my hardest not to think about that big white envelope just sitting there...containing the secrets of my future....so close but yet so far.....yeah.

When good efy counselors go bad

6/21/2012 The Romantic 1 Comments

Just in case you haven't "liked" us on facebook yet, I'd once again like to apologize for my current MIA status. My computer has a nasty virus. And so I can only communicate to you all via snatched moments on the public library's computers.You didn't miss much during the last few weeks. Just the awkward conversation I had with my ward's resident Mr. Collins; in which he proceeded to tell me how he didn't think Jane Austen was "that big of all deal" given the fact that all her plot lines are "pretty much the same". Poor fellow. He had no idea who he was dealing with. I decided to just smile and nod, feeling no need to cause a scene at the big annual ward luau.

And then there was last week. When I was unexpectedly hired to work at efy. It was more than I could've hoped for. And I could go on for hours and hours about the amazing experiences I had. But that's for a different blog at a different time. Here's the blog where I tell the story of my dear, dear co-counselor. We spent the week working well together. There was no flirtations of any kind. It wasn't until Saturday when he started sending me texts. You know the texts I mean. Vaguely flirty, with all sorts of implications and teasing. Naturally, being the recently returned RM that I am (who looks at every man I meet as potential FEC material, because maybe Heavenly Father put me in that position), I flirted back. Even that first day, I was freaking out. He was a good guy, but something didn't sit right.
"Benji's texting me! I don't know what to do!" I texted to a fellow counselor.
 "UMMM GO FOR IT! He's funny and cute!" she replied. 
So, with some trepidation, I "flirt texted" back. The next day, I learned that one of my mission companion's room mates knew Benji. So I texted my old companion, "Sooo... my co-counselor from last week knows your room mate." That's when things turned sour. To make a long, mostly textual, story short, I learned that dear old Benji and been skyping and texting my old mission buddy's room mate for several months. Promises of visits across states, and marriage had been mentioned. I was mortified! Non-comittal flirting can be fine. But not when you're already involved with someone else. But especially when that someone else is a poor innocent 18 year old. And even though I probably wouldn't choose Benji as a suitor, I felt a moral obligation to help out this poor innocent 18 year old. I had a choice. Confront him, or just let it go. I decided not to make contact unless he initiated things first. The next day, Benji texted me asking if I was going to a dance on Friday night. When I mentioned the distance he would have to drive, he answered back with a, "I would come all the way just for you" (insert eye roll here) So I called my mission companion wondering what to do. I've never been one for confrontation and the situation would only become muddier the more time went on. She handed the phone off to her room mate, who had some very interesting things to tell me. Including a not so nice off handed comment he had made about me behind my back. That was it. Poor Benji never saw it coming. Essentially, I told him what I had learned. And that while I had enjoyed our week working together immensely, and would like to be friends, I just couldn't tolerate that kind of behavior. I feel like I was dignified and mature while still standing up for myself and the other girl involved. But then yesterday, I had doubts. I began to second guess myself. Did I do the right thing? Did I make the right choice? Maybe I was too harsh... Maybe I should text him after that thinly veiled angry facebook status was plainly directed at me. And then I found out that instead of just two girls, dear old Benji was stringing three of us along.
 I think it's time for a man fast...
Or at least an asian man fast.
 xoxo
-the Romantic

A Break Up: Bark vs Bite

6/21/2012 The Closer 4 Comments

For the past week The Lone Wanderer has been gradually easing his way further and further out of clear I-am-trying-to-date-you territory. Whenever I would wait for him to initiate contact, it would be several days between conversations. Then the times when we would talk, things were much friendly, not the fun flirtation that we enjoyed for a few weeks previously. I have to admit, although feeling ignored and neglected made me annoyed, it also was a relief. He and I seem to speak different love languages, and I don't think either of us was invested enough to learn a new language for the other, and that just leaves you with two people that never feel loved.

I finally confronted the elephant in the room last night. I asked him if he was trying to date me or just be my friend, because I couldn't tell anymore. This led to a conversation about the difficulties of trying to date long distance. At this point, I'm not sure that we would have worked even if he did live in town, but I think that was a nice and easy way for neither of us to feel scorned and rejected. It was a relatively painless and adult conversation, ending with the decision to just be friends. I will be curious to see how well we can actually stay friends. On the one hand, we won't have that frustrating chemistry that comes from being near someone you once kissed, or the irritation that comes from watching that person flirt with someone new. On the other hand, the effort required to stay in contact with a once-interest-now-a-friend-who-doesn't-live-here will be harder to find the motivation for, as the excitement of romance has now dissipated. *sigh

Overall I feel good. I think this was a good call, and I'm happy that he and I are on the same page.

This whole experience with The Lone Wanderer has brought me to a surprising realization. When I was around The Lone Wanderer, I felt good sometimes, but I also felt unsettled and insecure and not myself. The day after coming back from Idaho I was in worry-ridden daze. That next night Mr. Manager dropped off potatoes (yes potatoes, it's an inside joke) in hopes of borrowing my crock pot. I brought over the crock pot and stayed to chat with him for a few minutes. Literally within those minutes, I felt light, and happy, and worth a million bucks. It was such a startling comparison. That's how I want to feel around the man I marry. I want to feel just like I do around Mr. Manager.  ...Except maybe with more butterflies.

While I was writing this post, I heard the familiar clank of a piece of bark on my window. At least a couple of times a week, Mr. Manager throws a piece of bark at my window before he goes to bed (he lives right next door). I don't know why he did it the first time, but he did, and now he thinks it's funny, so whenever he goes out and sees that the light is on in my bedroom, picks up a piece of bark from the flower bed, and throws it at my window. I smiled when I heard it.

Then there are times like the other day when we were talking and he prefaced a question with "If you were a girl".

IF I was a girl? 

I didn't smile when I heard that. I think I glared at him.

If you were me (you know, a girl), would you think you were this guy's BFF and nothing more, or that maybe he was a little bit in love with you back?

Yours Truly,

The Closer

The Boys of Apartment 117: Part 2

6/19/2012 The Charmer 2 Comments

There is an apartment of boys who will live in infamy in the memory of my sophomore-year roommates. The boys of Apartment 117 caused tears, confusion, and lots of lots of laughter because once upon a time, I got mixed up with the boys who lived in Apartment 117.
This is their/my/our story. 

xoxo
the charmer

When I last left you, I'd found out that Alastair had told his roommates that Byron and I were dating. I was not pleased. I'd also heard a rumor that Cedric had been spending time with his ex-girlfriend, which explained why he'd been MIA the past couple weeks. Again, not pleased. So, like the tactless sophomores we were, my roommate and I invited Cedric over for a chat. We said we "needed his advice." Basically, I explained to him that I wasn't interested in Byron but I had a feeling that Byron was very interested in me, and I wasn't sure how to approach it. (Really, the motive behind this discussion was obviously to let Cedric know that I wasn't interested in Byron and thus he, Cedric, should keep pursuing me!) Cedric told me that Byron had expressed an interest in dating me exclusively and was probably going to approach me about it. (NOOO!) Cedric told me that I should just be honest with Byron and let him know how I felt.

That Sunday, Byron shows up at my door and asks if I can come into the apartment hallway and talk to him. Umm...awkward. I glance at my roommates, who have all definitely taken notice of the situation, leave my apartment, and try my hardest not to wince as Byron smiles at me. He's going to ask me out. Oh no. What do I do?!?! He looked at me, took a deep breath, and said, "Charmer, I think you're beautiful and one of the most amazing people I know and I wouldn't be opposed to a relationship with you..." [my heart started racing, and not in a pleasant way]... "BUT I think it might be best if we're just friends." I did a double take. Did he really just say that? Was I saved from awkwardly rejecting the poor kid?! YES YES YES!  I was thrilled, even though it was obvious he didn't really just want to be friends. But the words had come out of his mouth, not mine, and so I was a happy woman. I found out later that he'd asked Cedric about me, and Cedric had advised him that I wasn't interested in a relationship. The Roommate and I were pleased that our little chat had done its job.

So, this story is over, right? The Charmer can go on to pursue Cedric, right?
Not quite.

My experience with the boys of Apt. 117 taught me that boys don't always communicate very well with each other, since apparently Dorian never got the memo that Byron was extremely interested in me. Later that week, I was studying in the apartment lobby when Dorian and Byron popped out of nowhere. Although I assumed Byron would sit next to me, it was Dorian who sidled up next to me. Byron, a bit dejected, sat across the room from us and pulled out a biochem textbook. I could feel his eyes on me as Dorian pulled out an iPod to entertain me with playlists of his favorite artists. I knew Byron was just dying as Dorian and I sat, laughing and chatting across the room from him. Wanting to spare the poor kid, I got up to leave. I said goodbye to the boys and congratulated myself for avoiding what could have become a terribly awkward situation. Unfortunately, my congratulatory gesture was premature.
Dorian, obviously clueless about Byron's intentions, stopped me and asked if he could get my number.

So...well...I gave it to him. And I just hoped that Byron was as engrossed in his biochem reading as he was pretending to be.


...TO BE CONTINUED (before next Tuesday, don't worry!)...

PS- I would like to point out that this story is so confusing and absurd that I had to pull out my old journal just to make sure I got the details and the timeline right. So that quote from Byron about "not being opposed to a relationship" is an exact quote. And as I read my journal I also realized that my sophomore self was ridiculously boy-crazy and out of control. Just sayin'.

Weekend Update on The Lone Wanderer: Part II

6/13/2012 The Closer 1 Comments

I came back from my weekend rendezvous with The Lone Wanderer about two weeks ago to a whirlwind of questions from the friends that I had told. I don't know that I've mentioned this before, but relationships and relationship-type things stress. me. out. As much as I enjoyed my time with The Lone Wanderer, I felt incredibly anxious when I left Idaho. You know those times when you're not quite sure if you are getting some sort of "warning" or you're just working yourself into a tizzy over nothing? It was one of those times.

The whole drive back my mind was buzzing with doubts and excitement and fears and butterflies. I was conflicted. I was upset that I was so conflicted, because he had told me that he thought the weekend went even better than he had hoped. That must mean that there were no feelings of conflict for him, because I couldn't voice those same sentiments. He also called me a  few hours into the drive back home to tell me that he couldn't stop thinking about our weekend.

(Insert smiles mixed with high anxiety here)

What didn't help the anxiety was knowing the whirlwind of questions that I was coming home to. I was silently hoping that I would get home late enough to not see my roommates, and get the night to process what I was thinking and feeling. Luckily I arrived home just late enough for them to already be in bed.

At this point, the signs were telling me that The Lone Wanderer was very much into me. And I was not at all feeling ready for something big or serious with him. We never had a "DTR" sort of conversation, so when people would ask what we were, I would tell them that we enjoyed the weekend and we were still seeing where things might go. Then something odd happened. We went from texting all day and talking every night to practically nothing. There was a stretch of four days where we didn't talk at all. It looked a little like this: 

Our contact plummeted, and I didn't know why. Was it because all the excitement got used up for our big meet up? Was he freaking out as much as I was? Was he just busy and I was over-analyzing things?

All this did was add to my stress, and confusion, as well as roll some annoyance into the mix.

You may notice that at the "Now" marker on the timeline, the contact starts to increase again. I finally decided to be a grown up and voice to him that I had noticed that we hadn't been talking as much, and when I wouldn't hear from him until ten o'clock at night, it would made me feel like an afterthought. I voiced to him that it was important to me that I feel like some sort of priority in his life, because if we're not talking, we have nothing- we live in two different states after all. I made sure to talk to him while I wasn't upset, because the last thing I wanted to do was make him feel nagged, I simply wanted to vocalize my needs.

Since that conversation I have noticed an increase in his efforts, and that has been comforting to see.

I still have all of those stressed and anxious feelings from before that I need to evaluate. I don't have that "This is wonderful! Proceed!" feeling. Not that I should, I am just noting that I do not. I also don't have a "Stop! This is the worst decision you could ever possibly make!" feeling. As of right now, I am waiting. Waiting to see if he will still treat me like I am worth working for. If he is willing to still act like he is trying to earn my affections, versus acting like they have already been earned and the work is done. The jury is still out on The Lone Wanderer, but at least my head is more in the game this time around.

Yours Truly,

The Closer

The Boys of Apartment 117: A Whimsical Dating Story from the Life of The Charmer

6/12/2012 The Charmer 2 Comments

Since my dating life has been particularly boring lately (read=nonexistant) due to the fact that everyone thinks I'm dating Mr. Director (and I guess I basically am) and my life is consumed by school, work, and play rehearsals/performances (aka no free time), I decided to pull some stories out of my dating archives to share with you.
This is a good one, but it's kind of long and has the potential to be confusing. So I'll split it up into a couple of posts.

xoxo
t.c.


There is an apartment of boys who will live in infamy in the memory of my sophomore-year roommates. The boys of Apartment 117 caused tears, confusion, and lots of lots of laughter because once upon a time, I got mixed up with the boys who lived in Apartment 117.
This is their/my/our story.

To keep things easy, we'll just give them all alphabetical names. The five roommates are:
Alastair
Byron
Cedric
Dorian
Edgar

I first met Alastair, Byron, and Cedric at my birthday party. As new sophomores, my roommate and I were determined to establish a social life just as exciting as the one we'd had our freshman year, so we threw a big birthday bash when I turned 19. I immediately had a major crush on Cedric and after the party, my roomie and I proceeded to do a very thorough Facebook stalk of him (which just means we clicked "Older Posts" until there were no more older posts) until 1 or 1:30 in the morning. It was official: he was cute, funny, interesting, and was the perfect "first real boyfriend" material. My sights were set.

Luckily for me, the next week involved further flirtations with Cedric at the ward social and at a subsequent movie night he threw at his apartment. I had to ward off a couple of other potential admirers, but in the end, I was the one sitting next to him at the movie night. I considered that a triumph. I'd like to add that we were sitting in very close proximity at the movie night as we all watched a (likely pirated) copy of Joseph Smith: Prophet of the Restoration. Romantic, eh?  
Anyways, Cedric definitely seemed interested and I was definitely excited. I began concocting all sorts of plans, such as how we could carpool to Idaho for Thanksgiving so that I could visit my grandparents (at the time, I didn't realize that his hometown of Idaho Falls was actually in the opposite direction of Boise, where my grandparents lived).

Sometime during our hangouts that week, I also met the other two roommates, Dorian and Edgar. Edgar was the poetic musician type and seemed to keep to himself. Dorian was charismatic and friendly and Cedric kept referring to him as the "hot" roommate. Sure, he was cute enough...but he was also the stereotypical California boy and definitely not "my type," so I didn't pay him much attention. (Plus, I had my eye on Cedric and Cedric only! Duh!)

In the midst of my scheming that week, I was surprised when Byron stopped by and asked me on a date for that weekend. Of course, I said yes, and so that Saturday we doubled with Alastair and his girlfriend on a date to the Timpanogos Storytelling Festival. It was fun, but I missed most of the stories because Byron wanted to talk the whole time. I later learned that this was a big deal for him, since Byron wasn't the type of guy who opened up to girls very easily.

I think Byron and I went on another date the next week. For some reason I can't remember it, but he told me his whole life story at one point in our friendship so I'm assuming there was another date in there somewhere.(There was also a 3-hour round trip drive to eastern Utah, but that's a different story.) Unfortunately for me, during this two week time period I didn't see Cedric much. I worried that the miniscule progress we'd made towards a real relationship might have been lost during our flirt-less weeks. I tried to figure out how I could let him know that I was interested.

THEN I found out a bit of horrifying news: after the Storytelling Festival, Alastair told the other boys of 117 that Byron and I had really hit it off and were practically dating. When I found out, I couldn't believe it! NO NO NO! How was I supposed to win over Cedric if he thought I was interested in his roommate? No wonder he'd seemed to back off! Sure, Byron was nice, but there was definitely no interest on my part.

What was this little Charmer to do?

...TO BE CONTINUED...

"Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery: part II"

6/11/2012 The Blue Stocking 6 Comments

Bingley and his girl started dating in March.

Weekend Update on The Lone Wanderer

6/06/2012 The Closer 3 Comments

I am sure that you have been dying to hear an update on this exciting news. Alright, alright, I'll give it!

Memorial Day weekend I rendezvoused with The Lone Wanderer in Idaho, wondering if the same chemistry would be there that we had in text and on the phone. The last time I had seen him, we were still friends that hadn't admitted to liking one another. I was so nervous and excited to find out what things would be like now it was all out in the open.

I was there in Idaho for two days, and had plenty to keep us busy. Over the two days we went on a few walks and hikes, and let me tell you, this guy is ridiculous, in a good way. On one of our hikes he would point to almost every plant and tell me about what it could be used for. "Oh this one you can snap off and make a blow gun out of, this one is great for weaving baskets, these berries can be used as yeast, you can make rope out of this bark- here, I'll show you". I now have a six inch piece of rope that he made for me out of tree bark. Tell me any of you other ladies can say that!

We went on a walk by a river and talked about some of our life experiences, how we ended up where we are. It was great getting to know and understand him better with that perspective.

I cooked him dinner at my cousin's house one of the nights, and he loved it. Afterwards we watched a movie, and cuddled.

Anddddddd... we kissed.

Insert smile here.

There was so much build up of expectation for this weekend, that I think we were both pretty worried about it not living up to them, or worse yet, it being a total bust. On my last day there he told me "I didn't think it was possible, but this weekend has been even better than I had hoped for."

(!!!) Insert more smiles here.

I came home to a flurry of questions from the friends I had told. "How was it??" "Did he kiss you??" "What do you think of him??" "So are you guys dating now??" "Did you DTR??"

Geez louise those kinds of questions are stressful, but I answered them all.

So what is going on now with me and The Lone Wanderer? I guess you'll have to wait until next week to find out...

Yours Truly,

The Closer

Waiting Game

6/06/2012 The Charmer 8 Comments

This blog post is going to be another short, relatively unexciting one, just FYI. Maybe next week I'll tell you a good ol' dating story from my more exciting college years. ;)

I haven't had much time to go out and do blogworthy things since my time is consumed by work, classes, and five hours of rehearsal every night. Our show opens soon, though, which means we'll have a real audience...and LESS REHEARSALS! Yay! Who knows, maybe some of you are actually planning on coming to see the show! If so, you'll get to see a lot of Mr. Director and Hunk and you'll see me for like 15 minutes total in various unflattering shades of green. Oh well. It's fun. :)

Speaking of Mr. Dir, we've been having a lovely couple of weeks. Sure, we're still in that awkward "dating-not-dating-friendship" phase, but now that I've decided to stop letting it bug me it's really not an issue. He's become my best friend and so the time we spend together is just comfortable and fun. Of course, the rest of the cast members love the fact that Mr. Dir and I sort of have a thing. Their favorite question is, "Do you think he'll propose?! What if he proposed...what would you say?"
Gah. I don't know what I would say. I will admit the wonderful time that we've been spending has made me a bit wavery about the mission. (But just a bit.)

And that brings me to (more) exciting news...MY PAPERS ARE GOING IN THIS WEEK!!! Luckily, we got the dental situation all figured out. So, I met with my stake president on Sunday and he gave me the go-ahead. A mission call will be on its way to me in 2-3 weeks! YESSSS!
I'll be honest, it hasn't quite hit me yet. I think once I'm actually holding the envelope in my hands is when I'll finally be nervous. It will be like the times I got my AP scores in the mail and I didn't want to open the envelope...but I just had to know. (I will have you know that I was quite pleased with all of my AP scores, by the way.)

So far, I've had a couple people guess Argentina, a few people guess Russia (I really don't think I'm going to Russia, btw), and a whole lot of people smirk at me and say "TEMPLE SQUARE!"  So I guess we'll see. Recently, I have really warmed up to the idea of being sent to Temple Square. I think I'd love that mission. But alas, despite the fact that I have no inkling of where I will be sent, I do have a feeling that it won't be to Temple Square. I'd love a church history mission, like the Nauvoo or Rochester (NY) missions, but my top choice is still Taiwan.

And now...I just wait. I don't like waiting, but it is fun to think about how close I am to getting my call and ponder on all the possibilities of where I might go! Eep! Where do you think I'll be sent?

Kisses,
The Charmer

"Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery"

6/04/2012 The Blue Stocking 6 Comments

The Lady and a boy named Dex: Where do we go from here?

6/01/2012 The Lady 3 Comments

Once upon a time, The Lady fell in love. Honest to goodness love. This is the story of her journey in and out of it and back into it again. {In five million parts}.


Dex is officially home. I am not planning on pouncing on him right away for fear of scaring away any good feelings towards me. I must do my best to be natural, calm, and perhaps even coy in regards to my true feelings. At this time there is a fine line between being entirely too hopeful and being too pessimistic. There is no reason for him to have any feelings left for me, at least not any that are kind. I have no reason to hope for anything beyond cold courtesy from him. And yet, I have never believed him to be the sort of person who so easily forgets. In the words of our beloved Jane, “A man does not recover from such a devotion of the heart to such a woman!--He ought not--he does not.” Not that I am "such a woman," but to Dex I once was. I like to believe that once upon a time, I was everything to him, that our dream {the wrap-around porch, the massive library, the numberless children} was everything to him. I sometimes wonder if it all was just in my head. Perhaps.

I have always been worried about a person such as myself getting married. How can I promise to be faithful to one person in both body and mind when every week a new man entertains my fancy? Although it may seem silly to you, it is a legitimate fear of mine. But it has become much less of a worry now. I always feared that I wouldn't be able to let go of all the men in my past {Mr. Cowboy, Mr. Tennis, The Best Friend, Mr. Rival, The Sergeant, etc.} and that I would always get attached to the new ones that stepped into my life. But I do not fear that now. Everyone has seemed to slip away. Even the men I was shamelessly flirting with last week seem so unimportant. I am simply disinterested. Dex takes up most of my thoughts, whether for good or ill. There is only him right now.

And if it doesn't work out, if it goes the way I imagine it will, I will be back in Provo with a new sense of self. My entire past will be behind me and officially put to rest. There will doubtless be a few tears shed on my part, a great feeling of hopelessness and fear as to what to do now, but I will never mourn as I did before. It will not undo me this time. And I will forgive. I will forgive him for every ounce of pain and trouble, and I will forgive Lucy for her stupidity and resentment. And Dex will go on being content as he always has been and will continue to be just as much a part of my family as I am {referring to his fondness of my sister, brothers and their families}. He can never be completely gone from my life, but I can accept that. He is an exceptional person and I have never met his equal in loyalty, ambition, humor, generosity, faithfulness, and kindness. He was once all I ever wanted, but it doesn't have to be that way. I chose to love him and I can choose to be out of love again.

But what if...


Con Amor,
The Lady



“[A]nd be the conclusion of the present suspense good or bad, her affection would be his for ever. Their union, she believed, could not divide her more from other men, than their final separation” -Persuasion