A Peek Into His Mind, Pt. 2

1/31/2012 The Charmer 4 Comments

I'm really excited to bring you the second part of last week's post! You all expressed how much you liked being able to peek into Mr. Dir's mind, so hopefully you enjoy another little taste of that.

Some of you have also been asking how Colonel Paisley's date went. First off, there were 31applicants! 31! That's crazy! Talk about a difficult decision!

Anyways, I'm sure Colonel Paisley will have an update for you soon enough. But I will let you in on something that he told me...

The date went very well. She's pretty awesome.

And also Colonel Paisley told me that he could see my apartment from hers.

Since that's all that he told me, I cannot wait to hear all about the date! But while you're waiting, you'll just have to be happy with some more commentary from Mr. Director.

Enjoy!
(and if you missed the first part, check it out here)

This next post was a good one...

On Sunday after dinner he asked me if I would be willing to go out with him on Saturday. And, despite the fact that I was still fairly set on Masimo, I said yes.

I made sure to make the date sound low-key, as well as to place it far enough into the future so that amidst all of her love affairs I would have to stay on her mind. Guys think about these kinds of things. Timing is important!

Friday rolls around. I get that text I mentioned from Masimo and I'm planning on dinner with Piano Man that night. Then, in the middle of the day, I get a text from Mr. Director: Hey, Happy Friday! You probably have plans, and I know I've already got you tomorrow night, but I have an extra ticket to the Grizzlies hockey game tonight because my roommate had something come up. Let me know if you want to go!

The beautiful thing about having a set date to do something in the future is that when you ask the girl to do something beforehand it’s not a huge deal. If she says no and is weirded out, you have the date coming up to redeem yourself. And if she says yes, then you already have a built-in next date waiting. It’s a win win!

So I went to the hockey game with Mr. Director...
And I had a FABULOUS time with him.

It was a good time. Charmer certainly isn’t “one of the guys” when it comes to sports, but we had a fun time chatting. :)

Hey. I think someone is subtly insulting my knowledge of sports! :p

Finally, we take it home...
(Oh, and PS, what Mr. Dir FORGOT to mention is that I was actually NOT the first girl he asked to go to the game. I had to keep this story realistic so you don't run off thinking my love life is too perfect and/or romantic.)

Who knew hockey could be so fun to watch? I've never been to a hockey game before. Look at me, trying all sorts of new things! Mr. Director was quirky and a little bit goofy and not at all like Masimo. But even though I tried not to be, I couldn't deny that I was attracted to those unpredictable little quirks. (And I really did try! Remember--I was planning on giving Masimo a chance? [Kinda?] I tried not to let myself be attracted to Mr. Director.)

After the game, we drove back to Provo and got frozen yogurt. I was really just having a lot of fun with him...the conversation was good, I was legitimately laughing a lot, I was intrigued by the way this boy thought about things...and at one point in the evening when Mr. Director touched my knee, I realized I liked it. A lot.

Intentional. Two can play at the use-physical-touch-to-get-people-thinking trick. Girls thinkthey have all the power.

When we were finished with our yogurt, Mr. Director pointed out what time it was and told me that he could take me home if I wanted. But he also mentioned that he wouldn't mind watching a movie with me if I was up for it.

You go 90, she goes 10. Works again! I also tried to make it clear that it was her decision and I didn’t want to keep her out late, buuuut that I definitely did want to keep doing things that night. I find that if you make it clear to a girl that you want to respect her time, often she will be the one that says it's alright to go a little later than planned.

And...I surprised myself by agreeing to watch a movie with him.
Yes, I knew this was a dangerous move, because I knew that if we watched a movie I would cuddle with him. After all, a) that's the reason boys watch movies with girls and b) I secretly wanted to anyways. It was practically inevitable.

A couple days ago we re-enacted our first cuddle. It was fun. :) Arm around her, pull her into your arms, start messing with her hand, start holding the hand. Bam!

(Is it just me or does that sound a little bit formulaic to you? It kind of sounds like he's done this before!)

So we went back to his house and put in a movie. Sure enough, I was in his arms before too long...Surprisingly, it wasn't awkward, either; we were still laughing and having fun even though we both knew that they had crossed some serious relationship boundaries. And somewhere in the midst of the cuddling, there might have even been a bit of hand-holding. This was fairly significant, because even though I have found myself in the arms of many boys recently, I haven't held anyone's hand since The Ex.

It was a happy night. Hehe. And the fact that we watched Cool Runnings definitely helped. Can’t go wrong with a classic like that!

After the movie, Mr. Director took me home. Even though I was realizing just how much I liked him, my conscience was not happy with me. After all, I didn't know at this point that I wouldn't talk to Masimo all weekend...I was still planning on calling him up to chat, and I felt a little guilty for cuddling with Mr. Director. So, as he was walking me to my doorstep, I blurted out, "Just so you know, I'm probably going to freak out about this tomorrow, since my love life just got a whole lot more complicated."

Mr. Director looked surprised for a second. Then, he slowly smiled and said, "Well...thanks for the warning."

My commentary from this point forward seems unnecessary, because at this point Charmer and I really were on the same page about things. We both felt a sort of knowledge that we would be dating soon (which we would) and it was happy and heavenly and new and fun and good. We liked talking and cuddling and becoming a working couple. Dating is really about communication and being yourself, and I think that’s really what made Mr. Director fall in love with the Charmer. And plus I felt pretty cool/manly for beating out all the other guys.
Teehee. :)

Well, there you have it! A secret look into the mind of boys...well, a boy.

Believe it or not, it's already February tomorrow...the month of love, but also the month with a surprisingly high number of breakups (which ironically tend to happen immediately after Valentine's Day). So, I wish you all the best of luck with your dating lives!
[Although February doesn't have as many breakups as January, the month with the highest breakup rate. Hey look, you made it through!! Now that January's over, your dating lives should just get easier...right?!]

Kisses,
The Charmer

4 comments:

Post a Comment

Success Supposes Endeavor

1/29/2012 The Blue Stocking 11 Comments

I’m facing a dilemma of epic proportions so of course I’m turning to you for advice. See there’s this guy {typical} and I’ve started to like him. Now here comes the problem, my feelings toward him are very common in our ward. Ok I’ll be more blunt. Every girl in my ward loves him…or so it seems.

Without exaggeration there are at least five girls hungrily waiting for him to emerge from Priesthood so they can attack. They then stalk him to the Sunday school class of his choosing and protectively surround him. This is just a representation of what the more advance hunters do. The slyer flock casually bumps into him throughout the day trying desperately to steal a couple minutes of his time. Smooth

So where does that leave me?

Just in case you haven’t gotten this vibe from me, I’m going to lay it out.

I don’t compete for guys. I just don’t. I’m morally opposed to it and I like guys to come to me. Yes, there are special exceptions to this rule. For example, if a guy is well liked among the female world and yet he sets his sights on me, then yes I go after him.

I’m pretty sure my parents are to blame for my proud attitude. Since I was little, they’ve been feeding me personality defining phrases praising everything about me. I grew up believing “who wouldn’t want to date me, I’m fantastic and as a bonus I’m not deformed in any way.”

But now that I’m in college sometimes that confidence is put to the test. This results in girls like me refusing to compete. I simply don’t believe I should have to and I don’t like to lose…ever. But more importantly I don’t want my love story to go as follows,

“Well sweeties, after months and months of mommy stalking, hunting, and clawing her way through the hordes for daddy, she finally trapped him in a metal ensnared cage of desire. Then after weeks of convincing, begging, and crying daddy gave up his life willingly and we were married in the morning.”

It’s dramatic, but I think it gets my point across.

But with this guy I really don’t know what to do. I just can’t tell if he likes me above the rest, or just enough to make it worth acting in a more forward way then I’m used to.

See if you can figure it out with the clues I’ve gotten this semester. We are always together and having the best conversations. Our chats are filled with inside jokes and uncontrollable laughter. We've begun to text each other funny things during the week.

Usually after the appearance of such signs I would be sure that he liked me to some degree. But here’s the difference with him; He’s just really nice. Like really really nice. I wouldn’t put it past him to be extra friendly to a lot of girls. Even writing that last sentence formed a knot in my stomach, I hate being a part of the ‘lots of girls’ category.

In the end, I don’t know what to do. And the more other girls chase him the less I care. But I want to care. I really do.

I know there is no easy solution to this problem. The best plan is to just stick it out, but I’m getting tired and I think I deserve more than this…yup there’s my pride emerging.

-The Blue Stocking.

P.S. I have a perfect name picked out for him, but I’m holding on to it until I’m less confused.

11 comments:

Post a Comment

A mind lively and at ease.

1/26/2012 The Lady 8 Comments

It is time my friends. It is time for me to relate to you the best thing that has ever happened to me since reading my first Jane Austen novel at age twelve (Sense and Sensibility was my first, and it really was that good).


After many years of torturing hemming and hawing, Mr. Cowboy is getting married. And he is not marrying me.

Mr. Cowboy has been home from his mission for a mere three weeks. By the end of week one, he was engaged. (This is no exaggeration, nor a ploy to protect identities). The illogical speed of the engagement shocked me. But now that the initial impact has passed, all I can feel is pure giddy excitement. If you see a girl with brown curly hair literally bobbing about campus, that is me.

It is true that at first I was quite upset. I was listening to "Someone Like You" at least twenty times a day. I was consuming copious amounts of pretzel M&M's and the like. Luckily this pathetic state only lasted a couple of days before I came to my senses. The exact events of those few days are much too complicated and lengthy to relate here. (However, if you ever see me on campus, feel free to ask me). The wonderful realizations that I have finally come to (with an inordinate amount of help from my father) are these:

1. I deserve to marry someone who is crazy about me. Who really just doesn't want to live without me.
2. I do not want to be with someone who holds my faults and mistakes over my head and uses them to make me feel guilty or to manipulate me.
3. I want a man who is ambitious with his education and career.
4. I want a man who I can trust to be solid in loyalty, honesty, and righteousness.
5. I want a man who will hold me in high esteem and never ridicule me in public (or in private).
6. I deserve to be in love.

Thankfully I have a wise father, who often knows me better than I know myself. Because of my father reminding of these things and pointing out how poorly I had been treated by this "tool in gentleman's clothing", I was miraculously liberated from such degrading feelings which have been plaguing me for several years. So when Mr. Cowboy called me to "officially" tell me the news of his engagement (which I had naturally already heard about) this is what I said to him:

"Mr. Cowboy, I am honestly so grateful that you are getting married. I have never been so happy in my whole life. I am finally free. I am free from anticipation, from expectation, from gossip, and from guilt. We are finally free from each other. I just can't even explain how happy I am."

That is what I told him. That, plus some. I laid it on him thick for at least ten minutes. He hardly got a word in. I was laughing. It sounded like he might be crying. Whimpering at least. And I couldn't even feel bad for him. He tried to thank me for all that I had done for him, and I just brushed it aside. He told me that we could could still be friends and that if I needed anything, I could call at any time. I told him blatantly, that we could no longer be friends, and I assured him that he would never hear from me again. I didn't need him in my life anymore, and he didn't need me.

IT WAS THE BEST FEELING IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!

On my way home, after I had hung up the phone, and jumped around for a few mad seconds, "Someone Like You" came on my iPod. And I laughed. It wasn't a sad song any longer. I felt just like Kate Winslet at the end of The Holiday. I have finally discovered gumption and I can exclaim, "I am miraculously done being in love with you!"

Gumption. Gumption. Gumption.
Love. Love. Love.

The Coquette is Free!

Perhaps I will change my name on this blog now because it is finally all over. I am officially reformed.

Con Amor,
The Coquette (er...some anonymous very happy young woman)

8 comments:

Post a Comment

Well now I just feel silly, in a good way

1/25/2012 The Anti-Austen 6 Comments

First of all, thank you to all the ladies that gave me an "amen!", and second of all, thanks to all of you who left comments with awesome advice. I've been mulling over whether or not to actually take a tennis racket to institute as a conversation starter. (Ha ha, I'm only joking a little).

Mm kay, so I think that publicly determining to meet more dudes worked some magic, lemme tell you why. Last week after writing my post I went to "Place" (trying to keep my anonymity here), where I volunteer every week. There's this guy, let's call him Happy McSmiles, who works at Place and who I happen to find quite cute. (I hesitate here to call him cute because that's probably a bit emasculating, but he is just so CUTE. So too bad, I'm using it.) You know how sometimes you see someone and you can immediately tell that they are the kind of person who helps you move right after they get back from visiting their grandma in the nursing home and saving a baby from a burning building? That's what he looks like.

That being said, I've been admiring him from afar. He started working at Place a couple of months ago, and our paths don't typically cross much so there have only been a couple of passing 'nod and smiles' exchanged between us. Well, as fate would have it, last week I ended up working all by my lonesome nearer to him than usual and he came over to strike up conversation with me (internal excited squealing)! I had to leave about fifteen minutes later and was as bummed to no longer be talking to him as I was thrilled that we had talked at all. A little while later I finagled my way back to his area and made myself look busy, but all I was really doing was checking to see if he'd take the bait and come talk to me again. He did. (If you feelin' like a pimp, go on brush yo shoulders off). This time we talked until it was time for me to go home.

That is pretty much the climax of the story. He didn't get my number or anything, but we should see each other every week, and now that we have bridged the "I don't know who you are" gap, I foresee good things. I would now like to admit that I left Place completely giddy, and floated around on cloud nine for the next hour or so.

Moral of the story you ask? You can make a girl feel downright silly for not being able to wipe a grin off of her face, by simply striking up conversation.

I know that some of you guys will want to add caveats to this, like "well sure, if she already thinks I'm cute", or "yeah, as long as she already likes me". Yes, yes, these things are mostly true. But it's also true that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, as cliche as that phrase is. What may be comforting is that it's easy to test the water on this, to find out whether or not to pursue further- Does she seem interested in talking with you? Is she reciprocating questions to you? Is she smiling a lot? Is she laughing at your jokes? (even if you're not sure it was funny). If the answer is yes to at least two of those questions then you are in pretty good shape.

...Although, maybe I only know how I act when I'm reciprocating interest. What do you do when you're interested in the person approaching you? (open to guys and gals)

Yours Truly,

The Closer

6 comments:

Post a Comment

A Peek Into His Mind

1/24/2012 The Charmer 12 Comments

Today I have a VERY special treat for you!

Do you ever wonder what on earth people of the opposite sex are thinking? Do you ever look back on a date or an awkward moment and think If ONLY I could read his/her mind! ? Have you ever written a journal entry about that "special someone" and wished you could read what they would write about you?

The answer for all of you is yes. Don't deny it.

I am just like you and I often wish I could peek into the minds of boys I go on dates with. I was especially interested to know what Mr. Director was thinking during our flirtatious stage. Maybe even some of you have wondered what he would say about everything that happened between us.

Well, if so, this is your lucky day! Mr. Director has so graciously agreed to give us a look into his mind by adding his own commentary to the story I told you back in October about how we started dating. I will warn you, this is going to be kind of a long post since I'll be including snippets from my own story plus his thoughts. But I think it will be worth your time to read. I absolutely loved getting to peek into his mind.

This first part of the story comes from my post on October 4. My words are going to be italicized; Mr. Dir's thoughts are in red. Enjoy!

While I was with Piano Man, I got a call from Mr. Director. Despite the fact that Mr. Director and I had spent a fair amount of time together at this point because of club commitments, we hadn't actually gone on any dates. I'd hinted to him that I was interested in someone else and I figured he wasn't going to keep pursuing me.
Apparently, I was wrong.

Of course she was! I’ve always had the motto, “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” I think Wayne Gretzky said it. He plays hockey, in case you girls were wondering. :)

I answered the call thinking he was calling about club business...but of course he wasn't. He was actually calling to ask me on a date.

I was so nervous, it was out of control. I knew that I was interested in Charmer based on some of the conversations we had had before, particularly one we had in the taco bell line. And…I admit, I had done a bit of facebook stalking to know that she was pretty legit. Now don’t judge, everyone does it, and in a lot of ways I think it’s a good way to know if you’re interested in someone. Anyways, I told myself that at 8:54 PM I would call her and I made 3 of my roommates hold me to it. (8:30 is a bit too early, and 9:00 sharp seems too intentional.)

I couldn't believe it. Piano Man and his roommates were sitting there watching me as I struggled to figure out what to say. It was one of those moments where all I could think was, Really?! Is this actually happening right now?! Now I can be rude, but I'm not quite rude enough to set up a date with one boy while I'm sitting on the couch next to another one. A bit flustered, I told Mr. Director that I'd call him back later.

NOOOOOOOO! Failure! She totally sounded not interested and like she had thought it would be club business. And from the sounds of it, she was with another boy (guess I was right). She did the whole, “I’ll call you back later” thing. So, I half-heartedly waited out the night, and no call [here Mr. Dir inserted 3 sad faces]. In the MORNING (Charmer you devil) I got a voicemail from Charmer explaining that she’d be fine with a date but that I shouldn’t get my hopes up,
because she was kinda sorta in the awkward stage where she was about to start dating another guy. Going along with my life motto, I said hey, “I embrace your awkward stage” and set up the date.

Awww. Poor MD. And I cannot help but grin every time I read that line "Charmer you devil"! This next post was on October 11.

Mr. Director is surprisingly fun to be around. Despite my initial irritation at being asked out by him, I had a great time on our date. He was really easy to talk to and I was completely myself around him. I even told him the entire Piano Man/Masimo story. In fact, we threw out all the rules of first dates. We talked about our exes. We didn't waste time asking questions like "What's your favorite type of music?" or "What's your favorite movie?" We pretended we were from Alabama and listened to country music while driving through the "country." It was exceedingly refreshing.

When guys are planning a date for a girl that they are really really interested in, they really have to think out every single detail. I wanted lots of talking time, something creative, but not too weird. Something the Charmer hadn’t done before, but not something that would leave her thinking I was crazy. I ended up taking her to the Provo Airport where we could watch planes land and pretend we knew people. (Thank you. Thank you very much.) The Alabama thing was spontaneous :). We walked around the best park in Provo and had a refreshingly deep conversation about our life’s dreams and wishes. I liked that. And then……she started talking about her love life. I think I’m different than most guys, so I didn’t mind too much. After all, this date was still under the assumption that she was about to date someone else. It was good to know where I stood in the triangle AKA not in it yet, but I wouldn’t totally recommend spilling the details of who you kissed last week on every first date ;).
We got ice cream, had a goodnight, and I assured her that I’d be pushing for a second date in the near future.

Oh, and I sort of invited myself over to his house for dinner on Sunday...and I had a really good time with him (again).

Ah, the beauty of a well-placed text. She took the bait. And “invited herself”. Remember Hitch? You go 90, she’ll go 10, and think it was her idea. Mwahaha.

You little punk! :p

Well, turns out this is actually going to end up being a 2-part post, since this one is already incredibly long. But don't worry; next week I'll be sure to let you back into Mr. Dir's mind to finish up the story!
And if you liked this, let me know! Because there are other posts of mine about which Mr. Dir has had something to say.
(Oh, and if you didn't guess...yeah, he knows about the blog)

Toodles,
The Charmer

12 comments:

Post a Comment

Respect for right conduct is felt by every body.

1/20/2012 The Lady 6 Comments

Respect for right conduct may be felt by every body, but respect for personal space is rarely felt by a certain gentleman of my acquaintance.The Drive-By Hugger orbits The Frenzy of Five like an over-zealous electron. When The Drive-By Hugger walks in the door, all sense of propriety (on his part, with perhaps a small dose of encouragement on my part) promptly dives out the window. The Drive-By Hugger aggravatingly provokes me to be completely over-the-top flirty, and he is unfortunately the sort of man that one loves to flirt with but whom one does not wish to date/marry (because the two are synonymous you know).

The Drive-By Hugger and I have developed a sort of game with one another. Well, I suppose it is much less like a game and much more like a sickening explosion of bottled-up flirtatious energy. (See what happens when I attempt to repress my "coquettishness"?). After sacrament meeting, I stand at the back of the chapel idling away the time before Sunday School begins, and I see The Drive-By Hugger approaching suavely with that devil-may-care glint in his eye. I focus my attention more intently on a friend--who is chatting about the hymns being played to slow or that Sunday School is too boring--and try to stave off the pre-teen excitement that mounts as he steps closer. He gets my attention, and I immediately stick out my hand for a handshake, which he refuses and pulls me into his 6'4" frame. This same game happens every Sunday without fail. Sometimes we play on the weekdays, but it is mostly reserved for the Sabbath.

Now the reason I have labeled this man as The Drive-By Hugger (The D.B.H.) is because once he has hugged me (or any other woman for that matter) he simply walks away without so much as a "How are you?" or "How was your week?" It's as though he just needs a quick fix, and then he's on his way, leaving a trail of shattered hearts behind him. Except for me. I know his game. I play his game. In fact we play this game with each other so well that several members of our ward have approached me to ask if we are dating.

This Sunday however, The D.B.H. took things to the next level. After sacrament meeting, we played our usual game of "Handshake vs. Bear Hug" and parted ways for Sunday School. Prior to Relief Society, The D.B.H. was talking to a fellow sister I needed to talk to about some ward function, so I sauntered over. I made my business quick and was about to leave when The D.B.H. pulled me in for another rumor-starting hug. Then he had the nerve to up the ante. Instead of just walking away as usual, The D.B.H. pulled my face towards his, and planted one on me. An eskimo kiss that is. (You really thought he was going to kiss me at church? Don't be vulgar.) Before I could register that the sacred nose to nose barrier had been thoroughly violated in front of no less than fifty ward members, The D.B.H. was already in Elders Quorum.

Eskimo kissing is just something I do not do (nor have ever done), and something that I definitely do not do at church. I may be avoiding The D.B.H. for a few weeks.

So that is how I was violated at church and lost my membership in the V.N.C. (Virgin Nose Club) all in one day.

Con Amor,
The Coquette

6 comments:

Post a Comment

Rule #1: You come to me

1/18/2012 The Anti-Austen 16 Comments

For your update on last week's post, I've been playing it cool with Awkward Pants. I saw him a couple times this week and just said a quick hello. I also included him on a mass text for a last minute game night (thanks for the suggestion!) ...but... he didn't come. I'm choosing to believe that he already had something going on. I think I need to be forward with him at a snail's pace if this is going to work.

In the meantime, what I really need to do is increase the amount of guys that I meeting. I'm a big believer that dating is largely a numbers game (this is another sales analogy, apparently I use them all the time); you meet as many people as you can, and eventually you'll find one that you like and who likes you back. My struggle right now is how to increase said numbers. I currently work full time and my part time classes are all independent study, so I'm totally unplugged from the typical BYU environment. That being said, I've decided that my best bet at meeting dudes is at institute, because my stake has a pretty good turnout .

Now for my dilemma- how to approach these guys. Our institute is really crowded and feels a little like we're a bunch of cattle that have been herded into a tiny enclosure. You have to sneak by, bump and knock people to get anywhere. I would love to use this as an opportunity for a serendipitous moment, but instead I end up nervously shuffling past all these good looking men to go talk to people I feel safe and comfortable with. Bah! This always makes me wish I had some cool, slick way to "hit on them". I've toyed with the (probably really awful) idea of making little business cards that say "I find you attractive, if the feeling is mutual, please call The Closer at 555-555-1234". Yes, yes, I know that is terribly un-coy. Oh bother, what to do. I simply get immobilized by Analysis Paralysis.

You know what this has made me realize?

Girls are not meant to do the approaching.

I'm sorry fellas, but I think there must be some gender rooted logic in the cultural expectation of men putting themselves on the altar first. Whenever a guy comes up to talk to me, I am a killer flirt, and almost always seal the deal with him getting my number (i.e.Texty McTexterson). On the other hand, if I am the one initiating the conversation, I am immediately plagued with self doubt and insecurity. This is what my mind does to me, I imagine him thinking:

"Oh boy, can somebody say marriage hungry?"
"Maybe if I stand reallllly still, she won't see me"
"Danger, danger, exit strategy needed!"
"It's like I can hear her biological clock ticking"
"Nod and smile... hmm... I still need to do laundry... nah, my clothes don't smell that bad yet... oh oops, she's still talking"

There's this video that I love about the difference between men and women's brains, and it talks about how men's brains are composed of a bunch of little boxes where only one is open at a time, and women's brains are composed of a big ball of wire that never stops and everything is connected to everything. That analogy nails it. Please just put us out of our misery and come talk to us first. If we reject you it might hurt at first but then you can take that hurt and stick it in a box and avoid thinking about it (mostly). For women, it just swirls around and around in our minds constantly inhibiting our confidence and flirtatious nature. If we're willing to put all of this effort into looking lovely, letting us know that we did a good job (by approaching us) is a pretty fair trade off.

Maybe guys are already good at this and I just smell really funky and no one has had the heart to tell me. Or maybe I'm so incredibly good looking that all of them are too intimidated (yeah, you're right, it's definitely the latter). Am I alone in this frustration, or can I get an "amen!"?

Yours Truly,

The Closer

16 comments:

Post a Comment

Another Fabulous DATE Contest!

1/17/2012 The Charmer 15 Comments

First off, for any of you who are on the hunt for Featherstone McGee, he just passed my office and waved at me. I totally could have claimed that free dinner. Ha ha ha.

Secondly, I had a pseudo-date with Colonel Paisley last week in which we worked out all the details for a little contest that I think some of you may be very excited about. That’s right, you now have a chance to….

….WIN A DATE WITH COLONEL PAISLEY!

(Before we go any further, I must point out that it was quite strange to be discussing my boyfriend on what felt very much like a date with a different boy. Because yes, Paisley just happens to know Mr. Dir. In fact, he actually told me an amusing story about stalking him around the Wilk during his freshman year.)

Anyway, where was I?

Ah yes.

YOU CAN WIN A DATE WITH COLONEL PAISLEY!

Here’s the breakdown from Paisley himself:

The Interest
Who is Colonel Paisley? One of you lucky readers gets to find out! And then you get to decide if he's really as exciting as he seems. Maybe he's boring. Maybe he's charming. Maybe he looks like a dweeb. Who knows? You will. The Charming Paisley Coalition proudly presents a second date competition! Mostly because of reader request.

The Appeal
A... date with Colonel Paisley. I just said... never mind. This date will be on January 27th and will be getting a fantastic dinner consisting of your favorite food and going to see The Merchant of Venice. (Colonel Paisley will pick you up at 5:23 pm and you can be assured that it will not be a marathon date)

The Action
Filling out questionnaires are for online surveys about winning "free" iPads and then getting incessant phone calls from marketers who want to give you "free" stuff for only $7 a week for a year. Who wants to answer plain ol' questions? Blah blah blah. Just kidding, Featherstone, you know I love you.

Here's the questionnaire, but instead of merely responding, I invite you to let your creative juices flow! For bonus points, write me a short story, an epic poem, a Dr. Suessish tale, iambic pentameters, limericks -- whatever you like! As long as you have fun and show your creativity. (I think that if you choose this approach, you don't have to address ALL of the questions)

Or...okay. You can go ahead and just answer the questions.

Your name [of course]
Favorite font (I’ll give you a hint: He told me he doesn’t want a “Comic Sans” girl)
Height
Left- or right-handed
Guilty pleasure food
Your favorite joke [can be included separate from the poem if it is long]
A reference to one of your favorite songs, e.g. “but the man there said the music wouldn’t play” [bonus points if you can name the song]
Your idea of fun
Favorite genre of movie
Favorite Christlike attribute
You and science – friends or foes?
Life – serious work or fun game?
Manliest man you know – in your own life, from movies, from modern culture, wherever. Explain briefly.
City or country?
Cats or dogs?
One [or more] weird quirk that you’re secretly proud of [for me, I like to walk on tiles like a knight in chess – two spaces forward and one step sideways. I also don’t step on sidewalk cracks.]
Your idea of a perfect date in 15 words [yes, I’m obviously borrowing some questions from Featherstone’s questionnaire]
Your life passion(s)
Write me a haiku
On a scale from Harpo Marx to Danny Kaye, how quick, witty, or clever are you? [Feel free to interpret that scale however you wish]

EDIT: Please also include your age/year in school and location (aka Provo, Orem, etc.)

Well ladies...there you are! You'll have a week...until next Tuesday, the 24th at 10:13 pm to get your applications in! Turn them into colpaisley@gmail.com...and best of luck! Last time we did this, things turned out very well for our lucky lady. Maybe you'll have a similar experience! Maybe not. But remember, even if there's no spark and you don't get married...you will forever have the satisfaction of knowing that you won a date via the Anti-Austen blog. (It's one of those things you tell your grandkids.)

SO...get those creative juices flowing!

Kisses,
The Charmer

15 comments:

Post a Comment

Nothing Ever Fatigues me, but doing what I do not like –Mansfield Park

1/15/2012 The Blue Stocking 5 Comments

Since returning from Christmas break two of my roommate’s guy friends have been frequenting our house. Every time they come over I politely exchange a couple words of chit chat, then left. After all I don’t want to be that roommate who takes over all conversations with her roommates friends. For two weeks they've “been in our neighborhood” and decided it would be rude not to stop by wink wink. For some reason it never occurred to me that their purposes went beyond the need to chatter endlessly.

After another lengthy visit from our neighborhood roving friends my roommate got a text from one of the fellows. “Is the Blue Stocking dating anyone?” And then my roommate, without my knowledge, went against girl code and gave him my number. Now I need to clarify. There is nothing wrong with this boy. In fact, he is very nice. The reasons I didn’t like him were due to the fact that he believes he is the bee’s knees. Every time he came to chat he was gloating about his most recent achievements and how impeccable he was at one thing or another.

Arrogance annoys me. Awkward I can do. I can even handle creepy to some extent. But arrogance will not be dealt with kindly.

I got his call and a date was set. Ice Skating.

I love ice skating in fact, just the week before I was wishing that I could go ice skating with a guy. It’s a real dream come true…

The real beauty behind the ice skating was I thought there was no way the date could be extended beyond two hours. After all who skates for more than two hours right? O boy was I wrong.

He picked me up and we headed to his place where we met the other couple. It was here that we began to make our own dinner. I quite like this idea of cooking and getting to know each one another and the other couple was a hoot. Then a very strange thing happened. There was a knock at the door and without the request being answered by the owners, a girl stepped in, found her way to the couch, and turned on a basketball game. Not kidding. The four of us just sat there.

My date whispered an introduction, saying the girl was a friend of theirs and she didn’t have TV. But still I was befuddled. Did she not realize she was a mere two feet away from a double date? So we talked over the basketball game and started the customary round of twenty questions. Midway through asking my date about his family the couch girl walked up to the kitchen table and started preparing a plate for herself. Baffled. I was baffled. It took every ounce of me not to burst out laughing.

Now we were entering into hour three and off to the rink. As we hit the ice my date very smoothly glided towards me and grabbed my hand. I looked down at his audacious hand and then up to his sheepish grin. His response to my bemused glare was he didn’t want me to fall…cute. Little did he know the only one in danger of smacking their head on the ice was this fool boy if he intended to put anymore moves on me.

We went around a couple of times before I slipped my hand out of his grasp, assuring him I was stable enough at this point. We continued talking until my date tired of my slow inexperienced pace and ever so rudely took off without me. Every once in a while he would shout an unrecognizable comment my way as he darted by.

Instead of being upset, I enjoyed the freedom of separation, realizing that I had no interest in this ever wandering boy. We actually didn’t start ice skating together again until he found me on the side of the rink gorging myself on donuts and hot chocolate…classy. He once again took my hand and we were back on the ice. At this point in the date we were on hour 5. Hour 5! I was exhausted my feet were exhausted and our conversation was exhausted.

After making very subtle comments about my damaged feet, he decided it was time to call it a night.

When I woke up on Saturday I ruled out a second date. I felt our marathon had proved that I was not interested and his nomadic ways agreed with that conclusion. To my surprise he texted my roommate “Do you think the Blue Stocking would want to date me?”

Date him? I barely knew him. Her reply was a gently yet firm “no.”

Which is why I was even more surprised when he called me later that day. And then I gently yet firmly declined a relationship with this boy.

10 bucks says I see him every day at school from now on

Toujours,

The Blue Stocking

5 comments:

Post a Comment

Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.

1/14/2012 The Lady 2 Comments


Last Sunday, I was enjoying a family dinner at my aunt's home. Her house was simply teeming with rambunctious children and bickering adults, a setting which is familiar and dare I say, even comfortable. Being the youngest of my siblings and one of the youngest amongst my cousins, I am accustom to being the only single adults within any number of proximal miles. However, this particular Sunday dinner, as I stepped inside the house and was greeted with kisses on my cheek and embraces about my knees (from nephews), I noticed a pair of bespectacled eyes gazing at me from across the room which belonged to a friend of my cousin's. Apparently I was not the only single adult this night.

Although we were not immediately introduced, throughout the course of dinner, I would notice (and feel) Mr. Spectacles' eyes upon me. Mr. Spectacles is not an unattractive man, and yet I still could not decided whether I was flattered or just generally creeped out by his quiet but somewhat intense attention. After dinner, at an rare moment in the evening when I wasn't being wrestled by excitable moppets, Mr. Spectacles sought me out and began a conversation. The conversation wasn't bad, however, I was quick to notice how nervous he seemed around me and the slight awkwardness which emanated from his person. I was not surprised when Mr. Spectacles asked for a date, and since I did not find Mr. Spectacles creepy in a potential date rape sort of way, just in a general awkward way, I accepted his offer. I am one who firmly believes in giving others the benefit of the doubt, or at least an opportunity to prove me wrong. Which is sometimes less wise than it seems.

Eventually, Mr. Spectacles left and I too decided to take leave of my riotous family. I thanked my aunt for her hospitality and she hugged me, kissed my cheeks, and then held my face in her hands (while pinching my cheeks together into what must have been a very attractive expression), "Mr. Spectacles is such a good man!" she exclaimed. "I am just so excited for you! You know, I met and married your uncle when I was your age and he was Mr. Spectacles age. It's fate!" I blinked in wonderment at the marriage plot which had wriggled its way into my evening without my knowledge and fled from the place before my wedding colors were chosen.

Earlier this week, Mr. Spectacles picked me up for our date. Knowing that we were going to dinner, I had prepared myself to sit through a possibly very long evening. Naturally, I am a believer in one-hour maximum first dates, and so I was not feeling very optimistic, but I put on a brave face despite my reluctance. Conversation during dinner was much like Sunday night's. My forced smile and laughter, his bashful and somewhat uncomfortable discussion. After dinner he proposed that we go get ice cream. I theorized that Mr. Spectacles was trying to fatten me up so that if I needed to run away, there was no way I would be able to. "Do you mind if we share a blizzard?" he asked innocently. I didn't wish to demand that he spend twice as much just to quell my sometimes nonsensical fears of the flu, mononucleosis, or HIV, so I quietly nodded in agreement. Due to my hesitancy to share a cold cup of potentially life-threatening diseases with a near stranger, I took a few bites of the ice cream before he could really dig in and declined the rest claiming to be quite full from dinner, which of course was not a fallacy.

However, I believe that I may have to give up on feeling relieved when men drive me home after dates, because somehow even though I can see my front door or even be inside my apartment, men somehow find ways to drag these dates on and on. Before I could even express my thanks for the date, Mr. Spectacles had asked if he could come in. I do not even know if I said anything, but either way, Mr. Spectacles was inside my apartment in a heartbeat. My roommates were scattered about the living room watching a movie, so Mr. Spectacles planted himself on the couch and patted the seat next to him. Because I am not one to make a scene, I slumped onto the couch wishing that the movie was almost over rather than having just started.

Ever so slowly, Mr. Spectacles edged his hand onto his knee into "the position" wherein I could be bold and grab it or ever so slightly (and flirtatiously) touch it with my pinky if I had any inclination to play the hand-holding game. As I did not, I folded my arms tightly across my chest where it would take the steel jaws of death to wrench my arms apart. Unfortunately, as I concentrated on keeping my person confined to my section of the couch, I was oblivious to the fact that slowly my roommates began to disappear until Mr. Spectacles and I were the only living human beings in the apartment. I made a mental note to throttle my roommates when they returned home. After about an hour of uncomfortable silence, eyebrow wiggling and winking on the part of Mr. Spectacles, and cold dread on my part, Mr. Spectacles went home.

It was not a full hour before I began receiving texts from Mr. Spectacles in which he communicated his admiration for my physical beauty (*guffaw*) as well as his intentions to see me again and hopefully begin a serious relationship within the coming weeks. Unfortunately for him, but fortunately for me I had to decline his generous offer. My only serious worry is that my aunt will never speak to me again, but for my own well-being, I am not about to marry Mr. Collins. 2.0. It appears as though I might be having Sunday dinners on my own from now on.

Con Amor,
The Coquette

2 comments:

Post a Comment

Ladies and gentleman, the one and only Featherstone McGee.

1/13/2012 The Anti-Austen 5 Comments

Dear Readers,

Featherstone McGee is once again single (and will now be switching to the first-person perspective). I half-heartedly apologize for not providing you with a plethora of details about the relationship, but the truth is simply this: I don’t want to. This part of my life has been very personal to me and I do not wish to share it with the general public. I hope that you understand. I did join the Anti-Austen thinking that it would be exciting to anonymously share my dating life with the world. It turns out that when I find something good, I prefer to keep it close.

Coming up with something to write about has been very difficult. I’ve sat down at my computer several times with the intent to write something for my one January post. Many thoughts have crossed my mind, including, among several possible topics, the words “give up Featherstone McGee entirely” and “reveal your identity to the world”. Don’t worry. I won’t be leaving you forever (I hope).


I’ve settled on this: I will be taking a hiatus of an undetermined length. I need to plunge myself back into the complex dating world of BYU. I will be back when my passion for dating has been restored. You see, I just can’t write about something that I’m not passionate about. Until I return, feel free to email me at Featherstone.McGee@gmail.com. Ask me anything. I feel like telling you more about me, but, as in life, I’m not quite sure where to start. I would like to get to know more of the wonderful readers that frequent the Anti-Austen.

I know that I need to start dating again, but the desire is lacking. I recently received the advice to jump back into the dating world, so I’m going to give that a shot. The desire won’t come from sitting on my couch, watching all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies on Bluray or laughing at the first three seasons of Big Bang Theory. The desire will come from doing. The desire will come from successes and failures and experiencing life (hey look, I managed to weave some semi-useful advice into this).

Also, as a little game, I’m leaving “Featherstone McGee was here” tags on whiteboards in the Wilk. There’s no objective to this game – I just get bored at work. Be kind to employees at the Wilk! You never know which one is me!

Sincerely,
Featherstone McGee

P.S. If you can find me I’ll buy you dinner (I don’t expect anyone to actually try, but the offer is out there)!

5 comments:

Post a Comment

Awkward moments with a freckle-armed man.

1/11/2012 The Anti-Austen 7 Comments

I still haven't heard anything from Texty McTexterson, so I think I can officially consider that bullet dodged. *phew!

Warning: I am about to tell you a very uneventful story, that was the eventful moment of my week. I'm really hoping that you can relate.

Okay, so. There is this boy in my ward, Awkward Pants, and I think he is so very handsome. He has this kind face, with big strong hands, and freckles on his arms. I love that for some reason, freckles on arms. When I first moved into this ward I could have sworn he thought I was hot stuff, I caught him looking at me all the time. He seemed really shy and had never ventured to talk to me, but I caught his stare pretty frequently. Eventually he had to talk to me because our callings collided, and now almost every time he's talked to me, it's been about "business" matters. I call him Awkward Pants because we cannot seem to have a conversation that is not incredibly awkward. One- since I have this awful crush on him, he makes me nervous, and two- I must make him nervous also, because it's like we are both robots that are desperately in need of some WD-40. Hi- how- are- you-? I- am- fine. I- like- your- bangs. Thank- you.

It's awful. BUT- with my lovely New Year's resolution to flirt more, I am determined to start having real conversations! Enter my Plan of Action: On Sunday I decided to make a big dinner and invite a bunch of random friends over, all with the goal of inviting him too without seeming too forward. Guess what?

I DID IT.

And he came. And sat by me. And we talked. And it wasn't about business. And it was only about half as awkward as usual. And I still think he's oh-so-handsome. *dreamy sigh

Okay maybe you think I'm lame now, I would too, but the funny thing is that I feel SO accomplished. Going on a date with him is so far out of the realm of expectations right now, that I feel wholly satisfied with the current status. He is shy enough that I'm convinced we need to be much more comfortable with one another before it could go anywhere. I wrote before about "assuming the sale", and I promise I'm trying to take my own advice. I have decided that of course he likes me, I just need to make it as easy as possible for him to do something about it.

Here's where I need your help- I've been mulling over ideas for what to try and do next Sunday, or the next time I see him. Should I go talk to him every time I see him? Some of the time? Invite him over for a game night? Tell him how incredibly good looking I think he is? (ha-ha yeah right, not doing that, but I've envisioned doing it in my mind and it's a hoot!) Ideas please!

Yours Truly,

The Closer

7 comments:

Post a Comment

Love at Third Sight

1/10/2012 The Charmer 7 Comments

Ah, love at first sight. What person hasn't wished at least once in their life that they could experience it?

I have to confess that today I'm basically going to be stealing this post from something Mr. Director wrote. I know, I know, I shameless. But the truth is I've been so flustered trying to get my schedule to work that I have very limited brain capacity left for creative endeavors, such as blogging.
(Oh, and if anyone plays flute in University Orchestra and would like to drop the class, that action would be greatly appreciated by myself so that I can get out of here in April instead of June. I am one performance credit short for my minor. One.)

Anyway, back to love at first sight.

I, for one, don't think it exists.

Once upon a time I was a terribly romantic girl who had never been in love nor even held a boy's hand and I believed the things I read in Sarah Dessen books and saw in early 21st-century chick flicks. That must be how it works, I thought. One day, I'd see a boy with chocolate-brown eyes and tousled cinnamon-brown hair and I would just know. Because the fact that the hair was "gently tousled" would give it away. Obviously.

It also didn't help that I was raised on Saturday's Warrior. There was a time in my life when I'm pretty sure I honestly believed that I had a soul mate and that I would be walking across a crowded sidewalk at BYU one day, we would make eye contact, and we would just know. Life would slow down as strains of music, audible to only the two of us, would start playing from who-knows-where and we would both break into a slow ballade and choreographed dance.

Now, if this phenomenon were to occur, it would definitely be at BYU. But I've come to the grand realization that life doesn't work that way. And love at first sight--I really don't think it exists.

Sure, I believe in attraction at first sight and I'd-like-to-get-to-know-you-better at first sight. Or even the I-feel-like-something-could-happen-with-you at first sight. But love? Nah.

However, I might believe in love at third sight.

In October of 2010, I was invited to attend a dinner for one of the grad programs on campus. They invited people with the top GPAs in their colleges and I'd say there were 40-50 people who ended up attending. I sat down at a table and started talking to the people there, only to notice a couple minutes later that one of my friends was sitting at a table just across the room (it was actually Cute James, if any of you remember him) . Recognizing that it would be rude to leave the people I was currently sitting with, I stayed put. The dinner ended up being kind of disappointing, as the people at my table were boring and the food wasn't even that great. Anyways, the important thing is that after the dinner I walked across campus with Cute James. There was also some other guy with Cute James, and I don't remember much about him except that we chatted about Young Ambassadors and a mutual friend Cat.

And that was that, right? I actually completely forgot about it until just recently when I found out that Mr. Director attended the same dinner. And that he sat at the table with Cute James. And that he walked with Cute James across campus afterwards. And that he remembered there was a girl walking with him and James. And that HE REMEMBERED TALKING TO THE GIRL ABOUT YOUNG AMBASSADORS AND HIS FRIEND CAT.

We TALKED! A year before Mr. Director and I started dating, we met each other and even had a conversation... and then promptly forgot about each other. There was no spark, no chemistry.
And then when we met again for the second time, I definitely thought he was cute...but I still wasn't interested.
It wasn't love at first sight. In fact, it wasn't even love at second sight. It wasn't until his third time running into me that he knew he was interested. (And I have to confess it took a couple more times to win me over. Haha.)

The morals of my little tale are as follows:

1. You never know who you're running into. It goes back to the whole "don't judge a book by its cover" thing. You can't know after meeting someone once how they might change your life.

2. Our lives really are guided. Mr. Dir and I started dating really quickly because it felt right. I don't think I would have been ready to date him a year ago--I was in a very volatile on/off relationship with The Ex and Mr. Dir was about to start the longest relationship of his life. Those experiences shaped both of us, especially in regards to what we expect from relationships. What if we'd experienced that magical "love at first sight" moment? Maybe it would have worked out. But maybe we weren’t supposed to date yet because God knew we both still had a lot of growing to do before we met each other. After all, God does know what he's doing. If we trust His timing, things will work out.

3. Love at first sight? Pshaw. Save it for the movies.

Kisses,
The Charmer

PS- If any of you actually do have some real-life "first sight" tales, please share them!
PPS- I think Mr. Director is rather attractive.

7 comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)