The Anti-Austen

I've survived my first week in China!! Huzzah! Surprisingly, I haven't been nearly as overwhelmed as I expected I would be. I have an assistant, and she and the other students have been extremely helpful any time I need a little assistance. So far, most of my time in China has been spent eating Chinese food, riding my little motorized scooter around whilst trying to avoid hitting grandmas who are crossing the road, and being told 10 times a day by lovely Chinese people that I am "very beautiful." Of course, I’ve also done a bit of teaching and have attempted to master basic phrases in Mandarin.

I absolutely love it here! The Chinese people are amazingly friendly. They LOVE westerners, especially Americans, and even on my worst hair day they for some reason think I look like a princess. If you’ve ever wanted to know what it feels like to be a celebrity, just come here. I promise it won’t take long before there are Chinese people snapping pictures of you. My students are darling...and even though they are college students, I still feel like "darling" is the best adjective to describe them. I got an email from one of the girls in my classes today telling me that she thinks I am "beautiful and nice" and that she loves me a lot. Aaww…LOVE THEM!

The branch I am attending on Sundays has about 60 people in it with a surprising number of young single adults. In fact, in two weekends we are having a YSA conference in Shanghai that will include people from all the branches in the area! Hopefully I’ll be able to make a few friends who will be willing to run around with me and explore when I have time off.

For those of you who were fans of Ammon, the most recent (and most promising) man to pop up in my love life, you’ll be happy to know that things are still going well. We have been skyping fairly frequently and we still haven’t run out of things to talk about.

Ammon recently gained a few more brownie points on my birthday, which happened to be earlier this week. I was in my apartment, getting ready to go out to meet up with some of the students for my birthday party, when all of a sudden my doorbell rings. (No no, it wasn’t Ammon! THAT would have been wild) I unlock the door to the building and in walks a delivery boy carrying a HUGE bouquet of flowers. I stared at him in awe…who on EARTH could have sent me those? I asked him, but he either didn’t understand me or didn’t know (all he said was, “You are very beautiful!”) and I was left wracking my brain trying to figure out who might have sent me flowers. I finally found the card buried amidst the babies’ breath and lilies and it was from Ammon! Oh. My. Gosh. I started freaking out (in a good way, of course). The kid sent me flowers! In China! I still don’t really know how he managed to do that. But needless to say, I was impressed. My birthday was FULL of fantastic and fantastically wild moments, but that lovely surprise was probably my favorite part. I think it’s safe to say that I like him. A lot.

Well, that’s the news from Wuxi, China. Life is good. It is SO good, even if my brain wants to explode every time I go to my Chinese class. I know that YOUR lives are so good, too, even though sometimes it may seem like things aren’t going quite the way you want them to. Best of luck to those of you who are starting the new semester, new jobs, new relationships, or whatever other adventure is currently under way in your lives! And if you happen to be travelling my way…give me a buzz, let’s go explore the city together. You can sit on the back of my e-bike.

internationally yours,

the charmer

EFY is a special place. And by that I mean special. Don't get me wrong, being a counselor this summer was really one of the greatest things I have done in a long time, but also in all honesty, being in a large group of LDS people for extended periods of time only discussing the gospel and doing endless line dances does weird things to people. The participants who come only get a small taste of the oddities because their time is limited to a mere five days, while as a counselor you experience it week after week after week with very little relief.

For example, this summer I found myself flirting, hand-holding, and cuddling with other EFY counselors for whom I cared nary a whit. Nothing seemed to matter at all because I could not take EFY counselors seriously, and therefore I could not take myself seriously concerning them. Now this fragmented mindset towards relationships with the opposite sex does not overcome every EFY counselor as it did me, but each counselor is affected in their own little way.

____________________________________

The Counselor (remember him from ages ago?) was an EFY counselor this summer as well, and the daze which overcame him greatly challenged my flirtatious spirit. His was a curious sort of flirting and exceeding kindness, and as you can suppose this only caused great confusion in my poor little heart.

All summer long, The Counselor showed me nothing but pure compassion. He was continually checking up on me as it was my first "rodeo" (so to speak) and expressing his admiration and faith in my abilities. After one particularly challenging week, I greatly felt the need for a priesthood blessing and The Counselor was the only one I knew well enough to ask. The blessing itself was beautiful and exactly what I needed of course, but afterwards (being quite the emotional wreck that day) The Counselor just held me and let me cry in his arms. If that doesn't make a girl feel protected and loved, I don't know what does. So there I was soaking his t-shirt with my tears, and he proceeded to tell me every sweet thing he could possibly think of (which I will not relate here, because for once it is much too personal). Blast it all. Who does that to another person? I mean really.

The rest of the summer, The Counselor and I were far apart from each other, which was all well and good. We easily kept in touch through frequent texts and phone calls and the like. Between one of our weeks, we bumped into each other in the airport and spent our layover time laughing and chatting and hugging much longer than is typical between friends. During one distinctly long phone conversation, The Counselor told me the many details of his past dating life, mostly revolving around a particularly tragic love story which provided some insight into his long-term bachelorhood. He spent the remainder of our conversation detailing everything he liked about me and telling me how he wanted to know me better than he currently did.

But through it all, there was no declaration of love or admission of any desire to be anything but dear friends.

I chalk it all up to the weirdness of EFY.

Con Amor,

The Lady

Well, after a rather exciting summer ending with a surprising week-long romance, I am off. I said goodbye to Ammon, goodbye to my family, and goodbye to the handful of other boys in my home singles ward that were still interested during the last 2 weeks I was there. (I actually had one of them tell me, "Hey, when you come home in a year, if you're still single and I'm still single, I'd love to take you on a date!" Umm...we'll see...) Unfortunately for them, I'm off on my next adventure...China!

I know it wasn't that long ago that I took a posting hiatus to serve a mission, and I hate to leave you all again, but I have a feeling that my posts for the next little while will be intermittent at best. First off, blogging is a little bit sketchy in China and I'll have to be taking some roundabout measures to get on here, if you know what I mean. Secondly, I'm afraid my dating life might take a standstill. But who knows? If anything exciting does happen, such as falling for one of the other (hopefully handsome) international teachers, I'll be sure to let you know. Maybe I'll even pop in occasionally just to update you on my China adventures and misadventures. (Like squat toilets...here's hoping that's just a rumor and not a real thing!)

Oh, and I suppose an update on Ammon is in order before I leave?

I don't really know what to say, except that I'm pretty sure I just left behind the best match I've found thus far. In the 9 days that we knew each other, we spent 2 entire days together...and yes, I do mean an entire 48 hours. We spent 48 fabulous hours talking, laughing, playing carnival games, reading scriptures, making brownies, hiking, playing sand volleyball with teenagers, going to the temple, and eating Buffalo Wild Wings dessert nachos at 1 am. We got kicked out by not 1, but 2 park rangers by the end of the week. We had some of the best doctrinal discussions on the gospel I've ever had. And best of all, I was 100% myself the entire time. I never tried to impress him (since at the beginning, I hadn't wanted to go out with him anyways). I never tried to make myself appear to be someone I wasn't--and neither did he.

In the end, I couldn't have asked for a better last week in the USA. Admittedly, I probably got the least amount of sleep in a week that I have in my entire life (and that wasn't only because I had to sleep in my car one night when I accidentally forgot my house key). Will Ammon and I have any future adventures? Honestly, I have no idea. I certainly hope so, but at this point it's hard to say. I guess we'll become Skype buddies for now and see what happens from there. For now, all I can do is trust that God's timing is perfect and that we only had a week together because that is exactly what was supposed to happen.

Well, I'll soon be sending my love from China. Until then...adieu, adios, and zàijiàn, my friends.

love,
the charmer

First, an apology:

Due to a series of unforeseen (no WiFi for ages!) nor unavoidable circumstances (moving to a new apartment and copious amounts of work to do), I was unable to publish my next post in a timely manner. What ought to have been a slight cliff-hanger such as one might find between chapters in a novel turned into a much more dramatic affair such as the cliff-hanger and the end of a novel which means a sequel is coming. Which as you all know can be the worst, for if you liked the book you agonize over waiting and if you were only mildly interested, you quickly forget what all the hubbub was about anyway.

I always seem to be in a constant state of apology on this blog, so once again allow me to say, "I am sorry." I shall try to repent of my neglectful ways. With your forgiveness and permission in stow, allow me to move forward.

The story.

Tinder really is a foolish thing, and I being a somewhat foolish creature (more foolish than most I would say), I wandered onto that blasted app once I had safely arrived in Utah for my summer as an EFY counselor. I happily sorted my way through the bros and the nerds, the Peter Priesthoods and the anti-Mormons, and everything in between. No one was particularly striking at all, and it was all light, healthy flirting until The Englishman and I matched up.

Why did I like The Englishman's profile?

1) He was adorable (sported a hideous Christmas sweater and everything).

2) Our one interest in common was Coldplay (which is a far more important detail than it may seem).

3) He was older (no more recently returned missionaries for me).

4) He still had all his hair (and it was perfect).

5) HE WAS BRITISH.

But really, it all boils down to one simple fact: He was British. Let us take a silent moment of reflection to truly appreciate how this was a dream come true for The Lady. #tindermercy

Needless to say, The Englishman and I hit it off immediately. We talked extensively about our families, England, our goals, music, movies, and other miscellaneous interests at whim. After chatting back and forth for a few days, The Englishman asked me out, but I was tied to EFY night after night and week after week without a break in sight until July (at the time it was the end of May). So we kept texting and he began calling me in the evenings (I may have squealed and/or giggled girlishly when I first heard his gloriously accented voice), and all was going perfectly.

Well it was about as perfect as a relationship (?) can be when you have never met in person and the man you like is not a member of your religion...Yes, you read that correctly, The Englishman was not LDS. Not in the slightest. And here I was at EFY being as Mormon as Mormons can be, and he was being as culturally British as possible. I had no idea what should be done.

Now there just so happens to be a simply baffling phenomenon that occurs when men actually take a liking to me. I do not describe it to boast about how "alluring" I am to men or whatever because I frankly do not understand how and why it happens myself, but nevertheless, it must needs be explained. When men like me, and I mean actually like me, they sail straight past simple interestedness towards courtship and marriage. It happened with Mr. Cowboy, it happened with Dex, and it appeared to be happening with The Englishman.

________________________________________

You have my full permission to use this as an intermission (it's a hideously long post, I know). Go use the loo, pop some popcorn, answer those texts, so on and so forth.

Before I knew it, The Englishman and I were discussing a serious relationship and the possibility of marriage (given we were to actually like each other in real life). Every day I asked myself the self-same question: What is my life?!?!?!? Now The Englishman and I discussed extensively all the ins and outs of what a relationship between us would mean (long distance, strict rules of chastity, and all that jazz) and somehow he was still 100% on board. What is my life? And like I said, we even discussed what marriage would be like:

Him: Would you move with me to England?

Me: When do we leave?

Him: Three kids sound good? Two boys and a girl, so the boys can watch over their sister?

Me: As long as they're British, I'm game for a dozen.

Him: Would your family be disappointed if you didn't get married in the temple?

Me: Disappointed? No. Devastated? Yes.

Him: What if I joined the church?

Me: It's not that simple.

It was disjointed, it was confusing, it was backwards, it was laughable, it was lovely. The Englishman and I talked incessantly, and he even called me when he was away on business to Italy. (Oh, did I mention that he frequently took international trips for work [flying first class mind you] and offered to take me with him during his next trip to Italy in August? Such a small detail, must have slipped my mind.) All in all, everything was perfect and we decided that we needed to put the grand plan and our monumental issues on the shelf for a bit until we saw how we got on in person.

And at long last, we did meet in person, and it was all as it should have been. Except for two small details:

1) He was a bit shorter than me.

2) I was not sure how to hug a one-armed man. Oh, yes, another small detail I failed to mention. He only had one arm.

Now, these physical things really weren't as big a deal to me as you might assume. I didn't feel as though I towered over him, and the one-armed thing...well if I am completely honest, it wasn't that weird. Although I admit that I did not quite know how to react when he first told me, so it took me a solid month to predispose myself to the idea. But like I said, "What is my life?"

The date was just fine, and I had a great time, but there was no hand-holding (not even just the one) or kiss. Which I suppose is fine for a first date, but when you've already discussed marriage with someone, only hugging them feels like a step in the opposite direction. But it was respectful and good, and naturally we hoped to get together again soon.

Unfortunately, EFY immediately took me captive again and The Englishman went off to San Diego. And it was San Diego that was our undoing. Now being as British as he was, The Englishman was quite fond of pubs and drinking, and if you're looking for it, San Diego has plenty to offer. (I actually am only assuming that San Diego involved a decent amount of alcohol because there would have been no reason for what happened to happen had The Englishman been in his right mind because it was not like him at all). Being entirely sloshed (or so I assume), The Englishman had the gall to send me a tasteless photo, and I ended everything then and there. Sometimes the line is very clear.

Alas, perhaps my British fantasy was never to be.

Until next time,

The Lady

It seems to me like we tend to find love in the most unlikely of places.

I spent four years at BYU dating and dating and DATING. I met a lot of great guys, I met a lot of quirky guys, but I think I can honestly say that I never met someone I liked quite as much as the guy I met last week. No, he's not in Vocal Point, he's not an MTC teacher, and in fact he's not even a returned missionary [...yet]. Somehow I fell for a kid from Michigan who probably spent more time partying during his college years than he did studying.

And believe me, THAT has come as a surprise.

The three things I like most about Ammon:

1. He is honestly the most respectful guy that I have ever dated. When I'm with him, I don't have to worry about any unfortunate handholding incidents like I experienced earlier this summer. Since he's still a little new to the LDS culture, he is totally dedicated to making sure he's doing dating "right." In fact, earlier in the week he even texted me and said, "So I know this is awkward....but I'm still trying to figure out how to flirt and be with a girl while still maintaining a Christlike relationship. Is holding hands okay?" You may find that text cringe-worthy. I, however, found myself applauding the fact that there is still a man in this world who cares enough to ask.
2. I find him truly charming. He has this charismatic, inviting personality; two seconds after we'd met, he was already talking to me as if we'd been friends for years. We have a blast and a half when we're together, he's not afraid to be spontaneous, he makes me laugh constantly, and he is so sincere about everything he says and does. Also, believe it or not, he'll occasionally break into random songs (which is one of those things I worried that only I did!).
3. He is so dedicated to the gospel. Even though his whole family is still praying on a daily basis to "reclaim his soul" after he was baptized into the LDS church, his conviction is as strong as ever. I mean, come on, last night he asked me to help him do his family history so that we could bring his family names to the temple on Saturday. He absolutely knows the gospel is true and he recognizes that he's a much better person than he was before the Church enters his life. Oh, and he is completely set on serving a mission in 8 months when he hits his year-mark.

Which brings us to another interesting twist of fate. He's going to serve a mission, which I 100% support. But that means that after this week I don't have the possibility of seeing him again until the year 2017.

I don't even want to talk about how old I'm going to be in 2017.

So that brings us to the great question...why on earth did I meet this boy?

Well as my wise best friend put it,
"The way I see it, there are basically two reasons that God might have put this boy in your life: 1. He's your FEC [that's future eternal companion] or 2. He wanted you to see what you really should be looking for when you meet whoever IS your FEC.
Either way, enjoy it while you can, darling, because China calls."

In other words, I guess I could either blow up my brain trying to read between the lines, wondering if he is THE ONE and if that means I don't get married for another 3 years.....
....or I could just choose to enjoy this week, take a mental note of the things that I like about him, pledge to only marry a boy who respects me as much as Ammon does, and leave the rest up to God.

Yup, I choose option b. Which is a big deal for an overanalyzer like myself.

besitos,
the charmer

With summer coming to a close, things with Sam are...well I don't know what they are. Neither of us have brought up how his impending move for law school will affect us. Instead we talk about books and eat sketchy burritos.

I think the main reason we haven’t talked about it is neither of us wants to break-up or commit. The past couple of weeks with Sam have been easy. We text occasionally, date here and there, and most importantly don’t stress. That being said, I think the only thing I want from all of this is a buddy.

And it’s not like I think he’s in love with me. I think (ok I hope) he just enjoys my company and is equally as confused as to what he wants.

So we continue on, texting and flirting. Can I just say he’s like this witty, intellectual, cowboy. Which, come on, who wouldn’t want to chat up. Example of a very Sam moment. He called me up last night to schedule a date for this weekend. The phone call was one of the most awkward conversations I’ve had. It was once big silence after another. When I finally hung up I got a text from him “I’m awkward on the phone. Deal with it.”

Sam’s great.

Also, this summer I’ve been hanging out with two other guys from our ward. The first one is Grant. I’ve known Grant for a year now and every time I’m around him I walk away thoroughly impressed. The next guy is Ed. Ed is hard to pinpoint. Mostly because he’s either mute or hilarious. Cali and I are actually friends with Ed’s parents and his mom is convinced one of us should marry Ed. We keep telling her that would require him to speak to us.

Ed and Grant are also best friends and I love the dynamic of them and us. They join us for our standard Wednesday dinner with friends and we hang out with them on the weekends. I don’t know where any of this is going, but I enjoy the company so over-thinking is banned.

-The Bluestocking

I've noticed an interesting pattern in my life.

I just shared with you how I met Rex right before I left to be an EFY counselor all summer. Here he was, this awesome guy...and then I was gone.

Well, it's happened again. Here I am, with only a week left before I leave the country to go halfway across the world, and another incredible guy plops into my life.

I was set up on a blind date with him last Friday, and if your blind date history is anything like mine, you'll understand why I was so surprised when we actually ended up hitting it off. But hit it off we did! Ammon is incredible, and everything about him has impressed me so much. One of the coolest things about him is that he's only been a member of the church for four months, although you would never guess that because of his understanding of and love for the gospel. Seriously, I've been blown away by his insights. And because he still has that new convert fire, I would guess that a good 70% of our conversation is devoted to gospel topics (which as you might recall, I am totally okay with).

Have you ever met someone with whom you just click? Someone with whom you are completely 100% yourself around? Someone with whom you are totally open and honest with from the moment you met them? Someone with whom you have a good time, no matter what you're doing? [Yes, I'm sure some of you have, and you're probably the married ones]

Well, that's a pretty good way to describe how things happened with Ammon and me. Last week if you would have told me I would be spending every night until 3 am talking to a guy I'd just met, I would have said you were crazy. And if you would have told me how the only thing I'd be able to think about when I wasn't with him was him, I DEFINITELY wouldn't have believed you.

I was over it, remember? I was totally over dating.

And then somehow, this kid showed up out of nowhere and won me over. Along with all of our deeply satisfying conversations, we've also had our fair share of adventures due to the fact that most of our ideas don't quite end up the way we plan. For example, last night what started out as an innocent "night hike" ended up involving 1 angry park ranger, 1 old logging road that definitely could have been a horror movie setting, 4 empanadas, and 2 cops that pulled us over on the way back suspecting drunk driving [Officer, I promise, the accidental swerving was because we were just looking at the moon! I mean, just look at it! You would have swerved, too!]. And despite all the wildness, can I just say that it was one of the most memorable and enjoyable dates I've been on...possibly ever?

And throughout it all, we just keep shaking our heads and saying, "Why did we meet each other ONE WEEK before I leave?"

kisses,
the charmer

Last time I left you, I'd introduced my friend Jared, aka recently hired wingman. Most of the girls that had been ogling over Rex had left by this point, and so Jared and I sauntered over, with me beginning to wonder if this really was the best approach I could have thought of.

Here's kind of how how the conversation went.

ME: Hey, how's work been going?
REX: It's been pretty busy, but it hasn't been too bad.
JARED: What's your work schedule like? Do you work in the evenings?
REX: I usually just work during the day, but I've been helping my sister refinish her basement in the evening.
JARED: Oh, cool. Well maybe instead of working on the basement, you should spend your evening taking the Charmer on a date.
ME:

[aka speechless/horrified]
REX: [speechless/uncomfortable]
JARED: Just look at her. She'd love it if you took her on a date. You'd love it, too.
ME: [sending a death glare at Jared] Umm....OKAAAAY, Jared....<to Rex> Sorry, he always does this...
REX: ....Okay....ummm....
JARED: [thinks for a second, and then blurts out] SHE LOVES YOU!
ME: [punching Jared in the face...in my mind] Alriiiiight. <to Rex> You can just ignore him.

After that, we exchanged an awkward goodbye before Rex left, presumably leaving my life forever.

ME: <to Jared> You're officially fired as my wingman. Pretty sure he's never going to talk to me again.
JARED: Oh, he'll talk to you again. He's totally into you. I was just getting all of the awkwardness out of the way.
<END OF CONVERSATION>

In the end, I just sighed, shook my head, and shrugged it off. Whatever. I learned to embrace awkwardness as a missionary. Besides, even if Rex never DID speak to me again, I'd survive. After all, I was leaving in a week and a half for EFY anyways.

But....still. I liked the kid. So I decided to go to PLAN B.

PLAN B: Pray.
Hey, I'd been a missionary. When plans fell through, we prayed. We prayed A LOT. And so I may or may not have prayed for the opportunity to go on a date with Rex. Actually, I even prayed just to have the chance to have a real one-on-one conversation with him. After all, God tends to answer my prayers. Sooo I figured...why not?

PLAN C: Last Chance--Get Him at Institute!
Luckily, Rex DID actually speak to me again like Jared had predicted. I was truly shocked, seeing the direction our last conversation had gone.
In fact, he didn't just speak to me in passing...Rex and I ended up having a nice 30-minute conversation all of our own after institute the following week. My prayer was answered. YES!!! It was just as wonderful as I had imagined except that it was BETTER. We had a lot in common. He wants to travel. He loves missionaries. He's a musician. He knew a lot about psychology. We talked about all kinds of things, spanning topics from avoiding distractions and keeping the Spirit with us to playing piano to future life plans. It was fabulous. We both lamented the fact that I was leaving so soon. I told him I wished I would have gotten to know him sooner.
And that was that.
Eventually his ride showed up and he left, but not before making it clear that he was interested. Unfortunately I left 3 days later and so, unsurprisingly, nothing happened between us.

But I left that conversation grinning like a lunatic. Even if nothing else ever happens with Rex Burg, for 30 minutes on May 21, 2014 I was the happiest girl in that institute classroom. And I think that's important. Sometimes we forget to just rejoice in those little happy moments because we're too focused on trying to figure out how everything is supposed to fit together or we're worrying too much about what's going to happen next. But remember that scripture we had to memorize in high school..."Men are that they might have joy" [2 Nephi 2:25]? God created us to be HAPPY and I believe He gives us opportunities all the time, even if it's something as insignificant as a 2-for-1 coupon or a 30-minute conversation with a crush.

And of course, as I left the classroom, my friend Jared gave me one of those told you so! looks. As much as I thought he sucked as a wingman, maybe he was onto something with the whole "get the awkwardness out of the way" thing. Who knows....

xoxo,
the charmer

Previously on the Adventures of the Romantic: We last left our heroine maybe dating "the Korean." A situation which left her utterly confused and the members a bit wary. Click here for more details.

Well my dearest readers, its been quite a long time since our last little chat. It's not that I haven't had anything to write about, it's just that I've become quite lazy and have preferred to watch old episodes of Felicity inside of doing something productive like writing or studying for the GRE. (Side note: Ben+Felicity 5evvver) But never fear, because here we meet again, and boy, do I have a lot to tell you.

The thing about Koreans is, they are the busiest little busy bees you have ever met. So unless you make time to interact with each other, its not going to casually happen. Given this certain facet of Korean life, things with The Korean have sort of fizzled off. We meet maybe once a month, or once every other month. And I flirt with him because.... well... I can. And then we don't meet for another month.

Which brings us to the study café I now frequent these days. About three months ago, I began to attend a Korean study group. Attendance every week isn't mandatory. So we usually get a wide variety of foreigners that show up every week (some who are quite strange), as well as a fairly steady group of Korean college students. The lucky thing is, we all usually end up hanging out together after.

Through this little study café, I've met three guys that I'd love to tell you about: Mr. Real Man, The Employee, and the Korean Man of My Dreams (we'll just call him Mr. Korean Dreamboat for short, or Mr. KD).

The stories of each of these men deserve their own post. So I'll be back soon with more details. But it's monsoon season right now in Korea, and never has the phrase "when it rains, it pours" meant so much to me.

Until next time loves,
-the Romantic

In lieu of having any real dating developments to write about, I thought I'd share with you a story that I still chuckle about that occurred before I left on my adventurous EFY summer. Enjoy!

.....................................................................................................

There I was, recently returned missionary, trying to relearn how to navigate the waters of dating. And there he was, the most beautiful man my RM eyes had beheld.
His name was Rex. Rex Burg.

Rex entered my life at institute one night not quite two months after I came back from my mission. He had just moved here for the summer from BYU-ID. [And no, he was NOT one of the aforementioned summer sales boys.] I think the best way to explain it is this:
The moment I saw him, my heart was gone. He had it.

I realize that sentence may be the single most dramatic thing I've ever written on this blog. But that's honestly what happened. Maybe it wasn't instantaneous...maybe he made a few comments in class before my heart was coaxed from its usual perch...however, regardless of WHEN it happened that night, the truth is that by the end of the class I was crushing BIG TIME.

It was strange...really strange. Here I was, still half-afraid of guys, I didn't even KNOW this one, and yet all of a sudden the only thing I wanted to do was have a deep and satisfying conversation with him. Sure, I found him extremely attractive, but the level of my interest was more than just the usual feeling you have when you're checking out a cute guy. I doubt this will make much sense to you, but the best way I can describe how he felt to me when he walked in and the thought that kept running through my head was this: He feels like summer. Yes. He felt like summer. He just felt right.

Anyway, regardless of WHY I fell so hard for this newcomer, it happened. After the class that day, a group of us were talking and I found myself even more impressed with him. He was a really humble and sincere guy. He even seemed to show a little bit of interest in me....yes!

However, you may recall that in my recently returned missionary stage, I was somewhat clueless as to what to do with men. Flirting was a skill that had abandoned me over the last 18 months. I'd forgotten about elbow grabbing and invisible fluff, and witty banter seemed outside my realm of competency.

So, I came up with a plan.

PLAN A: Hire a Wingman

[Okay, just for the record, I didn't actually make plans on how to win Rex over. These things just sort of happened.]

The next week, he was there again at institute. The class was awesome and SUPER spiritual. We had some solid discussion and I was again impressed with Rex's spiritual insight and sensitivity. Apparently, all of the other girls were impressed as well, because after class let out he was surrounded by a group of them on one side of the room. I was actually not in this gaggle of girls; I was on the other side of the room chatting with my friend Rachel.

Cue Jared.

Jared is my red-headed slightly awkward friend whose favorite game is trying to set me up with every guy who walks into the church building. He'd been trying (unsuccessfully) to hook me up with everyone in sight since coming home. As soon as Rex entered the state, Jared sniffed him out and decided he'd be the perfect match for me. On Sunday, he'd cornered me and demanded to know, "Sooo...what do you think about Rex?"I figured it'd be nice for him to try set me up with someone I was actually interested in for a change, so I'd let him know that for once, he was right on target.

With this conversation in mind, Jared sidles over to me and Rachel and and asks, "Why aren't you over there with your lover boy? You're never going to win him over by standing on the other side of the room."

I paused before responding. Did I really want to involve Jared in this? However, I figured this was a grand opportunity to get a little help. So, still with a bit of hesitation, I told him, "Hey, Jared, I've forgotten how to flirt. I need you to be my wingman."

I've never seen his face light up so fast.

In hindsight, I should have known from the crazy gleam in his eyes that this was NOT going to end well...

xoxo,
the charmer

(Part 2 is on its way soon!)

Dearest Readers,

I have had the most wonderful hiatus. I do feel sorry that I have kept you out of the loop for three months, but now I have ever so much to tell you, and I am excited to write about all the wonderful and/or tedious details.

There have been four men who have played a large part in my summer romance, and never in a million years could I have imagined the events of this summer. (Disclaimer: No, I am not engaged, nor am I seriously dating anyone.). This summer has made me feel fresh and reawakened. And I know that men should not be the reason for my happiness, but good heavens, it is difficult not to feel delightful when one is treated with fondness and affection. I hardly know where to start, but I suppose it should be with the beginning of the summer when I foolishly got back on Tinder and met The Englishman.

Gird your loins.

The Lady

Going into church after the phone call with Henry was a nervy experience. While I wanted to act easy breezy I worried that I might freak out mid breezy and bolt at the sight of him. I was put to the test the second I stepped out of Sunday School and saw him in the hall. He was on one end, I on the other. I smiled, waved, and ducked into the nearest classroom on my right.

Once the coast was clear, I exited and continued down the hall when I saw James. The second he saw me, he slowed his roll, backed up against the wall and turned his face from me. I’m not kidding. That happened.

When did church become a series of avoidance maneuvers?

I finally made it to class and took the seat next to Calvin. I know I don’t mention him all too often, but I should because he’s wonderful. He’s just that guy who’s nice and makes you feel good about yourself, but not in a slimy I’m–hitting-on-you kind of way.

Halfway through the lesson I volunteered to read and once I was done Calvin pointed out that a lot of guys were watching me while I read. I look at the direction he was referring to and there was James.

Maybe he doesn’t hate me?

That night I was hanging out with friends when a girl from my ward texted me inviting me to a game night and emphasized that James would be there and I should come.

What the world?

While I would love to fix things with James, it does bother me that he continues to treat me as if I killed his dog and told him he was next. We don’t have to be friends, but if he could say hi to me, that would be awesome.

Mostly my goal for the Summer/Fall is to find peace. I’m tired of being haunted by my past relationships. I’m tired of punishing myself by thinking and reliving every moment of every date asking myself over and over “what else could I have done.” I can’t live with the constant blame so something needs to change.

Also, for the past month things have been going down with Sam and I may or may not have a new guy to add to the mix. I can’t emphasize how crazy this summer has been.

-The Bluestocking

Well, my summer of EFY is over. Easily one of the most fabulous summers I've ever had, even despite the lack of sleep and severe lack of quality food. Dating-wise, I ended the summer about where I started out: still relationship-less, but no bemoaning my plight. In fact, I'm super okay with it. I ended with 6 dates, 1 unfortunate hand-holding incident, and 1 ex-boyfriend who may still be in love with me (not Mr. Director, don't worry, that boy is off & married & I haven't said a word to him since I got home). There were also too many awkward moments to count as countless 15-year-olds tried to set me up with other counselors. Unfortunately for my girls this summer, they had a 0% success rate at actually getting me a date with said counselors.

An Update on the Men of my Summer:
--I hadn't heard from Logan in weeks until he randomly texted me last Thursday. Unfortunately there were no confessions of love or even offers to take me on a date. Phooey. I'm fairly doubtful anything will happen there...but a girl can dream, right?
--Nevada and I worked the same session this last week. Partway through the week, a couple of my girls happened to meet him and discovered that we knew each other. In fact, Nevada jokingly told them, "Ah yeah, the Charmer turned me down for a date a couple weeks ago." This of course fueled their little fires and the rest of the week was spent trying to hook us up. On Thursday I made the terrible mistake of playing a game with them called "What are the Odds" and ended up losing, meaning I had to ask Nevada on a date. Lemme just say....it was awkward. But, for the record, I now have a little more sympathy for boys. It's definitely intimidating, asking someone on a date. I've been on quite a few of them in my time but the actual asking is NOT an area I'm experienced in. (I'm pretty sure I've NEVER actually asked a boy out) So, to every guy out there who HAS asked a girl on a date....thanks for pushing through the awkwardness and the anxiety and for being bold enough to just do it. I know we ladies don't give you enough credit. Lesson learned.
--Remember Melbourne? Yeah, probably not, as he barely got a mention in my post that was completely devoted to my crush Logan. The thing is that neither of us was interested AT ALL in each other during the week we were actually co-counselors, but we still really hit it off and became fast friends. In the last 6 weeks we've gotten really close (friends-wise). We text all the time, I give him dating advice (as IF my RM self was qualified to do such a thing), and at every EFY function we always sit together and laugh too much and are WAY too irreverent. Anyway, I was sitting by him at breakfast on Saturday morning and all of a sudden it hit me. "Dang it. I think I have a thing for Melbourne."

How could I not have noticed?! When did this happen?! No idea, but it was fairly obvious to me as I sat next to him that I definitely cared about him a lot more than I would care about someone who was just a friend. Ay. Me and my restless heart.

Well, the unfortunate truth is that I probably won't see any of these boys again. I haven't mentioned this yet on the blog, but in a couple of weeks I am removing myself from the dating pool and from all of these nice eligible EFY boys. I am pulling a Romantic and am moving to Asia!

Yes, it's a pretty dramatic life change. I'm going to be teaching English in China for the next year! I am excited and terrified and am also wondering what sorts of repercussions this will have on my goal to get married at some point during my young adult life. But this opportunity just fell into my lap and I felt fantastic about it. I have no doubt that for whatever reason, it's exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.

And to be honest, I'm really not feeling too bad about leaving the dating scene. After all, remember how I'm so totally over it? Maybe a year-long sabbatical will be just what I need to get me excited to jump back in to the dating pool come next July.

Until then, I have about 2 1/2 weeks left in my American summer. Will Logan ever text me again? Will Nevada and I actually go on that date? Will I have any summer flings back home? Doubtful, but if anything interesting happens...I promise that you'll be the first to know.

xoxo,
the charmer

I hate dating.

Is it okay to say that?

I know there was a time as a freshman/sophomore/junior in college when I loved it. I loved flirting, I loved that satisfying feeling when the guy I'd had my eye on finally asked for my number, I loved picking outfits and getting all dolled up for dates, I loved coming home and discussing all the details with my roommates.

But now, just a few years later, I feel like I am so over it. This is obviously a problem if I ever plan on getting married (which, contrary to popular belief, I do). Because this is the time when it matters, right?! I'm finally at a place in life where I feel like, "Okay, I could get married...." and yet the very last thing I want to do is date.

I've just gotten to the point where I'm sick of going on dates, I'm sick of playing "the game," I'm sick of trying to decide whether or not to send a "post-date text" because I can't decide if I'm actually interested enough to pursue things further.

Maybe the problem is I just haven't been going on dates with anyone I've been particularly interested in. I did have a slight spark of excitement on Saturday when I got a call from Nevada (who I honestly thought had dropped out of the picture) asking me on a date. Unfortunately, he invited me to go see a show in Orem that he had JUST gotten tickets to. It started in 10 minutes and I was already in Salt Lake hanging out with some other friends. It was probably the most bummer moment of my week, realizing there was no way I was going to be able to make it down in time. We decided we'd do a rain check some other time...I'm hoping it actually happens.

I think all of this dating angst was probably brought on by the fact that yesterday I went on a 2nd date with a guy and on the way back to the car, out of the blue he reached over and grabbed my hand. My first reaction was complete and utter shock, since I felt like this move was totally unwarranted since as far as I could tell, I had not been giving off those sorts of vibes (no elbow touching or anything of that sort). My second reaction was that I felt a little ticked off. We'd just had a nice date and now he had to go and ruin it by putting me in an awkward position. I almost went all diva on him.

Maybe this is the feminist in me, but honestly, it made me feel a tad victimized. This wasn't the first time I've had a guy go for the hand-grab or even go for a kiss when I was totally not feeling it. Yet it seems there's this cultural expectation that as girls, when a guy makes a move we just need to go along with it.

I don't know. What do you think?

Also, is anyone else completely and totally over this whole dating thing? Maybe we should start a support group.

sigh,
the charmer

After my nightcall with Henry I was feeling loads better about life and I was trying my darndest to not fret over the date with Sam. I was also wondering if Henry and Sam had chatted about the phone calls that went down last Sunday.

Sam shed some light on that when he texted me on Monday commending me for “getting straight up” with Henry. He went on to say Henry deserved it for being so boneheaded and Sam had told him so last week. Then he said the oh-so-famous lines “he’s just inexperienced.”

Let me just say that comment INFURIATES me. I told Sam that I was tired of guys using the excuse of being inexperienced to do whatever they want to someone else. At some point you just need to be a decent person.

Now can we talk about how weird it is that they are not only talking to each other about this, but Sam is telling me what they are talking about? It’s not ok.

Friday night Sam picked me up and we headed to a local used bookstore. Yes, this was another bookstore date. I can't help myself!

We traveled up and down each aisle picking up our favorite reads trying to convince the other why this novel would change their soul when we both came upon The Great Gatsby and uttered the same quote allowed. It was possibly the nerdiest moment I’ve had and I would re-live it any day.

Afterwards we had a solid conversation about our lives and families and passions. Honestly, I wasn't expecting much from this date and it shocked me how much I enjoyed being around Sam. And while I don’t like comparing the guys I date, it was hard not to notice Sam was more apt to dig deeper then Henry.

Does this mean I like him? Maybe. I just don’t know.

-The Bluestocking

This weekend I went to church not knowing what to expect with Henry. Would we talk? Would there be an awkward you’re-dating-my-friend vibe? The answer to those questions is no. Henry is Henry after all and everything with him is high fives and laughs all around.

After sacrament we had a brief 5 minute flirt fest that sent me reeling. How dare he flirt with me? How dare he act as is he has done nothing wrong while I have to sit through relief society and listen to Lucy Steele go on and on about how Henry needs her and how she helps him through all his problems because he’s a dumb dumb.

I didn’t completely disagree with her.

When I got home from church I noticed I had a missed call from Sam. I snapped. Here I was caught in this uncomfortable situation, complaining that I had no control, when I realized I have control. This is my life and if I want answers then by golly I will get my answers.

I quickly sent a “we need to talk text” to Henry. He texted me back, but I knew this was something I needed to hash out voice to voice. That’s when I called him and calmly said that I deserved an explanation as to why a guy would date me for over two months, plan a date the following week, stand me up, and then go back to flirting with me on Sundays.

I believe I even laughed because why not sound crazy.

Henry decided to use the cliché and disappointing excuse that he "forgot" the date we spent a day planning. Then he said he felt like I didn’t have feelings for him so he stopped liking me. Classic.

Ok. Now I would have accepted that from past guys, but I felt like I was different with Henry. The week before he decided I didn’t like him, I invited him to watch a movie with me, then I invited him to dinner, AND THEN I asked him to the girl ask guy dance.

Yeah…it would be really hard gauging a girls feelings when she continues to ask you to do stuff with her.

But I didn’t bring any of this up, and this is why. Midway through his explanation something inside of me just clicked off. It was as my brain flipped the “I like Henry” switch and I was done. In that moment I just felt that I was so much better that the pathetic excuses this man-child was offering me.

Also, I need to say this. I know Henry's a good guy. I honestly do. I know he lacks dating experience and he probably didn't know how I was feeling, but I wish he would have handled it differently.

He could have easily said, “hey I didn’t feel like we were a good match and I’m sorry I wasn’t upfront about how I was feeling.” Boom. It’s not that hard. Now I get to analyze all of my actions on our past dates. Could I have been more forward? Why did I keep holding back? Is it possible that this is kinda sorta my fault??

The blame game's a hoot.

Once I hung up with Henry, I called Sam back only to realize he was watching the game with a group of guys that included Henry. AWKWARD. Anyways, I have a date with Sam this Friday.

-The Bluestocking

P.S Obsessed with this song and it was playing while my nightcall went down. Quite the coinky dink.

This last Monday for FHE we had a Stake activity and Sam texted me earlier that day saying we needed to get a group to go together. Yes please. Once there Sam asked me where Henry was. I replied that he should know more than I. That quickly turned into a what-in-the-world-happened-to-you-two convo. Sam said the last he heard Henry was taking me out to dinner and I explained that that was the last I heard as well.

As I explained my past month, Sam sat shocked at his friend’s callous behavior. He finally responded that someone needed to tell Henry this was not ok and he would be the one to do it.

Then, being the friend that he is, Sam tried to defend Henry. He said that dear Henry had actually never dated anyone before and even though he seems perfectly capable; he has no idea what he is doing. To which I said even a fool knows you don’t ask a girl out and then not take her.

We went on to discuss how nothing made sense and even though the conversation seems serious in tone, it was actually quite funny. Once we were done with that we entered into a lively hour discussing our love of literature and whether Milton was a better writer than Shakespeare.

It was a great night and Cali pointed out that Sam had learned more about my feelings and passions in one night than Henry had in two months.

After FHE, Sam and I spent the next couple of days sending each other our favorite literary essays. It was the perfect nerd fest. Sam is fantastic, that being said I don’t know how I feel about him, but it’s nice to have some distraction from the Henry dramalama.

But with our chats becoming more frequent, does that mean Sam has talked to Henry? And if so, what did Henry say about everything, “meh, you can have her?”

Things with Sam continued to pick up and yesterday he invited me to an impromptu drive about town. We talked Emerson, Wilde, Woolf, and even Austen. He is outstanding. And as I sat there talking to him I kept telling myself he’s fantastic he’s fantastic, but I still have this sinking feeling that something is missing.

I think my biggest problem is Henry. I spent the last couple of months falling for a guy and entering into a relationship (if I can call it that) of ease and hilarity with someone I truly connected with. I miss us and I don’t know if you can miss someone while dating their best friend.

-The Bluestocking

P.S. Also, I called Henry tonight... Post to follow!

Well, another week of EFY down. No wild drama with my co-counselor this week, sorry to disappoint. My girls were the younger group and I think they talked about boys a maximum of two times. I guess it was nice to have a break from the relentless antics of 16-year-old hopeless romantics, especially after a few of the more awkward moments that happened at the end of last week with Logan (this included one of my girls at the dinner table leaning over to him and demanding that he take a picture with me).

Despite the fact that I [probably prematurely] decided that Logan was possibly too wild and a tad too awkward, I found myself thinking about him a LOT this week. Dang it, guess this was more than just your typical EFY "crush of the week!" Since I'd gotten over Nevada so quickly, I kind of figured Logan might end up the same way. But I actually found myself really missing him this week. Unfortunately, I don't actually have anything promising to report. He texted me once this week but that was it.

However, surprisingly to me, my love life IS starting to pick up. After a dry spell of 7 weeks of zero dates and zero guys seemingly interested, all of a sudden I have men popping up in my life.

So, I have a confession. Before my mission, I used to take my ability to charm men for granted. Since returning home, I feel like I completely lack the ability to charm anyone and thus am genuinely surprised when it happens. Well, apparently it's been happening. As a result, I have been a little bit on the "rather shocked" side this week.

First off, I have a blind date of sorts tomorrow evening. It's one of those "Hey, I'm a friend of your friend and I saw you on Facebook and how about we go get dinner?" I'll admit, I'm a little nervous. My social life has been primarily composed of teenage boys this summer. And remember how I'm still trying to shake those awkward RM vibes? EFY hasn't given me a lot of practice knowing what to do when I'm alone with a man at dinner, much less a man I don't even know.

I was nervous enough about that date when I opened my email and discovered that one of the counselors I had worked with last week had sent me a message. It was totally out of the blue and it read as follows:

Hey Charmer,
I just wanted to take a second to tell you that I think you are absolutely gorgeous, a great counselor, and that I would like to take you on a date sometime. I'm sorry this is over e-mail and not in person, I wanted to talk to you Saturday morning before leaving but never got the chance. I'll be working in ***** next week but after the 20th I'll be back in Utah and would love to see you again and get to know you a little better. If you'll be available and would like to do something, please let me know. I guess I'm just trying to say that I just met you and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe...haha.

Honestly, my first reaction when I read this was, Wait....ME?!

I was super surprised, since a) it was so unexpected and b) I think I've become convinced that I am super awkward around boys and super unattractive in EFY polos and thus no one in their right minds would be interested. But I emailed him back and let him know that I'd love to get together some time.

As if that wasn't ENOUGH craziness for one day (I thought it was), later that night when I logged onto Facebook I had a message from an elder who served with me in my mission. It was sort of the same gist...Hey, just wanted to know when you're working EFY in Provo because I'd love to catch up with you! We could go grab dinner or something!

I guess it's true what they say--"When it rains, it pours." After my little dry spell I've now been hit by a downpour of potential suitors.

Maybe I'm a little more charming than I thought I was...?

Anyway, my roommate this week thought these twists in my love life were pretty hilarious. So she gave me a copy of "TWO" magazine, the new dating publication put out by BYU. It's a gem. Basically, I should be set. Bring it on, blind date!

xoxo,
the charmer

Last week, Henry continued to pretend like nothing happened between us and Lucy Steele continued to live stream their blooming relationship via FB so that’s fun. Henry's doing such a great job friend-zoning me that I have trouble remembering us dating. Did it actually happen or did I make the last couple of months up? Either way, I know I need to talk to him, I'm just choosing my moment. You know, I've heard November is a splendid time for awkward confrontations.

Anyhoo, after spending so much time stressing over my non-relationship with Henry, I decided I needed to buck it up and be awesome. One of you commented that I needed to show him I had options AND I was thinking the same thing.

I had an opportunity to scout out new options at Henry’s 4^th of July party which Henry invited me to. He’s the worst. I showed up towards the end. I had, after all, better things to do…ok I didn’t, but he didn’t need to know that.

I strolled into his house around 10, threw a “hey” his way and joined a group of guys in his family room for a lively chat. Can I just say it was a great night. I thought it would be terrible, but it was oodles of fun and the guys there were outstanding and included Henry’s bestie Sam whom I met while double dating with Henry.

Saturday night we had stake conference and Sam came and sat by me. Important facts about Sam: he was an English major, he is law school bound and he sports man scruff. After conference a couple of the guys from the night before reintroduced themselves and suggested we go grab ice cream. It ended up being Cali, me, and nine guys. The odds were most definitely in our favor.

I also need to mention that on Saturday night Mrs. Bennet came up to me and said that since Henry had meetings tomorrow morning she was worried Lucy Steele wouldn’t have a ride to stake conference and she asked me to reach out and invite her.

While no was what I wanted to say, my goal was to be awesome, and awesome I would be. I invited Lucy Steele to join our carpool and guess who never texted me back? She did however make it to conference and was happily glued to Henry the rest of the day.

After stake conference they had a dinner for us singles to mingle at. So far I had successfully avoided Hucy (Henry + Lucy and it's pronounced hussy because it makes me happy inside) all day and was on my way out when I passed a table that contained Hucy and Sam. Sam called out insisting I join them. I sat for a total of 5 minutes and pulled out my most witty and carefree self then left, but not before Sam suggested we hang out again.

Welp, I guess hanging out with Henry's bestie would be the perfect thing to make things more interesting/confusing/weird, so why not.

-The Bluestocking

First of all, thank you for all your comments! I was blown away when I checked the blog today. It's just nice to know I'm not the only one who's gone through this. And while the non-date went down a week and a half ago, I’m still trying to decide what I can live with: the not-knowing or the possible rejection. The biggest problem is I want to know, but I’m a pansy and he’s continued to flirt with me since. Also, all kinds of weirdness has been happening as of late so I’m going to try and get you caught up this week.

The week after the non-date Henry got himself a little fan. Let’s call her Lucy Steele.

Lucy came into the picture about a month ago and while I knew she had a thing for Henry's friend, I never thought she would jump ships especially if I was in the picture. Well that changed last week when she decided to make it very apparent something is happening with ol Henry. His facebook for the past week and a half has been peppered daily with inside jokes, pictures, and comments commending him for his good looks. No joke, she literally commented on several of his old profile pictures about how handsome he is.

I’ve decided to be the bigger person and bottled up my feelings in a healthy fashion. So at last week’s FHE when Lucy Steele came up to me I plastered on a happy face and asked her how her weekend was. She went on to not only tell me the details on her weekend, but to list all the things her and Henry had been up to that week. Things that Henry and I had previously planned to do together.

You may be thinking, oh Lucy probably didn’t know you and Henry were a thing. Um, no, she did. We’ve actually talked about it before. She’s truly a delight. And I got to stand there as she went on and on talking about how much fun they were having.

The only thing that could have made the situation worse was if Henry came up. Which is what happened. He high fived both of us and stayed around to flirt for about 10 minutes. When he went to leave, Lucy asked him to come over later that night to help her with something.

Needless to say I picked up Ben and Jerry’s before I started writing this post.

-The Bluestocking

After the confusion that was the ward camp-out, things with Henry changed. It felt like someone smacked him upside the head and told him to step up. Bless that culprit. The week that followed we spent more time together and I even asked him to the stake girl ask guy dance. Granted Cali was in charge of it and basically forced me, but still I asked a guy out. It was a big deal.

Sadly he was gone that weekend so the dance didn’t happen, BUT he did say he would make it up to me with dinner and an adventure that next Friday and we spent the day hashing out the details to our coming date.

With Henry gone that weekend, we kept in contact with witty texts throughout the day. On Sunday I had rando girls approaching me to declare they were pro Blenry. It was as if overnight we had become that ward couple that people rooted for/despised. I kinda loved it. AND maybe, just maybe, this would make Henry’s friends stop asking me out.

I went to FHE excited for a Blenry reunion, but twas not so. Instead Henry got to know another girl. To say I was hurt is an understatement. I decided to keep calm and wait for Friday’s date to see what was going on.

But then something funny happened. And by funny I mean devastating. He didn’t take me out for our planned Friday date. He simply ignored me. No texts. No calls. Nothing.

So I spent Friday night watching When Harry Met Sally on t.v. and downing the biggest milkshake I could find in town. At least I’m eating again? On Sunday a family obligation took me from a run in with Henry and instead left me with family members tormenting me with questions like “How’s Henry?” and "You had a date this weekend, right?".

It was definitely a low point.

Now here’s the thing, I didn’t realize you could date someone for over two months and have them ignore you. I feel ever relationship passes a point where you can’t just walk away without a word and we passed that point a month ago.

What’s a girl to do: confront him or take a hint and leave him alone?

-The Bluestocking

So I was hoping if I tried to update you regularly this week I'd have something fab to report.

Instead, I have this:

I'm #givinguponlove.

Yup. I'm pretty sure I'm going back to square one...aka no prospects, no crushes, and #foreversingle. Today I discovered that Logan is probably crazy. I mean, I know we don't get much sleep at EFY, but today I was led to believe that the boy is certifiably NUTS. With or without sleep.

To his credit, though, he's still "intimidatingly cute" (as one of my girls referred to him) and hilariously funny at times and he seems to have most of his priorities in order. Solid testimony and all that.

But....all I'm saying is I saw a side of him today that made me realize he may be a little much for me. Like the whole maniacal laughter thing.....? Yeah. I don't know about that.

Oh and also I want to eat all the Oreos in the world.

sigh,
the charmer

PS- Random Anti-Austen throwback: My co this week is Mr. Complimentary. You probably don't even remember him, it was so long ago!

The annual ward campout was a trying two days. While I wanted to drive up with Henry, he played the dutiful son and went early to set up. I drove into the campsite later that night, spotting Henry waiting for me in the main building. As he approached a weird vibe descended. It was as if we were meeting for the first time; each unsure what to say or how to act. The events that followed proved we were a little too content to hang out with other people instead of each other.

Towards the end of the night I found myself sitting with Calvin and Cali when I looked up and there was Henry crossing the room to settle in beside me and finally the weird vibe dissipated.

The one on one time was exactly what we needed, but as our conversation continued on I had the nagging worry Henry was turning me into his little fan girl instead of his equal. I’m all for listening to a guy’s tales of glory, but I need to at least get a word in edgewise. Even with this thought going through my head, I was hoping we might stay up and get to the bottom of all the confusion. But as everyone headed for bed, Henry abruptly got up and left without a word.

I went to bed frustrated and woke up in foul mood, but I was determined to make the most of my time in the woods. I spent the morning playing games with a group of guys, and Henry was nowhere to be found. On my way back to my tent I ran into Henry who announced he was going hiking with a group of friends. I waited for a “you should come” but apparently that was a silly assumption.

I spent the rest of the day thoroughly confused. And the confusion doubled when Smitie, Henry’s cousin, called me up to go on a lunch date. RAGE.

I told Smitie I was still in the mountains, because I was, and went in search of something to punch.

After my fruitless plight to punch, I went back to the guys I was with before and had a smashing morning. Who needs Henry to have fun! Ok I do...but I’m working with what I have. I also got trapped into a grand two hour convo with the leaders about what more I should be doing to snag my eternal mate.

I stayed up that night worrying about my next interaction with Henry. Did his behavior on the campout mean he wasn't feeling us anymore? And if that was true, how in the world was I going to make it through church without having a mini breakdown.

That Sunday I entered the chapel and swiftly made my way to my bench, head down, heart pounding. I barely had time to open the program when I saw Henry approaching from the side. I stood up to greet him and his arm went around me and the flirting commenced. I guess that’s a good sign? After sacrament I passed the library which contained not just Henry, but Smitie. Henry, upon seeing me, called out insisting that I not only join him but I stay by his side. Smitie refused to make eye-contact.

I’m a terrible person. A happy person, but a terrible one all the same. The happiness level doubled when Henry joined me for a movie that night. Maybe I was worrying for nothing.

-The Bluestocking

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