The Charmer's Thoughts on her Long-Distance Relationship

6/24/2015 The Charmer 2 Comments

Well, time has flown by again, as it tends to do. This last week brought a few big changes into the life of Charmer. Ammon (or "Elder Ammon" as I guess he's now known) has headed off to a more worthwhile endeavor than weekly Skype sessions with me. That went fast, RIGHT? He entered the MTC on June 17th about the same time I hopped on a plane to come back to the good ol' no, to answer your question, we didn't see each other. Although I would have loved to see him again, I know this is a better option. [He wasn't so sure. But I saw Mr. Director the day I went into the MTC and so I could PROMISE Ammon that it is better this way.]

I guess I can now officially say I've had a successful long-term relationship...and for eight months, no less! Not too shabby for a girl who NEVER thought she could handle a long-term relationship.

In fact, I've learned a few lessons from this relationship that I think apply to all relationships. I realized that through this across-the-world romance, I was able to strengthen a few characteristics that will help me in future relationships as well.

We often talk about being committed to one another when dating, but with this relationship I learned how important it is to be committed to the relationship as well. You really have to be committed to making a long-distance relationship work. The time difference usually means one of you is Skyping past your bedtime. It's not as easy or convenient to send a text or call each other as it is in non-distance relationships. Since I've demonstrated varying levels of commitment in my life it was good for me to have this opportunity to CHOOSE to be committed in order to make this relationship work.

Obviously, trust is of the utmost importance in any relationship. In a long-distance relationship you really develop the characteristic of both trust and trustworthiness. My parents trust that I'm making good decisions out here on my own in China; likewise, Ammon also trusted that I wasn't getting myself into too much trouble. I got to demonstrate my trust in him, too; after all, he had a lot more viable dating options than I did. Based on one of my past relationships, I could have made the excuse that "trust is something I struggle with in relationships." But just like with commitment, I made the choice to trust...and it really helped me to have a positive experience with Ammon.

I was surprised by how quickly I achieved a high level of openness in my relationship with Ammon. I had dated him for a shorter amount of time than other guys but yet I felt like we both knew each other better. One benefit of long-distance relationships is that you have a lot of time to There's no cuddling or movie watching. Obviously I enjoy those things, but it was refreshing to experience a relationship without them for once. I discovered that surprisingly, it is possible. I think we know each other pretty well, even though we've only spent a total of 2 weeks together in person.

Commitment, trust, and openness were all aspects of relationships that I have struggled with in the past. Voila! Can't say I'm perfect, but I am glad for the slight to major improvements I've seen in all three areas. Apparently a long-distance relationship was exactly what I needed these last eight months.

And now....I guess we'll see what happens. I suppose it's time to throw myself back into the dating pool. Let's try to avoid the piranhas. [I realized a moment ago that I had absolutely NO idea how to spell "piranhas"....I don't think it's a word I've ever had a reason to write or type before. Thank goodness for auto-correct]

the charmer

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The Rational said...

I've known the girl I've mentioned in other comments for almost five years now. In the last two and a half years, we've seen each other in person for little more than three weeks. That won't change for another eighteen months. That's more than four years without much personal contact—weekly it's a 3/208 ratio of time spent physically together. However, we've never had a gap in mutual communication for more than six weeks (and that was an anomaly). Some people might think we're crazy, and rightly so, but we're still deeply intent on getting married.

If you want it to happen and you know it's the right thing, then you can do anything.

John Brett said...

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