A person who can write a long letter with ease, cannot write ill.

2/29/2012 The Lady 15 Comments

The following is a letter to me from our dearest, darling Romantic. If you have yet to read every inch of this blog which began with her wonderful stories, shame on you. Go back and soak up every one of her words. The rest of us are just mere fluff compared to her. Now for the letter. (Unfortunately, some bits have been omitted to protect the identities of the innocent).

-The Lady


My dearest Lady,
Thank you so much for the blog update. I've been wondering how the good ole' blog was fairing. It's not something I expected to miss. And I wondered when I left on my mission if I would ever come back to it. But I think I will. It's too much a part of me.

There is so much about missionary work that is similar to dating that I find it hard to understand why some RM's have such a difficult time returning to the dating world. (Feel free to pass this on to our dear readers). All the answers to being a good boyfriend (or girlfriend) are found in PMG (Preach My Gospel)! There's a section on listening for goodness sake's! Every first lesson is like a first date. Every time my companion and I text our investigators, we wait by the phone, anxious to hear from them. We ask girls for their numbers all the time. It really isn't too terribly difficult. And I'm speaking KOREAN! My companion is going home soon, and I've already committed her to start actively seeking a husband. (That's only mostly a joke).

Korean couples are absolutely hilarious. Couples will buy matching shirts, shoes, or even coats. They love each other in such an angsty teenage way. It's so funny! This stationary (which has animated pictures of teenage Koreans, with lines which read, "'Til the dying day, My most precious one My most reliable one My best warm hearted one I wish it'll always be you. Only you, and I") is a perfect example of how goofy it all is. And yet, I love it so much. It's the perfect country for a romantic such as myself to serve.

The MTC was so fun. I do have a small confession to make. Somehow I ended up with a little fan club of elders that had no sisters in their district. And while I did nothing to encourage it, shamefully I'll admit that I did nothing to discourage it either. Except when they tried to take "candid" pictures of me in the laundry room on P-Day. That just wasn't fun for anyone involved.

And now, I wouldn't be a missionary unless I gave some sound advice from a prophet of the Lord.

"Those who are single should desire a temple marriage and exert priority efforts to obtain it." -Dallin H. Oaks

Well, that's pretty explicit. I hope you pass that on to our dear readers.

I'm just at my 6 month mark. So, only one more short year, and we'll all be together again to publish our dating shenanigans to all the world! I should have some funny ones as an RM...

Much Love,
The Romantic

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5 First Date Conversation Tips

2/29/2012 The Closer 5 Comments

I loved The Charmer's post about first date tips so much that I wanted to keep the advice a-flowin'. One of her points was how nice it is to have good conversation, and I have guys voicing frustrations to me all the time about their struggles with making small talk on a first date. Because I am such a kind soul, here are some tips that I have offer for how to make that conversation a little bit easier. These are for both the ladies AND the guys (but honestly, mostly the guys).

1. Don't discount the basics.

When you don't know where to start, it is alright to ask the "where are you from/what are you studying/what do you do/how many siblings do you have" sort of questions. Conversation is meant to help us form relationships, and all of these questions can be great for unearthing some of those relationships. Your cousin went to their same high school, you thought about choosing that same major, you read an article about being the middle child and what that means. Focus on trying to find the ways that you can connect with each other based on the answers to the basics.

2. Follow up is everything.

All of the "basics" are no good unless you use that information to start a chain of sharing. When you ask what they are studying, ask why they chose that major, what they want to do with it, if they considered anything else before choosing, what their favorite classes have been and why. You get the idea. Sometimes on a date it will feel like every time I am answering a question, he is trying to think of the next one liner question to ask. What is a better idea, is while the other person is answering a question, be thinking  "What is something they said that I want to know more about?". Basically you want to get to the point where answers are more like stories, because once you're telling stories, there is SO much more material to keep the conversation going.

3. Forget yourself.

Everyone loves to talk about themselves (especially girls, we just love to talk in general), so focus on letting the other person talk about themselves. Too many times I've been on a date where it feels like a guy wants to tell me all of the reasons why he's awesome. Newsflash, I don't know you well enough to care enough about those things yet. In sales we learn that "emotion makes the sale, and logic keeps it closed", I love the way this translates into dating. When you are telling us about how you were AP for 16 months or how you got a 4.0 GPA for the last 2 years- nothing about that provokes an emotional reaction, except maybe annoyance. On the other hand, when you appear interested in the things I have to say, and like you want to really understand more about who I am, that makes me feel really great. Focus on making your date feel like they are the most interesting person in the world for that hour or two that you are together, and I can almost guarantee they will have a good time. If this is hard for you, remember that everyone has been through something that you haven't been through, so you have something to learn from everyone.

4. Show interest in what they are excited about.

This ties closely into number three, but a great way to make your date feel like a million bucks is to care about what they care about. As they are telling you things about themselves, and you notice that they seem to be excited about anything in particular, ask a ton of questions about that. I really love my job (as you can tell by the way I work it into every post), and it's so fun for me when people are interested to hear about sales. Maybe he is in the midst of a big project at work that he's excited about, maybe she loves her Zumba class, maybe he just got back from a fun trip- try to notice what they are excited about and let them talk about it. Do your best to make sure they don't feel like you're bored with them, so pay attention, ask plenty of questions, make eye contact and smile while they're talking to indicate that you want to hear more.

5. Don't forget to laugh.

While you want to be able to talk about some "meatier" things, you also want to be careful not to get so deep that it's intimidating. Remember, you (probably) barely know them, so share things about yourself accordingly. A great way to keep conversation fun but light is to crack jokes or tell funny stories, it also helps to alleviate tension and make people feel more at ease. I heard on the radio recently that one of the most useless and overused phrases that people put on their online dating profiles is "I love to laugh", because no-duh, who doesn't? Make sure to keep a balance of funny and "real" conversation, so that way you're demonstrating you can both have fun AND connect with them.

So there you have it! Five easy tips to help you really boost the quality and ease of your first date conversations. And remember that practice makes perfect, so try these techniques anytime you can- they're a great way to help get closer to anyone, not just your date!

Yours Truly,

The Closer

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For the GUYS: Four Suggestions for Improving First Dates

2/29/2012 The Charmer 12 Comments

Dang. I missed my posting day for real this time. Excuse me for sucking at life. But what was supposed to be a 1 1/2 hour outing (at most!) to get free pancakes and go grocery shopping at Walmart last night turned into a 3-hour excursion. And then I wanted to go to bed by 10:30 because I had somewhere to be at 6:30 this morning. (Aka my excuse for why you didn't get a blog post yesterday.)

Also, I didn't have anything terribly pressing or passionate I wanted to write about. No breakups, no romantic Valentine's Day reunions, no proposals.

Anyway, I've been thinking a bit about first dates lately.

Mr. Dir has a new RRM roommate and I've been watching him as he starts his dating life from scratch. I've found myself thinking, Wow. I do NOT want to go through that again. First dates, albeit at times amusing, have pretty much lost their luster for me. I'm probably not old enough to be allowed say that. But I've been on a lot of first dates and a lot of them have been pretty bad.

However, during the break I went on a few first dates and one of them was particularly good. It was so good, in fact, that I thought I'd share with you why it was so good in the hopes of improving your own first dates. So, male readers--this one's for you!

1. First off, it was a breakfast date. We made breakfast together at his apartment.
I love breakfast dates because a) I love breakfast and b) they're a little out-of-the-ordinary, which makes them unexpected. Breakfast dates are fun because they're not your usual evening/night date--having a date in the morning just really gives the date such a fun, casual feel. Plus, your night is still open! Lunch dates are fun too.
So, how can you apply this to your dating life? Doing something a little different on a date really stands out to girls. I'm impressed when guys think up something creative and even a little quirky. (Keep in mind, though, that doing something too strange is...well, it's strange. Don't be so concerned with making your date completely unique that you find yourselves dumpster diving for buttons so that your girl can make a button mural of a scene from her dreams the previous night.)

2. We were DOING something.
One of my favorite dates just happens to be making meals. I don't really know why, but I think it's because I enjoy doing something productive and having something to show for it at the end while still having the opportunity to chat and get to know the person. In my opinion, it's so much better than sitting around watching a movie. Again, this is really a personal preference--but if you can choose a date where you're doing something that leaves you with something to show for it in the end, that is AWESOME! It's fun to have a souvenir of your date. Plus, the advantage is that every time she sees it, she'll think of you! I think this is why date places like Color Me Mine are so popular. On my first date with The Ex, I came home with a Utah Flash t-shirt. It was so fun every time I pulled out that shirt to remember our first date.

3. On the date we had good conversation.
I really didn't feel like it was a first date, since the conversation went so smoothly and he seemed to be very much at ease. The worst part of first dates is feeling like you're being interrogated. When a guy is just firing questions at me, I feel like I'm in a job interview instead of a date and I don't like it. On this breakfast date, there were a couple of times when he started asking me questions like "How many kids are in your family?" and I remembered, Oh yeah. First date. But eh, I feel like a certain amount of getting-to-know-you questions are fairly inevitable on a first date. I cringed a little when he pulled out the What's your favorite band? card. I hate that question. But other than that, the conversation flowed very well. (Mr. Director and I had really good conversation on our first date. No silly rapid-firing-of-questions.)

4. He kept it short--The date was at 10am and we were done by 11:15. Perfect, especially since I had somewhere to be at 12.
The principle you can take away here: SHORT DATES ARE GOOD DATES! I personally don't think a first date needs to be more than 2 hours. After all, it's better to leave her wanting MORE than to leave her wishing she'd seen less of you. This doesn't mean that if things are going great and you're having great chemistry and conversation that you need to abruptly end the date. A really useful tactic for guys is to leave an opening for an allowable extension. At the beginning of the date, let the girl know you'll have her home by a certain time. Then, if things are going fabulously, when that time is approaching you can allow her to extend the date. You can say something along the lines of, "Well, it's almost 10:30. So I can take you home now...or, if you want, we can go and grab some hot chocolate before I bring you back." This way, you're letting her know that you're interested in spending more time with her. You're still honoring your commitment to bring her home at a decent hour, AND you're letting HER decide whether or not she wants to keep spending time with you. It's a smart move. And Mr. Director tried it on me twice and it totally worked both times. (In fact, it STILL works on me every time he tries it.)

One strike against Breakfast Boy--we were making breakfast at his apartment, and I ended up walking over there because he didn't have a car. I know it would have been a little counterproductive for him to walk to my apartment to pick me up and then walk right back to his apartment, but there's something to be said for picking up a girl for the date. (Especially since I didn't actually know where his apartment was, as I'd only been to the complex once before)

But other than that, kudos to him for a fantastic first date!

So, let's make a little FIRST DATE CHECKLIST of things to keep in mind when you're planning a first date:
1. Don't stick to the same-old "dinner and a movie" routine. Try something different.
2. Pick an activity that allows you to do something together! (And if you have something to show for it afterwards, even better!)
3. Don't make the conversation feel like a one-sided interview.
4. Keep it short!

Of course, if any of you ladies are planning on making the first move and asking a guy out, these tips are great for you to keep in mind as well!
On that subject, guys, what do you think about girls who ask you out instead of the other way around?

xoxo,
The Charmer

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What are the symptoms of like?

2/27/2012 The Blue Stocking 6 Comments

So you’re probably thinking after last week’s post about the exciting date that I would have more exciting news like “Bingley asked me out again!” or “Bingley told me he liked me!” or even “Bingley and I went ring shopping!” {hey, it’s BYU it could happen}.

Those would all be real swell wouldn’t they?

But alas, none of that has come to pass. Alas, I have entered into a great state of confusion. And alas, you are all going to help me figure this out.

See, just because those above phrases were never uttered, doesn’t mean we are done. Nope, it just means I get to stand around dazed and confused.Here’s what did happen last week; three parties filled with hormones, confusion, and food.

Thursday night: party number one. I went to a party and Bingley was there. I tried to play it cool, give him his space and whatnot. Then the night became a giant swing dance {not literally of course}, we would find each other and talk, then people would pull us apart to talk to them, then we would swing around and chat some more, and then we would be pulled apart. And it went on and on, swinging to and fro.

I have to say I didn’t really like it all that much, it was dizzying and annoying. And I’m starting to feel silly that we are continuing in this weird fashion of talking at all social gatherings. It’s loud, we keep getting interrupted, and for heaven sakes we’re adults, we should be able to go out and talk alone. The thought did cross my mind that maybe he didn’t want to spend alone time with me…but then why is he always seeking me out?

Example: as I was sneaking out of the party early, he caught me and told me I just had to stay till the end.

Friday night: Party number two. This party was a dance party at a mutual friend’s house. Bingley doesn’t like to dance at all, and yet he stayed and we talked. It was really fun and we spent a little more time together at this party. Plus standing in the dark with him while we teased each other became a high-light of the week for me. When the party started feeling a little long, my roommates and I left to have a game night with a couple of friends at my place. One of my roommates invited Bingley over, and he came, and we had a great time.

Saturday night: Party number three. This was a waffle party at my house. Bingley came and yet again we were with each other playing games and having fun. Towards the end of it, Bingley wanted to go to the dollar theatre with his friends to catch a flick. He insisted that I come with my friends. And so I did.

That was my weekend. Are you confused?

Here’s the strangest part, I keep feeling like I should be reacting different to all of this. Let me explain. Before when I liked a guy I couldn’t sleep because I would lie in bed thinking about him, I wouldn’t eat because the butterflies in my stomach would choke out my hunger, and I wouldn’t cease in my efforts to accidentally bump into him. But now I’m sleeping, eating, and if I see him I see him.

I’m freakishly calm about all of this and it’s unnerving. I just feel like if it happens it happens, but if not, I need to make the best of it….or it means I don’t like him all that much. Oh heavens, I just don’t know.

Do I need to be an anorexic insomniac in order to like someone?

-The Blue Stocking

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Oh, to win a date contest.

2/24/2012 The Anti-Austen 5 Comments

The following tidbits are from Colonel Paisley and his lady of choice.

When I first applied to "Win a Date with Colonel Paisley" I was filled with the anticipation that only comes when you do something crazy. I mean I was pretty sure Colonel wasn't a rapist.... but only pretty sure. I had gotten a sense for his personality and thought that we were compatible so I hoped that he would see that in my answers to the questionnaire and pick me. Even so, when I won I jumped up and down like a crazy lady- I'm pretty sure I terrified my roommate.

He picked me up at the predetermined time of 5:23 and was extremely punctual. We went to dinner, which was very nice, and had a great conversation. We found that we had some friends in common and that our interests coincided very well. After our very nice dinner, we went to the show "The Merchant of Venice." Oh. My. Gosh. I'm a little bit of a theater nerd to begin with and this was just so much fun. Excellent choice, Jude. We got to sit on the floor which was basically the best thing ever. After the show he took me home. He was the perfect gentleman. He opened my doors, pulled my chair out for me, and best of all didn't turn it into a marathon date.

He asked me out again for the next weekend and we went to the planetarium. I'd never been to a planetarium before and I was pumped. We had a lot of fun playing with all the science stuff at the beginning and doing all of the kid stuff throughout. He discovered how creeped out I am by creepy crawlie creatures (really! Don't they give you the heebee-jeebees?) and tried to make me touch them. Afterwards we got a cupcake and he took me home. We ended up talking in my apartment until 1:30 (It was Friday. No Honor-Code-Breakage here!) . Yes, this was kind of a marathon date but that was okay because the conversation was flowing.

All in all, Colonel Paisley is every bit the gentleman that his posts make him out to be. He gets very (jokingly) offended if you don't let him open your door, and is always respectful. I am really grateful that I was able to meet him through this contest and all y'all should be jealous. And he's definitely NOT a rapist.


STATUS REPORT

__________________
NAME: JUDE PAISLEY
RANK: COLONEL

DATE OF BIRTH: 6/31/1988

CURRENT ADDRESS: Scruff McGruff, Chicago IL, 60652

It was discovered that on January 26, 2012 Colonel Jude Paisley had a secret rendezvous with the First Lady. President Harrison Ford instructed us to tail them at a discreet distance. They had delicious Thai food and then enjoyed a showing of The Merchant of Venice. They sat on the floor of the theatre but did not participate in the performance. No harm came to the First Lady. No marathon date was reported.

On February 3, 2012, Colonel Paisley took the First Lady to the planetarium in Salt Lake City. Bill Nye offered the statement, “Science rules.” The variety of activities was very enjoyable, and the First Lady appeared to be enjoying the colonel’s company. Upon returning to Provo, they ate at one of the colonel’s favorite restaurants, δρ ζπεεςϑςτξακς [encoded in Greek so as to protect his identity]. Date was borderline marathonical, but still acceptable.

President Harrison Ford determined that such rendezvous are unbefitting the First Lady, and Colonel Paisley was temporarily detained in military prison until such justification was provided.

CONCLUSIONS:

The First Lady is a charming and captivating woman.

Colonel Paisley and the First Lady are friends who enjoy spending time together.

The First Lady is in fact not married to President Harrison Ford, and thus she can do whatever she likes with whomever she chooses.

All charges of infidelity were dropped.

Colonel Paisley was released from military prison.


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Anonymous

2/23/2012 The Lady 15 Comments

Dear Friends and Readers,

I've been working for an hour attempting to create an appropriate enough introduction to this, but I cannot. I don't have the words. What is written below is from an anonymous male reader, and I think it's beautiful. I hope you do too.


Con Amor,

The Lady



Dear Wife-to-be,


I'm trying.


I'm trying to find you. I realize this is exactly what I should be doing, and I will admit it's taken me longer to get started than it should have, so I don't tell you this in some paltry attempt to impress - I just want you to know that I'm trying. Please don't give up on me - it sure would be disappointing if I found you right as you found someone else.


I don't know you yet, but I know this - you're out of my league. You are out of my league and I thank you for it. I wake up every morning with the intent of becoming a little bit better, doing a little bit more, so that, day by day, I can get closer to where you already are. Of course, your rate of improvement is greater than mine, so I'll never actually catch up, but that's okay - just know I'm trying.


Now let me just tell you - I'm crazy about you! You make me want to sing out loud and dance the night away, and those are two things I don't often have the desire to do. It's your hair, your eyes, and your smile..and it's much more than that - it's you.


There are so many things I want to tell you, so much I'd like to share, but it will just have to wait - I've got to find you first. There are a lot of things I don't know, but this one thing I have come to know all too well - I will never truly be home, until I find you.


And I want to go home.


I'm trying. Remember that, will you?

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I Opened the Flood Gates

2/22/2012 The Closer 1 Comments

Is it just me or is there no way to think about dating "a little bit"? I have had several periods of time in recent years where I make a conscious decision that I am not going to think about dating, and I'm able to sort of shut off that sector of my brain. Sensible decision making and peace of mind usually follow closely afterwards. Inevitably, I shortly decide that it is important for me to do my part in making dating happen, so I crack open the door to that section of my brain. Turns out, this is not a door that can merely be "cracked" open. There can only be two statuses of the door to the dating sector of my mind: sealed shut or flood gates open.

I am currently in the latter status. Just yesterday I got called boy crazy by a married coworker. I wanted to refute his claim, but upon reviewing the status of my brain, I had to concede that he was indeed correct.

I have slowly been creeping back up to that breaking point where I decide that I just can't take it anymore and need to shut that sector down. I am trying reallllly hard not to do that. Thinking about all of that caused me to come to a realization. Ready for this? It's pretty deep.

Single people love to talk about dating, and married people love to talk to single people about dating, in fact, I think just about everyone I talk to wants to talk about dating. And you know, that's fine, I won't complain about it. I'm practically an expert at talking about dating now, I think I have my 10,000 hours in. Where the problem arises is when I need to have conversation with a guy I like, and all of my best conversational material is about dating, and that's about the one situation that it is not acceptable in. Uh oh.

That being said, I have resolved to work on filling up my head with all kinds of other interesting and insightful and intelligent things to talk about. Can you say two birds with one stone? If I am successful, there is just no way that there will be room in my head for floods of thoughts about boys.

All this talk about not thinking about boys has me thinking about boys. So while we're on the subject... Mr. Perfect came up to me at institute, I didn't even have time to decide whether or not to talk to him first (win!). Happy McSmiles and I finally got to work together again and it was a lovely good time, followed by a Facebook friend request and all kinds of minimally exciting things like that. And lastly, turns out Captain Incredible is perfect for my roommate. Yeah, roommate, there was canoodling involved, and I am 98.4% okay with it, so that's big. Woo!

I may need to join The Lady soon with my own frenzy of five. That is, if my flooded little brain can take it!

Yours Truly,

The Closer

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Pop Rocks, Kidnapping, and a Bit of Frank Sinatra

2/21/2012 The Charmer 5 Comments

Dang, the Monday schedule completely threw me off! I totally forgot that it was Tuesday and that I was supposed to be blogging today! I actually didn't even think about it until Mr. Director mentioned it (he was a bit disappointed). And then the LimeGreen Goddess asked about it. And then Colonel Paisley asked about it. Apparently everyone else in the world except me remembered that it was Tuesday, my posting day.

Whoops.

So because I love you, I am staying up past my 10:30/11:00 bedtime to tell you all about my Valentine's Day!

Well, if you didn't figure it out from that first paragraph, Mr. Director and I are on talking terms again. In fact, we're on MORE than talking terms. We're on kissing terms!

Hee.

Well, turns out the "Come Back Song" was a good omen after all. And I ended up having what was probably the BEST Valentine's Day of my life thus far!

I guess I'll just give you the quick version.

After a fabulous dinner at the Cannon with my brother, my roommate and I were busy decorating cupcakes for our visiting teachees and some boys in the ward. I noticed my roommate seemed oddly rushed, so I thought something might be up. Turns out I was RIGHT! After delivering the cupcakes, I was reading in my room when she yells out, "Charmer! You have GOT to see this!"

I shuffled into the living room to find her standing with a blanket in her hands. Before I could ask her what was up, she threw the blanket over my head and shoved me out the door...
...and right into Mr. Director's waiting arms.

He kidnapped me. And oh, I loved it. (Obviously.)

He didn't take the blanket off, so even though I was in his arms as he carried me out to his car I still couldn't see him. It was an odd but lovely experience. I also realized I'd forgotten what his voice sounded like, because he said things to me and I had a fleeting moment when I thought it might not be him. Now THAT would have been awkward.

Anyways, he took me back to his house where he'd decorated the study with strings of lights, had music playing, and had Martinelli's waiting.

You guys, let me just take the moment to point out how much I love all things cheesy romantic. And Mr. Director is totally NOT cheesy romantic. And so the fact that he was being cheesy romantic for me made my heart melt.

The rest of the evening was really nice, despite the fact that the initial moments were a little awkward. We chatted, we drank Martinelli's, we danced to wonderful old 1940s love songs (This was to make up for the fact that he did not take me to Big Band Night, since we'd been planning on going together), we started the second season of our favorite show, we kissed while eating Pop Rocks (they were part of a little valentine present I'd had delivered to him in his 8:00 class), and we probably did a lot of staring into each other's eyes. You know, gross stuff like that.

And after calling him up today and leaving a message on his phone in which I said, "So...are we dating or WHAT?! Because Jeff who lives next door to you just asked me on a date and it was awkward because I had to say, 'Well, Mr. Dir and I are sort of dating...'", we decided we'd be "official" again pretty soon.

So maybe I should have given Mr. Dir a little more credit for his break idea. I guess it ended up working after all! Apparently he only needed two weeks, but honestly, I can already see a difference. A good difference.

Well, that's my happy little story. Hopefully I restored your faith in love and men.

Dang. I like this kid.

Toodles,
The Charmer

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"A Lady’s imagination is very rapid: it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment"

2/19/2012 The Blue Stocking 2 Comments

Mr. BINGLEY ASKED ME OUT!

Can you believe it? Ok I have to say it again…

MR. BINGLEY ASKED ME OUT!

Is it weird that a part of me loves this fact so much because it proves I was right? That I knew he like me – even just a little bit—and I wasn’t just being a silly obsessed girl. I was right! HA {yes, that is a HA directed at the universe}

Okay now for the less prideful and more informative side to the story.

So I told you last week that we would be spending Valentine’s Day together, well here’s what happened. We had a party at our apartment and he was invited. I, being the prideful person who believes in testing how much guys like her, decided to sit and wait to see if he came to me. When he got to the party he was immediately swamped by girls, while I sat on the opposite side of the room looking nonchalant and whatnot. Then our eyes met, I smiled, and he came over and sat by me. Success! {never underestimate the importance of eye contact}

We talked for a while and then he was gone and the night was over.

On Wednesday I got a nasty cold and he offered to bring me over medicine; ya, he’s a nice guy. On Thursday, he checked up on me to see if I was feeling better. When I told him that I had almost reached full recovery, he asked me out.

Dinner and dessert: simple and perfect.

Dinner went splendidly. We talked and laughed and even discussed literature, in a non-nerdy way of course. And unlike my last date I wasn’t nervous at all. There were no jittery hands or an even jittery feeling; instead, it was a delightful calm and confident time. Then I came home and I did something completely out of character... I sent him an after the date text. You guys have no idea how opposed I am to this and one day I will post a crazy rant that I’ve spent years developing as to why I dislike it so much.

Anyways, the point is I texted him and we had a cute little chat.

Now I’m waiting to see what happens. Since he went home for the weekend, I haven’t seen him since the date and that means we still haven’t had the we-went-on-a-date-and-now-we-don’t-know-how-the-other-one-feels-about-me chat. So that should be interesting to say the least.

Thought I should warn you, this is the part where I screw things up. I tend to ignore, walk away, or behave in a manner that shakes every guy’s confidence in my feelings. Wish me luck.

Now it’s time for me to rationalize. A part of me is ok if we don’t go out again. After all, I can chalk this up to a wonderful date and we can go on being great friends. The irrational side of me is dying to go online and merge our faces to see how our future children will look…kidding, well kind of.

In the end, no matter what happens, a very interesting week lays ahead of me. I can’t wait to update you all on it.

Toujours

-The Blue Stocking

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The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love.

2/16/2012 The Lady 4 Comments

Since the deposition of Mr. Cowboy and Mr. Rival from The Frenzy of Five, two were quick to take their vacant places.

Now, my fine frenzy consists of:

1. The Doctor [Oh, how I loathe my love for him].
2. Perry Mason [A work in progress...still].
3. The Drive-By-Hugger [Eskimo kisses and all].
4. Clive [Great penmanship].
5. The Beanstalk [Not my usual, but nice].

Each and everyone of them is indeed a fine specimen. I enjoy their company, and they seem to enjoy mine (unless they are superb actors). However, the problem seems to be that I am the sort of girl that men like to flirt with, but whom no one really wants to ask out/date/marry. But perhaps that isn't even the case. None of these boys ask anyone out (with the exception of Perry Mason who is still frequently asking out his girlfriend....Ahem). On any given Friday night, The Drive-By-Hugger can be found watching Better Off Dead (or any such movie), his only companions a lonesome roommate and a fresh liter of Dr. Pepper. Clive can be found scribbling away in a journal, wishing he was back in Kensington Park. And The Beanstalk...the truth is I don't even know...Wow...In all my years, I have never had such a complacent frenzy...It's a good thing I have my weekly scheduled flirt session with Mr. Military to keep me busy.

Dear Husband-to-Be,
I don't know who you are, nor where you are, but sometimes I wish I did. Are you one of these schmoes who aren't asking me out, but who are ceaselessly flirting with me? If you are, I'm not sure I can fall in love with you right now. All I feel at the moment is complete and utter boredom.

"I have a girlfriend who recently came out of a relationship and decided to take a weekend trip to meet up with a guy. She was in need of a sorbet, she said. Something to cleanse the pallet. I said, if you're in need of a sorbet, I'm in need of some smelling salts. Something to bring me back to life.

So I've decided to go in search of them. Smelling salts, that is. Lots of them. In all different flavors. So that I'll be wide awake. All refreshed and lived in and back-to-life when I meet you.

Because I can't wait to meet you" (The Wild and Wily Ways of a Brunette Bombshell).

Con Amor,
Your Lady

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Finding Success by Changing Your Definition

2/15/2012 The Closer 6 Comments

The last time I posted I felt defeated and frustrated...

Well- can't hold me down! I have spent this week feeling totally empowered and self assured. Running into Mr. Perfect made me realize that if I am ever going to run into him again, I need to learn how to function like a normal person around him. It also made me realize that as much as I maybe wish there weren't, there are still some definite feelings of interest there, and I would be willing to keep that door open.

Those two realizations made me decide that I am going to be brave, but careful not to be hopeful about the wrong things. All of my most painful experiences with guys have seemed to come from my own self imposed expectations that didn't get fulfilled. That being said, I'm setting my expectations low, because success is motivating for me. Now enter my plan of action:

Step 1: Invite him to something as a friend. I invited Mr. Perfect over for a dessert night. I had never done that before, but figured it wouldn't be too odd because I had just run into him. I also invited about every person in my contact list so that he wouldn't think I did it just for him. And guess what? He came! We chatted for a few minutes, I made a point to look glad and excited that he'd come, but excused myself from the conversation soon enough to (hopefully) leave him wanting more and not seem clingy. He knew some of my friends and mingled with them while I greeted other guests that came, all the while looking social and cool and friendly. Success!

Step 2: Be brave at institute. He's in my stake now! I knew I would see him at institute and wanted to continue to be confident and smooth and friendly around him. I saw him after class and went up to say hello (I interrupted him talking to another girl, but hey, who wouldn't be stoked that I was cutting in? ha-ha). He gave me a hug and we chatted and bantered a bit, and he told me that he reads my blog (my non-anonymous one) so that was cool. Then I again excused myself after a few minutes and as I was leaving he told me to invite him the next time I have a get together. Success!

Step 3: This has yet to be determined. I'll be seeing him at institute again shortly, do I go up and say hi again? Let him come to me? Only say hi if I bump into him?

The mind of a woman is exhausting sometimes, isn't it?

There have also been some other fun and exciting things unfolding with Happy McSmiles and Captain Incredible. Who's Captain Incredible you ask? Only a man who could run up a mountain with me on his shoulders and maybe not even break a sweat. Oh, and a super good person, and he took me on a date last week, and this weekend I'm going on a trip he's organizing with a big group to go hiking and camping. No big deal.

I hope you don't die of anticipation in the meantime!

Yours Truly,

The Closer

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A Charming Holiday

2/14/2012 The Charmer 7 Comments

I am just overflowing with excitement because today is one of my favorite holidays…

…IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY!

And I don’t care if it’s really just a Christianized Pagan fertility festival. I LOVE it! I, like the Blue Stocking, agree that the feeling of love in the air is infectious. I’ve always been a fan of Valentine’s Day. When I was younger, I loved getting to pick out the perfect card for each one of my classmates (usually from the boxes of valentines my mom had purchased at half-price the previous February 15th). I loved having class parties. I loved trying to “read between the lines” to figure out if the cards that were sent to me by the boys in my class had any hidden connotations. I always just get so excited about this holiday! We actually have a picture of me from the 4th grade opening my valentine cards with gloves on. The gloves were necessary in case I got any from secret admirers—I wouldn’t want my fingerprints smudging up their fingerprints, making it impossible to detect who they might be from. (One of my career ambitions as a 4th grader was to be a spy, so I of course had a spy/detective kit that came with fingerprint powder.) I can still remember the first time I really got dressed up for Valentine’s Day—it was in the 5th grade, and a boy named Elliott told me I looked nice. I think it was the first time a boy had ever said something like that to me, and I loved it (especially since I had a huge crush on him).

The past two years I actually spent Valentine’s Day with The Ex. Ironically enough, our anniversary (x2) was February 13th. The first time we started dating, it was on February 13th. Sevenish months later we broke up, but then started dating again on February 13th. This year I’m single on Valentine’s Day, but I still love the holiday just as much. I still got all dressed up. I’m still eating boatloads of candy. I’m going to the Cannon Center later tonight with my brother. It’s a FABULOUS day!

Actually, I’ve been feeling fabulous for a while now! Despite the fact that I am disgustingly sick, I’ve been in such an elevated mood. The arc of my mood and my thought process in regards to Mr. Director during the first week looked like this:

Wednesday, Feb 1st (the breakup day): A bit sad, but doing okay because I am feeling very much in love and confident that we will get back together!
Thursday, Feb 2nd: Feeling great! I am madly in love and I KNOW that we will be getting back together!
Friday, Feb 3rd: Starting to feel lonely and definitely missing him as I realize I don’t get to talk to him anymore.
Saturday, Feb 4th: Starting to really miss him. By the end of the day, I start feeling irritated about the break.
Sunday, Feb 5th: Irritation bordering on anger. I’m MAD about this break and what he’s putting me through. Feelings of bitterness manifest themselves.
Monday, Feb 6th: Still feeling bitter and angry, mainly because I’m worried the break could turn permanent.
Tuesday, Feb 7th: Starting off the day with a tad of irritation that calms down and smooths out over the course of the day. Blogging about it helped me to calm down a little bit. I start actually considering what he might be going through, especially after a well-placed comment on the blog makes me realize that maybe he’s not just living it up and enjoying the single life.

And that was only the first week! Gah! What a girl I am!
Anyways, that’s where you last found me. By Wednesday, I was feeling okay about things, but it was mainly due to a feeling of resignation. However, a week later, I’m doing great! Sure, it might have been because this grand holiday was approaching. But I also decided that I really just needed to trust Mr. Dir and stop worrying so much. If he thinks the break will help him, then I should just let him do his thing. His sister, The LimeGreen Goddess, suggested that I make a paper chain and add a chain every day with a reason why I love Mr. Dir just to get me thinking positively about all this. I of course took her suggestion, and I think it has been good for me.

My elevated mood is also probably due to the fact that I finally closed the door with The Ex—for real this time. He has played a key role in my moods and my actions for 2 years now, and I didn’t realize just how much I was still holding onto him. But on Friday night, I finally let him go. It was surprisingly hard. Afterwards, I went home and cried with my roommate. I really loved him, and I think that we both still had a piece of us that thought We might work out! Since Friday, though, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I really just feel free. I didn’t realize how much my relationship with him was holding me back. I feel very much at peace with my decision and I know it was the right thing to do. So ever since Friday night, despite the fact that I am coughing up a lung every 5 seconds, I have been in SUCH a giddy mood!

Well, I just want to wish all of you the happiest Valentine’s Day! If you don’t have plans, make some! Find something fun to do with your friends. Make a card for an unsuspecting neighbor. Take a break from writing that paper and make yourself some hot cocoa.

I love you all!! Thanks for your uplifting comments and your prayers.

Oh, and if your boy got you roses, don’t get mad at him for being “cliché.” Roses are actually one of my favorite flowers. (Although I do prefer pink or orange roses to red ones.)

Kisses,
The Charmer

PS- Today when I came in to work I had Valentine’s presents from TWO boys waiting for me! And one of them was from Mr. Dir! And in the included note, he told me to look up this song…
Could be a good sign, yes?

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