Blue's Fall Adventures: October
In October, Grant and I entered month three
of hanging out and I was getting antsy. I craved something solid. Something more than just last minute hangouts. The first
week of the month we spent every night together, but that weekend was marked by
silence. It was torturous. I broke down on Monday night and texted him, starting a
conversation that lead into the AM, but no invite to come over.
This infamous weekend was the end of our personal hangouts, but sadly not the end of our "friendship" as we continued to spend time hanging out with our friends. Sure we still
messaged and sent funny snapchats to each other, but there was a definite shift dividing
an ‘us’ into a ‘him’ and a ‘me’. This together yet apart situation caused me to
go through a myriad of stages each lasting a couple days.
- The “sad” stage: Where I gained an Oreo belly of sorrow and stalked his social media pages.
- The “forget him” stage: Where I raged out and avoided him.
- The “I’ll make him like me!” stage: Self-explanatory and rather pathetic.
- The “Acceptance” stage: Where I realized I couldn’t force someone to be with me and I resolved to listen to “Nicest Thing” by Kate Nash on repeat.
I just wish I knew what happened. And every group hang out
just makes everything more complicated. Especially when our friends decide to talk about
dating and he’ll admit to asking girls out, liking them, and then avoiding
them.
Why? Why on earth would you do that? Maybe he’s in an
infamous “weird place” along with The Lady’s fellows. I just keep replaying our last
week “together” in my head and our little break simply doesn't make sense.
It’s been over a month since our falling out, and while I
feel like I’m getting over it, there’s a piece of me that can’t let go. And in the midst of all of this I’ve been seeing someone else and instead of alleviating the pain it seems to have made me feel worse.
I really need for it to be Christmas already.
-The Bluestocking
5 comments:
Ugh why? It must be an epidemic. Last year I had a guy text me daily for two weeks straight and we hung out a bunch and then he went radio silent. Then i had a guy last winter who held my hand the day after we met and then ignored me the next day. I felt like I had a breakup without actually dating the guy!
I will forever wonder what happened with these guys. At least until I find someone to make me forget. Until then....I hope I get into grad school and possibly escape Provo.
Have you considered approaching him, outright expressing interest in pursuing the relationship/knowing how he saw the relationship? Why not just ask him if this was only ever a friend thing for him. It's funny how in Provo we develop these male/female relationships, never verbally express interest and both are so afraid to say anything that things just sort of fade...but if we're such good friends, why aren't we just open about stuff like that.? it just seems to happen a lot.
AMEN to Anonymous #1!!!! ^
What if we all just got over the constant "I'm going to try to be in a relationship without putting myself out there or risking anything" thought process and actually WENT for it!?? I mean, what's the worst? You get rejected?! SO WHAT someone else will come along! What's the best that could happen? You have a great relationship that you learn and grow from and possibly grows into a stronger relationship!?! YES. That's totally worth it!! C'mon people!! Join with me!!! YAAASSS!!
Okay, I'll get down now.
A2,
I have thought about approaching him, but I've resisted for several reasons.
1. I believe his ex may have popped back into his life.
2. If he wanted this to happen he would make it happen.
3. If I had to stand there and watch him tell me he didn't like me I would actually die. I would just lie on the floor and will myself out of existence.
4. I've already had to call guys out on their shenanigans and I'm tired of having to be that girl.
5. I'm afraid of ruining something that might be might be more than something one day. And I know that by not saying anything I might also ruin it. I know that.
Those are my lame excuses. I wish I was naturally bold. Instead boldness strikes only once or twice a year. Perhaps it will hit me at the right moment and I will ask for an explanation, but for now I sit and stew.
-Blue
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