“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”

8/25/2013 The Blue Stocking 3 Comments

For the past three years I have an ongoing tradition where I spend a portion of my Saturdays wandering through old bookstores in pursuit of my next great find.

This Saturday, like so many before it, found me entering yet another musty bookstore.
In this particular bookstore I have a strict regimen for finding books. First comes the collectibles then I make my way through young adult to adult and I end the day by thoroughly searching the poetry/Shakespeare section.

While perusing the collectibles I sensed a male standing nearby. He said nothing so naturally I ignored his presence. I went on through the different sections until I had a stack of gems ready to come home with me. I made my way to the register and played with the counter-top doodads barely acknowledging my cashier beyond the obligatory hello.  

“Did you find any old books.” I looked up. It took me a moment to register the question and realize this must have been the guy standing next to me when I first came in.

“No, not today.”

“Do you like Harry Potter?”

“Of course I do.”

“Oh thank goodness I don’t get how people don’t love it.”

"Me either! I’ve met so many guys who won’t even read it."

He laughed, "doesn’t it make you want to just stop talking to them?"

"Yes! Yes it does.” Now he had my full attention and I really looked at him. How in the world his attractiveness didn’t ding on my handsometer floors me, but I was finally paying attention.

He went on to talk about how he gets first claim on the books coming in and he recently found and bought a first edition of the British version of Harry Potter and he was tempted to get a $400 version of Huckleberry Finn.  

At this point I must have been either mesmerized or stupid, but I said “oh, that’s awesome” and I walked away.

What?

By the time I made it to my car I realized what a fool I was. Why didn’t I say more?! He was clearly being friendly. I could have been bold and slipped him my number, or said something clever, or said anything at all!

The moment has most likely passed, but you can bet I’m going to do everything I can to create another one. I guess I know where I’ll be next Saturday.


-The Bluestocking

3 comments:

"...a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife"

8/19/2013 The Blue Stocking 2 Comments

My plan to woo The Polynesian has worked better than, well, any wooing plan I’ve had in the past year. 

Two weeks ago: 

My friend and I were chattered away waiting for church to commence when he came in from the right bringing with him a strong scent of coconut and pineapple (only joking, but can you even imagine how magical that would be?). It took us about 10 seconds to realize gawking was most unbecoming. And we quietly settled back into our seats and gave each other the look women have been sharing for centuries.  



Luck have it, we stumbled into him on our way to Sunday School and it just so happened he needed directions to our class. We did our wardly duty and gave him a tour. I know I know, we’re very generous people.

Last week: 

I was running late to church which meant I had to slowly creak open the chapel door and dart to the nearest seat. Without trying I was one chair away from destiny/The Polynesian/my-future-husband…too far?

As I readjusted my skirt his eye caught mine as he glanced up from his hymn book. He smiled, scooted closer, and held the book out for both of us. He kept teasing me for not singing louder which only made me want to cease singing altogether (My voice is decent on a good day, but terrible on a flirty day). During the announcements we had a whole 6 minutes to sum up and spill out our life stories. Into minute two I realized he was far cooler than little ol me (which isn’t necessarily a difficult feat). After Sacrament we collected a few more get to know you minutes before we were engulfed by a swarm of girls. 

This week I realized how out of my league I was:

After sacrament I made my way to the ladies room to assess the frizz to hair ratio when I ran into him. He suggested we walk around a bit and catch up and I was in no position to turn down such an offer. We circled the classrooms and wardies for 30 minutes talking about our lives and goals. I conveniently left out my desire to have caramel colored children…

When I mentioned my job he jokingly mentioned he was in the market for a sugar mama, to which I responded that would just not do since I was strictly a sugar daddy kind of lady. Good thing he’s in med school. 

We finally made our way to Sunday School where he leaned over and asked if I had facebook. Of course. He fiddled with his phone and 5 seconds later my phone lit up with a fbook friendship request from him. Huzzah! No facebook stalking he said slyly. I figured that comment bought me at least an hour to log on and delete the pictures of me dressed up as Hermione at not one but two Harry Potter movie premiers. 

I swear I’m normal.

Kidding, normal is overrated and I make a very convincing Hermione. It would be cruel to deny the world of my imitation, and by world I mean everyone who isn’t the very attractive poly in my ward.

I can’t express enough how important it is to slowly emerge your crushes into your crazy. 

-The Bluestocking

2 comments:

This could take a while.

8/17/2013 The Lady 1 Comments

I awaited Sunday eagerly, as I have awaited no other Sunday in my life. I was to leave behind my good-looking but honor-code-ignorant grad school cohorts to be thrust into the midst of eligible returned missionaries. Oh, the possibilities! I somehow fancied that I would have one of those revelatory experiences, wherein I would spot a man from across the chapel and I would somehow know that he was the man I was going to marry; the bishop would introduce us, and we'd be happily married by spring. Regrettably, such a thing did not happen. Much to my chagrin.

Though I did spot a few skinny-tie-sporting possibilities, I am not the sort of girl able to strike up conversations with men without being properly introduced. To talk to a man without even the excuse of a dropped handkerchief is completely out of the question!

In the meantime, I am hard at work...reading novels and trying not to be suffocated by the excessive hair and terrible stench of my roommate's cats. Patience my dear readers, I will produce some awkward fodder for you soon enough!

Con amor,
The Lady

1 comments:

This ain't no Provo town.

8/09/2013 The Lady 2 Comments

“If adventures will not befall a young lady in her own village, she must seek them abroad.” -Northanger Abbey

I had nearly forgotten what life was like away from the BYU bubble of conservatism. I find that I often have to remind myself that not every man I see is eligible. In fact, I have yet to meet a single Latter-Day Saint male during my week here and am the only member among my cohort of graduate students. I could not be in a more opposite position than I was at dear old Brigham Young. 

I am among a close-knit group of English graduate students here, and among them is The Hipster. He is precisely as he seems. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be a secret member of Mumford & Sons or the like. He has the dark hair cut to be full on top, thick-rimmed glasses, plaid button-downs,tattoos on his forearms, and a simply scrumptious scruffy beard (a beard!). He has sat next to me quite often, and we have a wonderful time of it discussing our assignments and poking fun at others (a favorite pastime of mine I'm afraid). It's maddening how attractive he is, and yet I know that even if he found me equally attractive nothing should be done about it. Blast it all. Is the "flirt to convert" approach too shallow?

In another vein entirely, I'm afraid I may be rooming with two versions of Mary Bennet. They're both such sweet girls, but both roughly ten years older than myself. One of them hardly speaks above a whisper, and the other is quite attached to her cats. Though I barely know either of them, I feel a certain responsibility to them. The question is, how much of a responsibility do I have? 

I certainly hope my first Sunday in my new ward proves to be more fruitful. 

Con Amor,
The Lady

2 comments:

"None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives"

8/05/2013 The Blue Stocking 2 Comments

Last Saturday, our stake had a pool party so I donned my chevron swim suit and melted into the crowd of nylon, spandex, and skin. Fortunately for me, moving to a new town hasn’t proven to be the loneliest choice and I’ve been able to re-connect with old friends. I found said friends on the outskirts fully dressed watching the diving contest which can only be described as a game for fools. Belly flops and over-rotated flips were the main event.

In our angsty anti-social state, a guy from my ward begged us to join in on beach volleyball. I soon found myself the only girl on either side of this not-so-heated game. I was pleased. This never happens. How oft have we seen the one attractive male being badgered by 11 girls begging him to volley with them. 

Heaven help me if I have to participate in such shenanigans again for I have quickly grown used to being the center of attention  

Whilst volleying, a teammate of mine asked what ward I was in and when I mentioned my little ward, he made the connection that I must know The Insulter. Oh boy did I. My teammate went on to mention the Insulter’s girlfriend and how they will probably be wed soon.

What?

If the facts check out, that begs the question as to why a pre-engaged guy was following me around a party to later trap me in a flirty attack. Men will never cease to confuse me.

After a few rounds of volleyball, my group left to watch my cousin in a relay race. I have yet to mention my cousin, so here it goes. He is very attractive and very much in med school and when you add the fact he’s fluent in Italian you get why I’m quickly becoming vastly popular with the female population in the ward.

Here’s what I’ve learned in my slingshot to popularity: girls are shameless.

As soon as my cousin emerged from the water and came to sit near us, girls came a flockin. One girl in particular, came bounding towards us, “Blue,” she cried, “it’s so great to see you!” (I’ve maybe had one conversation with this girl before), “So, who’s your friend,” she said eyeing my half naked cousin.

Subtle

Once we got away from the hungry pack of she-wolves I was able to talk to a new member of our group. A member that just so happened to be male and tall. Enough said. Five minutes into the conversation I knew we would never be.  First, he hates my home town, which is basically like him slapping my sister in the face. Second, he openly admitted to not liking the Harry Potter series AKA my childhood

oh nein you didn't photo: Oh nein you didn't tumblr_mlmk2xUGBb1s3qq9bo1_250_zps4b16b71f.gif

That’s like slapping me in the face.

Enough with the slapping. There’s an attractive Polynesian in my ward and I am determined to get to know him better. Wish me luck!

-The Bluestocking 

2 comments:

The follies and benefits of a country residence.

8/02/2013 The Lady 1 Comments

Forgive my brief absence. I have been preparing for my next change of scenery. Next week I will take up residence in an entirely new place, where I know nary a soul and where the common beliefs and practices are not exactly in keeping with the BYU Honor Code. Also the eligible male population will be considerably less varied than at BYU: two singles wards with four women to every man. Who knows what will become of me in such a place? It is possible I could thrive and find precisely what I am looking for {or who rather}, or I may use my busy-graduate-student status as an excuse and become quite the recluse. Time will only tell. Though I remain in the western states, I have decided to not divulge the place of my new dwelling so as to protect myself from detection. Goodness only knows that one of our readers would have a brother or cousin nearby, whom would certainly become an object of either admiration or derision on the blog.

But as for now, my time at my country home with my parents has been only slightly more exciting than I last mentioned. Because I am from a small Mormon-settled town, the 24th of July celebration is the event of the season. It has always been my favorite time of the year, though this year I planned on it being much less exciting because of the non-surplus of single men.

Granted, my greatest worry was running into Mr. Cowboy who was sure to be there, as the 24th is just his sort of scene {rodeos, country dancing, and the like}. Before I had returned from England, Mr. Cowboy had written me on Facebook {I have long since "unfriended" him}, simply to congratulate me on my graduation from BYU. That bothered me. So much so that I did not reply. I could not even squeak out a simple "thank you". But such seemingly small interactions should not exist between us. When I returned from England to my parents' home, they informed me that Mr. Cowboy had been by several times to visit {once again without his dear, little wife}.

So as my parents and I drove to the first event of the 24th of July celebration, they asked me how I planned to escape Mr. Cowboy. I joked about wearing a disguise or sneaking about like a ninja-spy, though that may have been a viable option. But as I arrived on the scene, the throng of people arrested my wariness and I became only too thrilled to seek out my old high school friends. In an unsuspecting moment as I searched through the crowd for familiar faces, I bumped right into Mr. Cowboy and his wife.

This was the first time I had seen him since he left on his mission. The last time I had seen him had been the night before he was set apart. We had said a tearful goodbye and he almost kissed me, despite his girlfriend {who is now his wife} being inside his house just yards away from where we stood. On seeing him again, my body went into flight mode and I never entirely looked at him. Much to my chagrin, I was forced {quite unwillingly} into a hug by him and by his dear, little wife who has always pretended to like me for Mr. Cowboy's sake. Then I simply left. My mother was polite enough to remain there to exchange pleasantries, but I turned my back and walked away all the while quite aware of his eyes following me until I was out of sight.

There were other moments during the weekend of celebrations where I was tortured by how purposefully we were ignoring each other. Both of us were only too aware of the physical location of the other. At one event we were three feet from each other, but stubbornly refused to look or speak. His shunning is due to hurt, mine due to unbending pride. When I think of it, I dislike myself for being so rude, so obviously disdainful. I want to talk to him, explain somehow. But then I remind myself that I was set free by his marriage, and in order to remain free from his influence, it must be so.


_____________________________

During this same weekend, I spent some time with an old friend who in high school was that guy friend that every girl needs. The Pal. Though I never considered it in high school, on recalling certain aspects of our friendship, I am almost certain of his at least having a crush on me in days long past. Perhaps my recollection is obscured slightly, but one never knows. 

We had a wonderful time becoming reacquainted {I was a terrible friend and did not write to him on his mission} and then he asked if I would like to go bunny-bashing with him and several other of the guys who had come home for the weekend. I was hesitant, but agreed as I ought to be adventurous and participate in activities I have never tried. To make a long story short, bunny-bashing was not something I enjoyed. In the slightest. Though I must say, The Pal was quite attentive and made sure that I was never on the point of fainting. I think because of my reactions, he bridled his desire to participate in the massacre and was the only one among the group who never made any attempt to kill one rabbit. Such gallantry! Although he probably regarded my reactions as a bit too Mrs. Bennet-esque. But he has promised to take me fishing sometime in the future, however, that may never happen because unbeknownst to me, I balk at the sight of blood. 

Con Amor, 
The Lady


1 comments:

Removing the Blindfold

8/01/2013 The Blue Stocking 4 Comments

I spent last week worrying about getting a silly call from a guy I didn't even know and in my desperate state my little brain’s irrational thoughts escalated to exclaiming things like, “why won’t my soul mate call me?!” 


I was in a dark and ridiculous place. The cause of my crazed thoughts can be explained in the following equation:

Leaving BYU + my convo with the insulter + my overall lack of male interaction 
= sad sad pathetic me.

To make things worse I kept getting texts from my "bestie" (she said with sarcasm) asking if I’d heard from him.  Finally, he called.

Now typical blind date calls last 27 seconds and consists of him saying “uh so ha ha, do you wanna go out Saturday” and you interject midway through the word Saturday with a nervy high-pitched “suuure,” to which you both laugh and say your goodbyes. 

Just thinking about it makes me want to die.

This conversation was nothing like that. He said my "bestie" told him he should take out her special friend. That’s me, I’m the special friend. How humiliating. How many times can I say this, I DON'T KNOW HER. From there we briefly laid out the facts and I was duly impressed. He loves literature people! I’m not someone who gets excited about dates (understatement), but this guy intrigued me.

Now on to the double date.

The date turned into a 5 hour bowling/froyo experience with a brief intermission set in the dollar aisle of Target. I know the phrase 5-hour-date sets off the same reaction the name Frau Blucher did in Young Frankenstein, but this was the exception.



We had a good time. I explained how I had barely met my proclaimed “special friend” just two weeks ago and we got a kick out of that. The other couple was hilarious. All in all he was a great guy.

So will we be going out again? No. Why? Because he’s a good 2-3 inches shorter to me. Disappointment doesn't begin to describe my feelings.

We’ve been down the dating-a-shorter-guy conversation and I for one will never bend. I’m 5’9’’ and I rock heels, so sue me.

On to other fun things: The bishop called me in and told me I needed to get five guys I’m interested in and go for it. If one ends up being a dud I simply rinse and repeat. Usually I scoff at such ideas, but he has a point. Why should I focus on just one guy who will end up leading to all sorts of disappointment? AND you just never know when polyandry is going to become socially acceptable so I might as well be ready. 

Amiright or amiright.



-The Bluestocking

4 comments: