Anxiety Attack

1/28/2011 The Romantic 1 Comments

I don't know what it is about single women at BYU that makes us react so irrationally to seemingly innocuous events.

I had to watch a movie last night up on campus for class. I had tried to arrange a group to go. But most of my friends had plans already. And I knew that when I tried to ask people to go. However, it didn't help the dark self-deprecating thoughts from sneaking into the corners of my mind.

And then as I walked up the hill to campus. Alone. Cold. And in the dark. The thoughts came to my mind and I said to myself, "Better get used to this, because going to the movies alone is how it's going to be for the rest of your life."

It was irrational. It is irrational. But I couldn't shake the nagging feelings of inadequacy. Men are literally running away from me, making me feel quite the social pariah. It's pathetic more than anything thing else. I'm happy, I really am. But I have two friends waiting for proposals, and I haven't feeling the tiniest inking for anybody in a really long time. Boys here and there have caught my fancy from time to time these last few months. But there's no deep connection. No spark.

As the deep wrenching hole in my chest grew bigger, I tried not to cry. The only thing more embarrassing than going to the movies alone would be to go alone and cry before the movie had even started. I felt akin to the man in Edvard Munch's famous painting.

Instead of weeping all night, I mustered the energy from somewhere deep within to call some friends to hang out after my movie had ended. And when I went over, I found that they were all having the same feelings of doubt. And that was a comfort. We can't all be crazy. We can all have the same crazy hormones though.

Frostys were purchased. Nails were painted. Long talks were mixed with the pungent smell of acetone. And a chick flick was put in to bring peace to our over worried minds.

A summation of the wisdom learned last night in one phrase, "Pie will love you, even when boys won't."

To all my dear sisters that toil through the struggle that we call dating in hopes of finding their own Mr. Darcy, don't fear. You are amazing. And we will find someone. Eventually. Until then, let us eat pie.

xoxo
-the Romantic

How Foolish of Me: In Which the Romantic Contracts Dating Leprosy

1/24/2011 The Romantic 0 Comments

Sometimes I do these absolutely ridiculous things. And I don't know why I do them, because I usually end up embarrassing myself . But nevertheless, here I am, rambling away about my latest male exploit.

So I have this dream to marry some sort of throw back German Romantic. I have no idea where this notion came from, it's just what I want. And if they actually speak German, that would be nice too. And now, lo and behold, I'm finally in a German class with RMs that speak German. Gasp! Perfect right? I figure this is my opportunity to meet a guy that speaks my language, literally and figuratively speaking.

But I am a buffoon/creeper.

Naturally, there's a boy, that I think is fairly attractive. We were put in the same research group, so I have his email and what not. Let's call him Friedrich, weil es ein starker Deutscher Namen ist. We chatted one day after class, and I knew that he was giving a presentation the next class period. So I developed this fool-proof(not really because I am foolish) plan to look really cute that day so I could tell him after class what an awesome job he did on his presentation.
The day dawned bright, and I did look really cute....

But I got to nervous and didn't talk to him. (insert forehead slap here) So on a random "Friday afternoon I've gone a little bit crazy because it's the weekend" whim, I decided to email him to tell him what a fantastic job he did on explaining Romanesque and Gothic architecture movements in the Holy Roman Empire during the middle ages (because that's such a turn on... no but really it is, I'm an Art History major, remember?). After I sent it, I freaked out and refused to look at my email for hours, which turned out not to matter because he didn't email me back until the next morning. And by then, I was feeling so ashamed at my creeper-ness that I refused to read what it actually said until that night.

In my raving wild lunatic mind, I thought it would say something like, "Stay away from me you creeper girl!"

Ok, so it didn't say that. All it said was thanks. Well, there was an exclamation point that went with it as well.

Later he emailed our group a question, I responded in kind. He said he'd see me on Monday.

Here comes the part where I feel like a social pariah. He came in right before class started. And I'm talking ON THE HOUR here folks. And then he left insanely fast. Not even a glance backwards at my desk which sits kitty corner from his.

This was probably the longest winded story you've ever read. And perhaps I'm reading too much into it, because I usually do in cases such as these. But I just needed to tell you dear reader, why I feel like a dating leper.

I am repelling men at this point. Quite literally, I am making them run the opposite direction from me. I made plans to be bold; plans that failed quite miserably.

I suppose that as my friends continue to pick out engagement rings and wedding colors, I'll be looking for this guy:
"Oh, hello dear sir! ... No I don't mind a bit that your nose is falling off, I find it quite appealing actually."

xoxo
-the Romantic

Reasons to Settle

1/19/2011 The Romantic 3 Comments

I'm finding settling in my marriage a more and more appealing idea lately.

For example, if I settle, I won't have to worry about pesky roomies sleeping at the oddest hours.

I won't have to fight to get into the shower in the morning.

I can make my hubby take out the trash, and I will do the dishes... It's the perfect agreement.

The pressure to look attractive everyday will be less.

So maybe he will be old. Maybe he will be a little homely...

But at this point, I really don't care anymore.

I'm on the search to find a man as desperate as I am...
I know you thought marriage to an older man would be a sacrifice dear Goya, but the above illustrated situation is looking quite appealing at this point of my college career.

xoxo
-the (today anyway) UnRomantic

A long time coming...

1/07/2011 The Romantic 0 Comments

Date.
Tomorrow night...

I really want to share more details.

But I'm deathly afraid of jinxing this, because I think it will be a good one.

But I will say that I'm really excited. It's technically a blind date. But I've seen loads of pictures (Christian Bale look a like? um, yes please)...He's my best friend's cousin. And when he called me, I really liked the sound of his voice.

And that's all that I will say about that...

xoxo
-the Romantic

New Year's Resolutions & Reflections

1/03/2011 The Romantic 0 Comments

With a new year approaching, I have decided to make a few dating resolutions

1) Do not bemoan the fact that Best Friend Guy is getting married.

2) Stop creeper lovin' on the EQP (it probably freaks him out).

3) Take dating less seriously, and school work more seriously.

4) Be more selective in my elbow touching.

5) Stop complaining about blind dates, because if nothing else, they make great blogging material.


So I've been on a few first dates this semester, but not any second dates. And I came to the conclusion that that is totally ok with me. Sweater Guy and I dated on and off for eight months. My heart needed time to heal. And that was my reply to any inquisitor over break.

I have startling news about Guitar Hero. I think I finally admitted to myself that I might sort of kind of have a thing for him. He does make me laugh harder than anyone I've ever met. And now that I'm finally interested in him, I don't think he's interested in me anymore. Boo.

Well, we shall see how this semester goes.

xoxo
-the Romantic