Apparently Pickup Lines are a Thing

8/29/2015 The Charmer 1 Comments

Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? Apologies for less-than-frequent updates, but all of the Austens have pretty busy lives these days. Surprisingly "real life" tends to be busier than college life. Who knew?! 

After a brief hiatus in America, I've returned to China for another semester of teaching. Although I was only home for two months, it was possibly the BEST summer I've ever had! (Granted, I say that every summer, but they really do keep getting better!) Since getting off the plane a few days ago it seems all I've been doing is sleeping. I'm not sure if it's jetlag or if my body is just trying to catch up from the severe lack of sleep it experienced this summer. Between visiting my mission, being maid of honor at my best friend's wedding, living at Lake Powell for a week and of course throwing in a few weeks of EFY, I didn't have much time for sleeping. Unfortunately for you readers, I also didn't have much time for any romances to blossom, either. I only went on one sort-of-possibly-a-date this summer, although true to Charmer-fashion I did have a handful of men hitting on me at any given moment (mostly EFY counselors).

Although none of these gallant men actually did anything that would lead to a real relationship, like asking me on a date, this summer was the first time I had pickup lines used on me for real.
[I think that EFY counselors are the only people on the planet who actually think that pickup lines are acceptable. I guess that's what happens when you hang our with 15-year-olds all summer and have to think up pickup lines in order to go to dinner.]

So, for your reading pleasure, here are some of the lines that were used on me this summer. [Yes, honestly. If you think YOU'RE surprised that these pickup lines actually happened, you should have seen MY face.]

1. If I had to compare you to a hymn, I would choose hymn #98 because I need thee every hour.
2. Hey, what's your last name? Hmm, that's alright I guess. Do you like it? Well...how would you like to change it to Smith? [Smith was HIS last name]
3. Hey, you should give me a call...because I'm a CATCH! (at this point, he tossed me a tennis ball with his phone number on it)
4. Hey....umm....you know, I had something I was about to say to you...but you're so beautiful you made me forget my pickup line.
5. When my girls and I were eating dinner one night, a counselor sidled up to our dinner table, threw his arm around me, and asked them, "Hey, do you think the two of us look good together?"
6. (same boy, same interrupted dinner) You know, when I'm not at EFY, I'm a fisherman. And this one time I caught a fish that was THIS BIG [cue him putting his arm around me] that I couldn't resist telling you about it.
7. (same dinner conversation) He said to me, "You know, I've been fasting today, but it looks like I can finally break my fast." I said something like, "Oh...that's nice." And he responded, "Don't you want to know why?" Without waiting for a response, he replied, "Because I saw you walk in and realized that I just saw the answer to my prayers."

Well, I'll be honest--none of these lines won me over. But for you courageous-types out there, give 'em a whirl and see if one of them can land you a date for next weekend. Or, on second thought, maybe just stick with the old-fashioned "Hey, you seem really cool and I'd love to take you on a date. Can I get your number?" I think it has a better success rate. ;)

加油,
the charmer