Built to end.
Sometimes it is okay to admit that not all things are meant to last forever. The Southern Gentleman and I knew that such was the case. An ending was inevitable. I do not do long distance. Alabama (the place The Southern Gentleman actually lives) is much too far away.
Following several weeks of dates (between EFY sessions), The Southern Gentleman and I planned a "goodbye date," which now that I think about it in retrospect is a terrible idea. But let's be honest, I have never won an award for my good decision-making skills. The Southern Gentleman knew that the goodbye date was a terrible idea, and thus failed to show up. That's right, I got stood up. It was the first time that ever happened to me, and I do not recommend it to anyone. It's not the best of times.
Awful scenarios of fiery car accidents and muggings and bombings and amnesia and general emergency room trips were all I could think of. A couple days later, The Southern Gentleman texted (yes, texted) his apology claiming that having to say goodbye would be too difficult. "That's fair," I thought, "but why wouldn't he just tell me that?" A question I posed to him, to which he replied, "I'm not very good at that sort of thing."
Who, pray tell, is good at that sort of thing? Does that mean that we should all avoid saying what needs to be said in order to circumvent discomfort? When did this sort of behavior become acceptable?
We parted as unlikely friends without ever actually saying goodbye.
The question now: Do I believe in closure? I think I have been chasing after closure for years, but perhaps I have been chasing after something that does not in fact exist. At least not in the way we think of it. We want closure in the way that we get the perfect words of consolation from another person. We want some explanation wrapped up prettily and handed to us with a winning smile. But even if we get that, it's not closure. Some doors are left slightly ajar. Some doors are slammed in our face. And we continually glance back at them always begging the question, "Why?"
A quote from one of my favorite novels:
“This word closure . . . it is a stupid word, ja? Bach did not believe in closure. Handel did not. Beethoven did not. Only Americans believe in closure because Americans are like little children--easily swindled.”
So maybe I don't believe in closure, because not all endings are closings.
Con Amor,
The Lady
2 comments:
It's still really inconsiderate to neglect to tell someone you aren't going to show up for a date!
Amen to that! Just say you're not going to show, that it's not a good idea, that you don't want to do it. Anything but leaving you wondering if he is dead! Not cool Southern Gentleman, not cool.
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