All My Friends

4/27/2014 The Charmer 2 Comments

Those of you who have been on missions will probably agree with the slightly exaggerated claim I am about to make:
ALL MY FRIENDS GOT MARRIED WHILE I WAS GONE!

Yes, so it seemed. While I was in Florida, my best friend would occasionally keep me updated on who among our friends was dating, engaged, and married, often accompanied by photos. I was convinced that when I came home to Facebook, I wouldn't recognize anyone's last names and all that would be on my newsfeed were honeymoon pictures and ultrasounds.

I figured I would come home and feel a bit like this little guy....

For the most part, it was true! (Okay, not the DEAD part, the "all of my friends are married" part.) There are still girls that pop up on my newsfeed with last names I don't recognize. There definitely are a lot of wedding dress pictures and new-mommy blog posts. But the more I started re-connecting with people, the more I was surprised by just how many of my friends weren't married. Especially because a lot of them are REALLY FANTASTIC people.

For example:

My charming friend Ace (whoa, Anti-Austen throwback!! I really had to dig to find this post)
The Ex (not to be confused with Mr. Director, who was promptly married after my departure)
The fabulous writers of this blog!
Matt Meese (Studio C fans, anyone?)
Zack Oates, fellow dating/relationship blogger and overall stud
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt....[oh wait....not relevant]

Of course, the list goes on. I look at some of the girls I've known since my freshman year and just think, Wow, she is AMAZING. I wonder why she's still single? Obviously, it's none of my business and frankly, I don't blame them. The idea of being married still kind of freaks me out and now that I can't just date people and use the "I'm-going-on-a-mission" safety net, the world of dating has gotten a little more frightening. Even though right now I am determined to just date people for fun and to get to know them, I can't help but turn off the glaring sign at the back of my brain that says "YOU ARE NOW DATING TO GET MARRIED" every time I step into a restaurant with a man.

But I'm curious....what are your thoughts? Why are so many amazing people avoiding tying the knot?

I have some of my own and I'm currently thinking up a post about it (it may mention "hanging out" vs. "dating," just to give you a sneak peek).

I've love to hear your take on the matter!

Love,

The Charmer

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Learning to Dance

4/15/2014 The Charmer 1 Comments

I'd planned on making this post a compilation of things I've learned about dating and marriage from my mission because I honestly didn't think I'd have any stories of interest to share with you.

But luckily, I went to my singles ward FHE last night. And so believe me, I've got things to share.

I'd really never attended a singles ward outside of my BYU student wards until a couple weeks ago. [Well, except for the 7 transfers of my mission that I was in YSA branches. But as a missionary, it's a VERY different story. That badge makes you untouchable! And I will have you all know that not ONCE did I "flirt to convert." Not my style at all.]
Actually, I really love the singles ward here in my home stake. I feel like it's exactly where God wants me to be right now. But oh, I have had a few experiences recently that are worthy of the next installment of The Singles Ward.

Even though I (obviously) had wild adventures with flirting and dating and the likes in my time at BYU, I feel like it really is a different game in these outside-of-Utah wards. [I'm sure that a few of you have stories to share, as well, and I would OBVIOUSLY love to hear them.]

First off, you'll be happy to know that after 6 weeks, I am finally beginning to get to the point where I feel like a normal human being rather than the socially awkward blob I was when I first arrived home. For the first few weeks, I avoided all social situations like the plague. I especially avoided gentlemen of my age. I got really good at sneaking away right as I could tell that one of them was going to approach me and try to initiate a conversation. Now, despite the fact that I still don't feel ANYWHERE near my charming old self, I've stopped running away (for the most part). And last night I actually danced with a couple of them.

Just for the record, the dancing-with-boys thing was NOT really on purpose. I unassumingly went to the potluck dinner the ward was having for FHE, expecting to eat a bit, chat a bit, meet some new people, and sneak out without having to interact too much with the opposite sex. HOWEVER, I was not informed that every potluck dinner turns into a dance afterwards. Although I stood on the fringes for a solid 10 minutes, eventually I eased my way towards the middle of the cultural hall with the coaxing of one of my new-found friends.
There I was, trying to get my groove back after 19 months of not dancing. To my surprise (and great sadness), it was gone. My dance groove was GONE. Dancing used to be one of my favorite things. And last night I couldn't for the life of me feel comfortable even doing the dang electric slide! (yup, it's not just your singles ward that stills plays this song at dances)

Anyway, when I'm at the point of debating whether or not I continue to rock back and forth awkwardly to music I don't know because it came out during the last 18 months or just leave and spare myself and others the embarrassment, they turn on a slow song. (WHY?!?) Okay, definitely my cue to leave. I was NOT about to slow dance with a boy. I quickly turned and began to dash away when A GUY STEPS IN FRONT OF ME. No, it wasn't an accident. Yes, he asked me to dance. Yes, I stared at him with my mouth half-open and mumbled, "Um...I'm kind of awkward at dancing right now...?" Instead of letting me retreat into the shadows of the cultural hall, he pulled me into his arms and said, "It doesn't matter. You are going to fall in love with me during the next 3 minutes."

And then, I kid you not, he really did spend the next 3 minutes trying to talk me into falling in love with him. The conversation was accompanied with a few smoldering looks from him as well. It was one of those things that started out as joke and just got taken WAY too far until I wasn't so sure if he was joking anymore. I think the climax of the conversation was this point:

ME: So...umm...what do you like to do when you're not going to school or church activities?

HIM: Well, I really like to exercise. Which would be good for you if you married me because I would come home and just rip off my shirt and then you could see my mesmerizing abs.

ME:

The conversation was downhill from there.

In the end, though, I survived. I was assaulted by one other slow dance (WHY WERE THERE 2 OF THOSE THINGS IN THE PLAYLIST?!) but it wasn't nearly as uncomfortable. I actually left the building with a smile on my face. Because as I looked around at all of us, I realized that we all looked a tad ridiculous. We are all a little awkward. We're all in this lovely stage of life together, and we're all looking for the same thing: we want to be loved. We want to belong. We want to feel respected and valued for who we are, whether we are the type of person who somehow manages to swing-dance across the cultural hall to every single song or the person who is just mastering the "sway in time with the music" thing. And isn't life about finding joy in the awkward moments? Isn't it about learning to dance, no matter WHO is watching? I think it most definitely is.

So, you know what? I'm kind of looking forward to the next impromptu cultural hall dance party, mesmerizing ab comments and all.

love,
the (less socially awkward than last week) charmer

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To fret or not to fret?

4/12/2014 The Lady 1 Comments

Everything in my life turns into a big deal. Even the things that mean positively nothing. But the things that might possibly mean something are the absolute worst. Because it could either mean something or mean nothing at all, and I don't know which it is. And I hate not knowing.

The thing of which I speak in particular revolves around The Counselor. Since our date several weeks ago, not much has happened. And yet some things have happened.

After I returned from spring break, the single wards here were combined. I came in late (because I am always late for church) and found a place in the back. The Counselor saw me come in and moved from his place up front to sit by me. A small victory, but I'll take it! The next Sunday I went to his ward and he was blessing the sacrament. When he had fulfilled his priesthood duty, he came and sat by me again. And both Sundays he ditched Sunday School to keep talking with me.

Apparently, the two of us sat suspiciously close on those Sundays because everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) has been asking if the two of us are dating. And my response is always, "Uh...er...no?" Which is as confusing to the listener as it is to myself.

The thing is, I don't know if The Counselor even wants to take me on a second date let alone date me. What if he's just friendly and doesn't necessarily like me? When we're together in person it all makes so much sense, but then he doesn't make any moves and I'm just lost.

But I'm taking a stand. This is my life, and I know what I want. I want to be pursued, like a proper lady. If he wants something to happen, he has to be the one to make it happen. Because I won't. I simply will not.

The Lady

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Return of The Charmer

4/09/2014 The Charmer 4 Comments

Lovely readers,
Remember me? The one who left behind boys and the rollercoaster ride of Provo dating to try out a different emotional rollercoaster, serving the Lord for 18 months in the foreign land of South Florida?

Well, regardless of whether or not you remember me....I am back! Yes, it is I, The Charmer! I am significantly less self-centered than before (thank goodness) and probably quite a bit less charming with the gentleman, considering the fact that the idea of being alone with them kind of scares me. But still, it's ME! Those 18 months FLEW by. It honestly doesn't feel real that I could be sitting at home. Didn't I just open that big white envelope? Wasn't I just writing on here about all that ridiculous drama with Mr. Director that was my love life? It's crazy and honestly a little heartbreaking how quickly the whole experience went by, but I must say that it truly was the most incredible experience of my life. To be quite honest, my heart is still in Miami!

Needless to say, making the decision to go on the mission instead of sticking around and getting married was the BEST decision I could have made. Florida was exactly where I needed to be. I grew so much as a person and had the opportunity to change a lot of lives; but most importantly, my OWN life was changed so drastically. A mission experience is one of those things you just can't quite explain to someone using words. I wish I could sum up for all of you the many things I learned, felt, and experienced, but there really aren't words that can quite describe it. Those of you who are returned missionaries can understand. As a missionary, you go from experiencing pure, utter joy one moment to crushing, heartbreaking rejection the next. [I guess the emotions of a mission are similar to those in a relationship, but on steroids. Haha.] But through it all, I learned a lot about submitting to the will of God, what faith IS and ISN'T, the process of becoming, and just how aware our Heavenly Father is of each one of us.

I was SO EXCITED when the age change was announced! (just 3 weeks after I'd arrived in Florida!) I'm sure it's affected a LOT of your lives, which is just so awesome. I was especially happy about it because it means that less girls have to make the painful "marriage or mission" decision that occupied so much of my attention in the months prior to leaving. A mission is SO worth the sacrifice and the time commitment. Hopefully many of you will be able to experience this great blessing.

In other news, I've become one of THOSE RMs...the ones I used to make fun of. (Karma!) I'm super awkward. Yup. I never thought it'd happen, but it did. On top of that, I'm still a little terrified of going on dates or hugging men. I have slowly been taking baby steps and went on my first "kind-of" date 2 Fridays ago (Okay, okay, so it was technically a date....but I'm saying "kind of" because he is just an old friend from high school and neither one of us is interested in each other. It was like a "catch up" session.) I warned him beforehand that I was going to be super awkward...and I was. At the end of the night I wouldn't hug him. I COULDN'T! Oh my. I just couldn't do it. So I shook his hand. It's fine, okay?! He also told me that when I answered the door I looked at him like he was an alien. But he was cool about me being awkward, so that was nice.

Then last Sunday I took another baby step and gave this kid in the singles ward my number when he asked for it. He and some friends from the ward were planning to hang out that night, but I couldn't go because I was giving a youth fireside where I talked about my mission and preparing to serve. So instead, he and one of the other guys decided to come to my fireside. It was really nice of them, and I appreciated them coming....but oh my, I was dying because the bishop made them introduce themselves (since obviously no one knew who they were). And then after they said they were from the singles ward, the young men's president yells out, "Ooh, she just got back and she's already bringing guys home." Yeah. Remember that one time I just met them today and now they're never going to talk to me again? Pretty sure I was bright red in front of everyone because I was so embarrassed. (Not to mention they happened to sit right behind my DAD, who was definitely enjoying a nice little chat with them...!) It's fine. I'm awkward. I've embraced it. (And luckily, at the time of publication of this post, I have also embraced my fair share of boys. I spent the last week in Utah and even had a few dates thrown in the mix.)

So...am I still charming? Will I still have fabulous date stories to share with you? Is there a Mr. Charming in my future? We'll have to see. For now I'm just trying to move forward and figure out what my next step is supposed to be. I promise to keep you updated on those steps, no matter how small they may be.

Oh, it certainly is strange to be home. But it's good. Life is so good, and I'm excited to see what's next on the agenda for me.

xoxoxo,

the (slightly socially awkward) charmer

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Donkey Kong and Dating

4/06/2014 The Blue Stocking 0 Comments

Have you guys ever played the old Nintendo version of Donkey Kong Country II? The one with the levels dedicated to riding balloons over lava? Well I sometimes relate my dating life to being a monkey on a balloon searching for air streams (time with guys) to keep me from plummeting into lava (spinsterhood). And by sometimes I mean I did it once and realized it perfectly described my life.

Let’s make this metaphor even more ridiculous. See I’m the type of monkey that doesn’t need to stay floating high in the air for a long time. In fact I don’t mind slowly floating closer and closer to the lava. All I really need is a spurt of air that keeps spinsterhood at bay.

Last week that spurt came in the form of James the very attractive guy I met at a YSA activity. Our interaction was light fun that buoyed me back up in the air. I was fine with it ending there. Oddly enough, I probably would have preferred it. Mostly because I don’t trust myself to make anything work out and I’d rather have the memory of a perfect night than another dating gone wrong story.

Well I didn’t get my way because he read my blog and started FB messaging me about it. Apparently he thought it was pretty funny and he didn’t originally think I was that witty.

I sometimes wonder if guys realize their compliments are actually quite rude. But thank goodness I now know how dull and dreary I am in person.

We’ve now been FB messaging for days about literature and movies and whatever else we can come up with. Finally a guy who likes to read! On Sunday he came up and asked me on a date. I guess this is happening?

-The Bluestocking

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