The Lucky Ones
Last Sunday we had a new member of the engaged society get
up and grace us with his knowledge on how to snag a mate for eternity.
Apparently his success rate of 1 out of 1 makes him an expert.
He listed off traits we need to learn if we too want to hear
wedding bells in the near future. He continued to go on and on about how if we
would just follow his directions, getting engaged isn’t out of our reach.
Guess what I think it takes to get married. Luck.
That’s it. You got lucky
You were in the right place at the right time and you ran
into someone. And that someone was not weird or smelled funny, but they made
you laugh and lit every nerve in your nervous body on fire. And miracle upon
miracle you didn’t mess it up and you got a moment. A moment to realize that
this person was special and you had to do anything in your power to make sure
you got more moments with them.
And the strangest part is they felt the same way.
So you went on in your moment-making and instead of being plagued
with misunderstandings and miscommunications threatening to tear you apart, you got each other in a way that no one got
you before. Then before you knew it “you fell in love the way you fall asleep:
slowly, and then all at once.”
So you took them home hand in sweaty hand hoping beyond hope
that your family and friends would not mess this up. And they didn’t. Yes, you somehow made it through
the chaos and you got your movie-fallinginlove-montage followed by a ring, a kiss, and a
wedding filled with I do's.
Lucky you.
I just want you to know one day I will get lucky too and I
don’t need advice straight from your love story filled with exceptions Mr. I just got engaged. I’m
doing just fine.
-The Bluestocking
9 comments:
So much angst.
Ha ha brilliant. This is exactly how I feel about getting daily dating advice. No one is an expert. Just let us do our own thing.
Me thinks the Bluestocking is a John Green fan. Or you saw the quote on tumblr and thought it was cool. I hope it's the first!
Anna,
It is the first! I love that you not only read The Fault in our Stars, but you also remember the quote. Such a beautiful book.
-Blue
I think you're right Blue Stocking! That's why I hate dating lessons in church, because there ain't much I can do to get a guy interested, let alone to be dating/married. It also reminds me of the only engaged girl in my freshman ward who went on and on and finished with "and then you'll find the love of your life like me!" Wanted to shoot myself.
I'm sorry you haven't met your Mr. Darcy yet, but I believe that getting married involves more than just luck.
In my old singles ward, there were a lot girls who wanted to get married but didn't know how to date (Ex. when our ward had a girl's choice dance, about 50% of the girls had a fit that they had to ask a boy out). We even a dating expert come in and give lessons on how to get dates. Girls need to learn to put themselves out there, to make compromises on their "Ideal Husband Qualities" list, and to have realistic expectations of guys.
You think that in order for us to get married we need to A. ask guys out. B. get dating advice (hmm I wonder if I'll have to look far to get some good ol fashion advice). C. put ourselves out there (a vague term I'll have you know) and D. lower our standards. You realize that we're going to end up marrying some lazy guy who doesn't have the decently to actually ask us out. Why in the world would I want to marry that. I'm not saying you can be a hermit and get married, but I am saying you don't have to do all of that. It sounds exhausting. I've seen girls throw themselves at guys and it never works. I've also seen girls do nothing and have guys all over them. I agree with the Blue Stocking, it's luck, or fate, or "the plan." In the end people keep trying to prescript the perfect way to go about dating and it never seems to help anyone. You will find someone that will fit you, not put you through an intense workout filled with frustration.
Amen! Well put. I always think the exact same thing. People make it sound like you just have to decide it and it will happen. You're right, people, I've been actively trying to NOT get married. haha Oh our culture....
Then there's the opposite school of thought, which says you'll get married as soon as you stop thinking about it. It worked for the person giving you the advice, so obviously it'll work for you too.
I'm 32 and still single. Do these people really think I've spent the past decade of my life consumed by thoughts of marriage? That would have been a pretty miserable existence. And at the same time, do the other people really think that I've never thought about getting married, and I just need their encouragement to make it happen?
I have received some personal, individualized advice that was useful, but this kind of generic advice based on whatever worked for the married person is less than helpful.
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