Over It

I hate dating.

Is it okay to say that?

I know there was a time as a freshman/sophomore/junior in college when I loved it. I loved flirting, I loved that satisfying feeling when the guy I'd had my eye on finally asked for my number, I loved picking outfits and getting all dolled up for dates, I loved coming home and discussing all the details with my roommates.

But now, just a few years later, I feel like I am so over it. This is obviously a problem if I ever plan on getting married (which, contrary to popular belief, I do). Because this is the time when it matters, right?! I'm finally at a place in life where I feel like, "Okay, I could get married...." and yet the very last thing I want to do is date.

I've just gotten to the point where I'm sick of going on dates, I'm sick of playing "the game," I'm sick of trying to decide whether or not to send a "post-date text" because I can't decide if I'm actually interested enough to pursue things further.

Maybe the problem is I just haven't been going on dates with anyone I've been particularly interested in. I did have a slight spark of excitement on Saturday when I got a call from Nevada (who I honestly thought had dropped out of the picture) asking me on a date. Unfortunately, he invited me to go see a show in Orem that he had JUST gotten tickets to. It started in 10 minutes and I was already in Salt Lake hanging out with some other friends. It was probably the most bummer moment of my week, realizing there was no way I was going to be able to make it down in time. We decided we'd do a rain check some other time...I'm hoping it actually happens.

I think all of this dating angst was probably brought on by the fact that yesterday I went on a 2nd date with a guy and on the way back to the car, out of the blue he reached over and grabbed my hand. My first reaction was complete and utter shock, since I felt like this move was totally unwarranted since as far as I could tell, I had not been giving off those sorts of vibes (no elbow touching or anything of that sort). My second reaction was that I felt a little ticked off. We'd just had a nice date and now he had to go and ruin it by putting me in an awkward position. I almost went all diva on him.

Maybe this is the feminist in me, but honestly, it made me feel a tad victimized. This wasn't the first time I've had a guy go for the hand-grab or even go for a kiss when I was totally not feeling it. Yet it seems there's this cultural expectation that as girls, when a guy makes a move we just need to go along with it.

I don't know. What do you think?

Also, is anyone else completely and totally over this whole dating thing? Maybe we should start a support group.

sigh,
the charmer

Blue and Sam's Bookstore Adventure

After my nightcall with Henry I was feeling loads better about life and I was trying my darndest to not fret over the date with Sam. I was also wondering if Henry and Sam had chatted about the phone calls that went down last Sunday.

Sam shed some light on that when he texted me on Monday commending me for “getting straight up” with Henry. He went on to say Henry deserved it for being so boneheaded and Sam had told him so last week. Then he said the oh-so-famous lines “he’s just inexperienced.”

Let me just say that comment INFURIATES me. I told Sam that I was tired of guys using the excuse of being inexperienced to do whatever they want to someone else. At some point you just need to be a decent person. 

Now can we talk about how weird it is that they are not only talking to each other about this, but Sam is telling me what they are talking about? It’s not ok.

Friday night Sam picked me up and we headed to a local used bookstore. Yes, this was another bookstore date. I can't help myself!

We traveled up and down each aisle picking up our favorite reads trying to convince the other why this novel would change their soul when we both came upon The Great Gatsby and uttered the same quote allowed. It was possibly the nerdiest moment I’ve had and I would re-live it any day.

Afterwards we had a solid conversation about our lives and families and passions. Honestly, I wasn't expecting much from this date and it shocked me how much I enjoyed being around Sam. And while I don’t like comparing the guys I date, it was hard not to notice Sam was more apt to dig deeper then Henry.  

Does this mean I like him? Maybe. I just don’t know. 

-The Bluestocking

Nightcall

This weekend I went to church not knowing what to expect with Henry. Would we talk? Would there be an awkward you’re-dating-my-friend vibe? The answer to those questions is no. Henry is Henry after all and everything with him is high fives and laughs all around.

After sacrament we had a brief 5 minute flirt fest that sent me reeling. How dare he flirt with me? How dare he act as is he has done nothing wrong while I have to sit through relief society and listen to Lucy Steele go on and on about how Henry needs her and how she helps him through all his problems because he’s a dumb dumb.

I didn’t completely disagree with her.

When I got home from church I noticed I had a missed call from Sam. I snapped. Here I was caught in this uncomfortable situation, complaining that I had no control, when I realized I have control. This is my life and if I want answers then by golly I will get my answers.

I quickly sent a “we need to talk text” to Henry. He texted me back, but I knew this was something I needed to hash out voice to voice. That’s when I called him and calmly said that I deserved an explanation as to why a guy would date me for over two months, plan a date the following week, stand me up, and then go back to flirting with me on Sundays. 

I believe I even laughed because why not sound crazy. 

Henry decided to use the cliché and disappointing excuse that he "forgot" the date we spent a day planning. Then he said he felt like I didn’t have feelings for him so he stopped liking me. Classic.

Ok. Now I would have accepted that from past guys, but I felt like I was different with Henry. The week before he decided I didn’t like him, I invited him to watch a movie with me, then I invited him to dinner, AND THEN I asked him to the girl ask guy dance. 

Yeah…it would be really hard gauging a girls feelings when she continues to ask you to do stuff with her.

But I didn’t bring any of this up, and this is why. Midway through his explanation something inside of me just clicked off. It was as my brain flipped the “I like Henry” switch and I was done. In that moment I just felt that I was so much better that the pathetic excuses this man-child was offering me.  

Also, I need to say this. I know Henry's a good guy. I honestly do. I know he lacks dating experience and he probably didn't know how I was feeling, but I wish he would have handled it differently. 

He could have easily said, “hey I didn’t feel like we were a good match and I’m sorry I wasn’t upfront about how I was feeling.” Boom. It’s not that hard. Now I get to analyze all of my actions on our past dates. Could I have been more forward? Why did I keep holding back? Is it possible that this is kinda sorta my fault??

The blame game's a hoot. 

Once I hung up with Henry, I called Sam back only to realize he was watching the game with a group of guys that included Henry. AWKWARD. Anyways, I have a date with Sam this Friday. 

-The Bluestocking

P.S Obsessed with this song and it was playing while my nightcall went down. Quite the coinky dink. 

Sam

This last Monday for FHE we had a Stake activity and Sam texted me earlier that day saying we needed to get a group to go together. Yes please. Once there Sam asked me where Henry was. I replied that he should know more than I. That quickly turned into a what-in-the-world-happened-to-you-two convo. Sam said the last he heard Henry was taking me out to dinner and I explained that that was the last I heard as well.

As I explained my past month, Sam sat shocked at his friend’s callous behavior. He finally responded that someone needed to tell Henry this was not ok and he would be the one to do it.

Then, being the friend that he is, Sam tried to defend Henry. He said that dear Henry had actually never dated anyone before and even though he seems perfectly capable; he has no idea what he is doing. To which I said even a fool knows you don’t ask a girl out and then not take her. 

We went on to discuss how nothing made sense and even though the conversation seems serious in tone, it was actually quite funny. Once we were done with that we entered into a lively hour discussing our love of literature and whether Milton was a better writer than Shakespeare.

It was a great night and Cali pointed out that Sam had learned more about my feelings and passions in one night than Henry had in two months.

After FHE, Sam and I spent the next couple of days sending each other our favorite literary essays. It was the perfect nerd fest. Sam is fantastic, that being said I don’t know how I feel about him, but it’s nice to have some distraction from the Henry dramalama.

But with our chats becoming more frequent, does that mean Sam has talked to Henry? And if so, what did Henry say about everything, “meh, you can have her?”

Things with Sam continued to pick up and yesterday he invited me to an impromptu drive about town. We talked Emerson, Wilde, Woolf, and even Austen. He is outstanding. And as I sat there talking to him I kept telling myself he’s fantastic he’s fantastic, but I still have this sinking feeling that something is missing. 

I think my biggest problem is Henry. I spent the last couple of months falling for a guy and entering into a relationship (if I can call it that) of ease and hilarity with someone I truly connected with. I miss us and I don’t know if you can miss someone while dating their best friend. 

-The Bluestocking

P.S. Also, I called Henry tonight... Post to follow!

When it Rains, it Pours

Well, another week of EFY down. No wild drama with my co-counselor this week, sorry to disappoint. My girls were the younger group and I think they talked about boys a maximum of two times. I guess it was nice to have a break from the relentless antics of 16-year-old hopeless romantics, especially after a few of the more awkward moments that happened at the end of last week with Logan (this included one of my girls at the dinner table leaning over to him and demanding that he take a picture with me).

Despite the fact that I [probably prematurely] decided that Logan was possibly too wild and a tad too awkward, I found myself thinking about him a LOT this week. Dang it, guess this was more than just your typical EFY "crush of the week!" Since I'd gotten over Nevada so quickly, I kind of figured Logan might end up the same way. But I actually found myself really missing him this week. Unfortunately, I don't actually have anything promising to report. He texted me once this week but that was it.

However, surprisingly to me, my love life IS starting to pick up. After a dry spell of 7 weeks of zero dates and zero guys seemingly interested, all of a sudden I have men popping up in my life.

So, I have a confession. Before my mission, I used to take my ability to charm men for granted. Since returning home, I feel like I completely lack the ability to charm anyone and thus am genuinely surprised when it happens. Well, apparently it's been happening. As a result, I have been a little bit on the "rather shocked" side this week.

First off, I have a blind date of sorts tomorrow evening. It's one of those "Hey, I'm a friend of your friend and I saw you on Facebook and how about we go get dinner?" I'll admit, I'm a little nervous. My social life has been primarily composed of teenage boys this summer. And remember how I'm still trying to shake those awkward RM vibes? EFY hasn't given me a lot of practice knowing what to do when I'm alone with a man at dinner, much less a man I don't even know.

I was nervous enough about that date when I opened my email and discovered that one of the counselors I had worked with last week had sent me a message. It was totally out of the blue and it read as follows:

Hey Charmer,
I just wanted to take a second to tell you that I think you are absolutely gorgeous, a great counselor, and that I would like to take you on a date sometime. I'm sorry this is over e-mail and not in person, I wanted to talk to you Saturday morning before leaving but never got the chance. I'll be working in ***** next week but after the 20th I'll be back in Utah and would love to see you again and get to know you a little better. If you'll be available and would like to do something, please let me know. I guess I'm just trying to say that I just met you and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe...haha.

Honestly, my first reaction when I read this was, Wait....ME?!

I was super surprised, since a) it was so unexpected and b) I think I've become convinced that I am super awkward around boys and super unattractive in EFY polos and thus no one in their right minds would be interested. But I emailed him back and let him know that I'd love to get together some time.

As if that wasn't ENOUGH craziness for one day (I thought it was), later that night when I logged onto Facebook I had a message from an elder who served with me in my mission. It was sort of the same gist...Hey, just wanted to know when you're working EFY in Provo because I'd love to catch up with you! We could go grab dinner or something!

I guess it's true what they say--"When it rains, it pours." After my little dry spell I've now been hit by a downpour of potential suitors.

Maybe I'm a little more charming than I thought I was...?

Anyway, my roommate this week thought these twists in my love life were pretty hilarious. So she gave me a copy of "TWO" magazine, the new dating publication put out by BYU. It's a gem. Basically, I should be set. Bring it on, blind date!

xoxo,
the charmer

"I am persuaded that you can be as insincere as your neighbours, when it is necessary" -Emma

Last week, Henry continued to pretend like nothing happened between us and Lucy Steele continued to live stream their blooming relationship via FB so that’s fun. Henry's doing such a great job friend-zoning me that I have trouble remembering us dating. Did it actually happen or did I make the last couple of months up? Either way, I know I need to talk to him, I'm just choosing my moment.  You know, I've heard November is a splendid time for awkward confrontations. 

Anyhoo, after spending so much time stressing over my non-relationship with Henry, I decided I needed to buck it up and be awesome. One of you commented that I needed to show him I had options AND I was thinking the same thing.  

I had an opportunity to scout out new options at Henry’s 4^th of July party which Henry invited me to. He’s the worst. I showed up towards the end. I had, after all, better things to do…ok I didn’t, but he didn’t need to know that.

I strolled into his house around 10, threw a “hey” his way and joined a group of guys in his family room for a lively chat. Can I just say it was a great night. I thought it would be terrible, but it was oodles of fun and the guys there were outstanding and included Henry’s bestie Sam whom I met while double dating with Henry.  

Saturday night we had stake conference and Sam came and sat by me. Important facts about Sam: he was an English major, he is law school bound and he sports man scruff.  After conference a couple of the guys from the night before reintroduced themselves and suggested we go grab ice cream. It ended up being Cali, me, and nine guys. The odds were most definitely in our favor.

I also need to mention that on Saturday night Mrs. Bennet came up to me and said that since Henry had meetings tomorrow morning she was worried Lucy Steele wouldn’t have a ride to stake conference and she asked me to reach out and invite her.

While no was what I wanted to say, my goal was to be awesome, and awesome I would be. I invited Lucy Steele to join our carpool and guess who never texted me back? She did however make it to conference and was happily glued to Henry the rest of the day.

After stake conference they had a dinner for us singles to mingle at. So far I had successfully avoided Hucy (Henry + Lucy and it's pronounced hussy because it makes me happy inside) all day and was on my way out when I passed a table that contained Hucy and Sam. Sam called out insisting I join them. I sat for a total of 5 minutes and pulled out my most witty and carefree self then left, but not before Sam suggested we hang out again.

Welp, I guess hanging out with Henry's bestie would be the perfect thing to make things more interesting/confusing/weird, so why not. 

-The Bluestocking 

Lucy Steele

First of all, thank you for all your comments! I was blown away when I checked the blog today. It's just nice to know I'm not the only one who's gone through this. And while the non-date went down a week and a half ago, I’m still trying to decide what I can live with: the not-knowing or the possible rejection. The biggest problem is I want to know, but I’m a pansy and he’s continued to flirt with me since. Also, all kinds of weirdness has been happening as of late so I’m going to try and get you caught up this week.

The week after the non-date Henry got himself a little fan. Let’s call her Lucy Steele.

Lucy came into the picture about a month ago and while I knew she had a thing for Henry's friend, I never thought she would jump ships especially if I was in the picture. Well that changed last week when she decided to make it very apparent something is happening with ol Henry. His facebook for the past week and a half has been peppered daily with inside jokes, pictures, and comments commending him for his good looks. No joke, she literally commented on several of his old profile pictures about how handsome he is. 

I’ve decided to be the bigger person and bottled up my feelings in a healthy fashion. So at last week’s FHE when Lucy Steele came up to me I plastered on a happy face and asked her how her weekend was. She went on to not only tell me the details on her weekend, but to list all the things her and Henry had been up to that week. Things that Henry and I had previously planned to do together.

You may be thinking, oh Lucy probably didn’t know you and Henry were a thing. Um, no, she did. We’ve actually talked about it before. She’s truly a delight. And I got to stand there as she went on and on talking about how much fun they were having.

The only thing that could have made the situation worse was if Henry came up. Which is what happened. He high fived both of us and stayed around to flirt for about 10 minutes. When he went to leave, Lucy asked him to come over later that night to help her with something.

Needless to say I picked up Ben and Jerry’s before I started writing this post. 

-The Bluestocking

Camp-out Aftermath

After the confusion that was the ward camp-out, things with Henry changed. It felt like someone smacked him upside the head and told him to step up. Bless that culprit. The week that followed we spent more time together and I even asked him to the stake girl ask guy dance. Granted Cali was in charge of it and basically forced me, but still I asked a guy out. It was a big deal.

Sadly he was gone that weekend so the dance didn’t happen, BUT he did say he would make it up to me with dinner and an adventure that next Friday and we spent the day hashing out the details to our coming date.  

With Henry gone that weekend, we kept in contact with witty texts throughout the day. On Sunday I had rando girls approaching me to declare they were pro Blenry. It was as if overnight we had become that ward couple that people rooted for/despised. I kinda loved it. AND maybe, just maybe, this would make Henry’s friends stop asking me out.  

I went to FHE excited for a Blenry reunion, but twas not so. Instead Henry got to know another girl. To say I was hurt is an understatement. I decided to keep calm and wait for Friday’s date to see what was going on.

But then something funny happened. And by funny I mean devastating. He didn’t take me out for our planned Friday date. He simply ignored me. No texts. No calls. Nothing.

So I spent Friday night watching When Harry Met Sally on t.v. and downing the biggest milkshake I could find in town. At least I’m eating again? On Sunday a family obligation took me from a run in with Henry and instead left me with family members tormenting me with questions like “How’s Henry?” and "You had a date this weekend, right?".

It was definitely a low point.

Now here’s the thing, I didn’t realize you could date someone for over two months and have them ignore you. I feel ever relationship passes a point where you can’t just walk away without a word and we passed that point a month ago.

What’s a girl to do: confront him or take a hint and leave him alone?

-The Bluestocking

More [Really Unexciting] EFY Updates

So I was hoping if I tried to update you regularly this week I'd have something fab to report.

Instead, I have this:

I'm #givinguponlove.

Yup. I'm pretty sure I'm going back to square one...aka no prospects, no crushes,  and #foreversingle. Today I discovered that Logan is probably crazy. I mean, I know we don't get much sleep at EFY, but today I was led to believe that the boy is certifiably NUTS. With or without sleep.

To his credit, though, he's still "intimidatingly cute" (as one of my girls referred to him) and hilariously funny at times and he seems to have most of his priorities in order. Solid testimony and all that.

But....all I'm saying is I saw a side of him today that made me realize he may be a little much for me. Like the whole maniacal laughter thing.....? Yeah. I don't know about that.

Oh and also I want to eat all the Oreos in the world.

sigh,
the charmer

PS- Random Anti-Austen throwback: My co this week is Mr. Complimentary. You probably don't even remember him, it was so long ago!

The Campout

The annual ward campout was a trying two days. While I wanted to drive up with Henry, he played the dutiful son and went early to set up. I drove into the campsite later that night, spotting Henry waiting for me in the main building. As he approached a weird vibe descended. It was as if we were meeting for the first time; each unsure what to say or how to act. The events that followed proved we were a little too content to hang out with other people instead of each other.

Towards the end of the night I found myself sitting with Calvin and Cali when I looked up and there was Henry crossing the room to settle in beside me and finally the weird vibe dissipated.  

The one on one time was exactly what we needed, but as our conversation continued on I had the nagging worry Henry was turning me into his little fan girl instead of his equal. I’m all for listening to a guy’s tales of glory, but I need to at least get a word in edgewise. Even with this thought going through my head, I was hoping we might stay up and get to the bottom of all the confusion.  But as everyone headed for bed, Henry abruptly got up and left without a word.

I went to bed frustrated and woke up in foul mood, but I was determined to make the most of my time in the woods.  I spent the morning playing games with a group of guys, and Henry was nowhere to be found. On my way back to my tent I ran into Henry who announced he was going hiking with a group of friends. I waited for a “you should come” but apparently that was a silly assumption.

I spent the rest of the day thoroughly confused. And the confusion doubled when Smitie, Henry’s cousin, called me up to go on a lunch date. RAGE.

I told Smitie I was still in the mountains, because I was, and went in search of something to punch.

After my fruitless plight to punch, I went back to the guys I was with before and had a smashing morning. Who needs Henry to have fun! Ok I do...but I’m working with what I have. I also got trapped into a grand two hour convo with the leaders about what more I should be doing to snag my eternal mate. 

I stayed up that night worrying about my next interaction with Henry. Did his behavior on the campout mean he wasn't feeling us anymore? And if that was true, how in the world was I going to make it through church without having a mini breakdown. 

That Sunday I entered the chapel and swiftly made my way to my bench, head down, heart pounding. I barely had time to open the program when I saw Henry approaching from the side. I stood up to greet him and his arm went around me and the flirting commenced. I guess that’s a good sign? After sacrament I passed the library which contained not just Henry, but Smitie. Henry, upon seeing me, called out insisting that I not only join him but I stay by his side. Smitie refused to make eye-contact.

I’m a terrible person. A happy person, but a terrible one all the same. The happiness level doubled when Henry joined me for a movie that night. Maybe I was worrying for nothing.

-The Bluestocking