tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936537874847344814.post739648873145791431..comments2024-01-30T01:52:44.135-07:00Comments on The Anti-Austen: Dear Dream Girl: A guest postThe Anti-Austenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11970646614276309244noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936537874847344814.post-61713174300566031312013-02-13T22:12:50.794-07:002013-02-13T22:12:50.794-07:00Dear Erstwhile Admirer,
My roommate said somethi...Dear Erstwhile Admirer,<br /> <br />My roommate said something the other night that was actually pretty profound, she said, "If something doesn't go the way it was planned, it went the way it was supposed to." This girl was just another lesson that you needed to learn until you finally reach your real "dream girl". Us girls are all different, but that's what makes life fun right? Good luck! Don't give up!Haley Dennishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18442590000609703172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936537874847344814.post-45303708379662116312013-02-11T12:59:29.551-07:002013-02-11T12:59:29.551-07:00I wrote the first anonymous comment, and I'm s...I wrote the first anonymous comment, and I'm stepping out just because I don't want to be lumped with the overly harsh naysayers, nor do I wish to be grouped with the sycophants. There are some things I like about your letter, and some that I didn't. But I already said everything I have to say on that.<br /><br />Anyways, the real reason I'm commenting again is to share an excellent article I found this morning. It seemed applicable (as well as witty).<br /><br />http://www.wired.com/underwire/2013/01/alt-text-nice-guy/Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05120155038201903839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936537874847344814.post-64423660809450755782013-02-09T15:01:00.447-07:002013-02-09T15:01:00.447-07:00Dear man who authored this very open letter,
Firs...Dear man who authored this very open letter,<br /><br />First, let me answer your question.<br /><br />I want someone who sees life as a quest, an adventure. Someone with whom I can relax and laugh my not-for-the-public laugh around and who I can talk with for hours. One who will dance with me, will give me space when I need it, and will express his feelings when he's feeling them.<br /><br />In other words, it really is differnt for everyone, although we all want love and understanding. I can't remember where I got it, but this quote has helped me relax and trust the Lord a little more in the dating part of my life.<br /><br />"The wrong one is the right one to lead you to the best one."<br /><br />Best of luck! Life really is beautiful! =)Marigoldnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936537874847344814.post-86212187533481568742013-02-09T14:03:22.375-07:002013-02-09T14:03:22.375-07:00What do I want? HA HA! Do I even know what I wan...What do I want? HA HA! Do I even know what I want? I will tell you something. It changes. All. The. Time. I can't even explain it. I was thinking about this post all night but mostly what you asked and what my answer to you would be. And I was shocked when I really started to answer it myself. I want to be seen as strong and ambitious and independent. But I want to be with a protector, someone who will let me stay home with our children, and someone I could not bear to live without. Hmm, those last three things undo the first three things. Girls! My goodness, we are a confusing bunch. I can't even figure myself out, so I can only wish you the best of luck and divine intervention. For that is the only way I see it happening for me! Ha haAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936537874847344814.post-34246347612263315572013-02-09T12:55:12.010-07:002013-02-09T12:55:12.010-07:00And this is the very reason that dating is so hard...And this is the very reason that dating is so hard. Ignore the naysayers Erstwhile Admirer. I think you are awesome for sharing this! I do not find you creepy, crazy, mental or on the verge of murdering her. I see a vulnerable person trying their best to put themselves out there in hopes that someone will feel the same. Some of us jump in and put much more of us out there, and that is why it is so painful. I see so much of myself in you. Doesn't always happen the way we want it does it? In fact more often than not, it happens exactly the way we don't want it to happen. I am with the Romantic on this one. I am definitely looking for you. Keep on doing what you are doing, because you will find her, and you will be treated as you deserve, and she will be truly lucky to have someone who cares for her as much as you do and will. She will know she is standing on holy ground, as you are with her, and you will see each other as you really are, children of God with infinite worth and potential. I think we forget that it really is holy ground when someone lets us into our hearts like that, not just in relationships, but friendships. Not saying one should get married after a second date, but we really have to be more kind and understanding of one another. We are different and that is great! But don't beat him down just because he is not someone you would be attracted to. Agree to disagree...move on. Dating can be and is ruthless. Please don't feel or think that all girls out there feel like those in the comments. Girls that appreciate people like you are out there! Again, hat off to you friend, and happy dating, and hopes to you that she comes soon!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936537874847344814.post-14010924578795386642013-02-09T12:14:05.267-07:002013-02-09T12:14:05.267-07:00I love that it was intelligent, ambitious, spiritu...I love that it was intelligent, ambitious, spiritual, kind, modest, and THEN beautiful. Let's be honest, there has to be at least a little attraction there, but it doesn't have to come before any of those other fantastic qualities. I love that you do all those good things (church related, career related, and things to be well-rounded, cultured, and fun). Keep it up. It only takes one if it's the right one.<br /><br />To the uncrazy girl(s): no offense, but have you never been crazy about someone? Creeper stalking and voyeuristic admiring counts here. Have you never secretly hoped the ward hottie got your number and is going to text you? I find it hard to believe you can't relate. Have you never gushed about a date to your roommates and daydreamed that guy right into your ten-years-in-the-making wedding plans? Just saying.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936537874847344814.post-40487172504603550652013-02-09T11:51:00.243-07:002013-02-09T11:51:00.243-07:00Ouch...we anonymous girls can be mean! I thought ...Ouch...we anonymous girls can be mean! I thought it was a lovely letter. I don't think he painted Dream Girl in a villainous light at all...he just wondered what he could've/should've done (move more quickly? Etc.). We girls experience the same thing. Guy asks us out, we have a great time, are elated to get asked out a second time, get giddy about every text or glance, have a great time on the second date and seem to share chemistry, and then...nothing. The next time we see him, he's practically engaged to another girl and we're left to wonder what happened (did we not seem interested enough? Should WE have asked him over? Put our hand out there to hold? Made him cookies after the first date? ??). He doesn't owe us anything, no, but there are still confused feelings when there was a perceived connection and then there's a sudden end. <br /><br />EA, I think Romantic's right. We're looking for you. You are careful, cautious, and understand that both parties in a relationship deserve to be admired and treated well. That makes for a healthy partnership. The hard part is what you described. But we're here. And at least for me, it gives me hope that you (or guys like you) are out there searching too. Don't give up. And don't get discouraged by responses here. You know your heart and there's a girl who's gonna love that heart of yours the way you deserve. ;). Thanks for sharing your view from the other side of the street. I kinda hope you find me standing on the corner (five cool points if you name that tune!),Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936537874847344814.post-71197908844753682652013-02-09T11:32:50.624-07:002013-02-09T11:32:50.624-07:00Dear erstwhile admirer guy:
You are the worst. Wh...Dear erstwhile admirer guy:<br /><br />You are the worst. Why would any girl want to date a guy who obsesses over them? It sounds like you're one major mental break away from murdering this "dream girl" of yours. ("But we went on TWO dates! and I found her in couch with another man the next day!") When you say things like "But she appeared to recognize that someone who was that genuinely crazy about her was worth a chance" that's kind of scary because...most of us do not want to be with a genuinely crazy person (unless they're extremely wealthy, but then we'll call you "eccentric" instead of "crazy"). It's probably not worth giving you a chance if you're genuinely crazy, because the risks probably outweigh the rewards here.<br /><br />To be clear: I would rather be single than be with a guy who is "genuinely crazy about me". <br /><br />Also, it's super troubling that you meet an attractive girl, ask her out based solely on her looks, and then obsess over her, then say you're a nice guy. Sounds like you're a creepy guy to me.<br /><br />-not crazy enough to date youAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936537874847344814.post-5982217871515341882013-02-09T11:28:45.561-07:002013-02-09T11:28:45.561-07:00How did your "dream girl" *not* handle i...How did your "dream girl" *not* handle it well? You went on two dates; you weren't in a relationship when she chose someone else. She doesn't owe you anything.Alexandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14997232563204893780noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936537874847344814.post-3069735530616537042013-02-09T11:18:25.792-07:002013-02-09T11:18:25.792-07:00@Anonymous(es): You all have good points. You'...@Anonymous(es): You all have good points. You're right, it's a pretty whiney letter, and it does have a lot of self-pity. And it was a little overboard on painting myself as a great guy (that's a stretch even on a good day, I have to admit). Just FYI, I wrote it a long time ago as a way to try to deal with those feelings. Fortunately, I'm over it now. <br /><br />My intent when submitting it wasn't to castigate girls in general, although I can see it as having that effect (if it made you feel that way, I apologize). It was just to express the frustrations on the other end of the dating 'street'. <br /><br />However, you're off-base if you read the letter and thought I painted 'Dream Girl' as a villain for not returning my feelings. And you're out of line to respond the way you did. It's easy to attack someone or someone's feelings anonymously. <br /><br />I hoped that girls who read the letter wouldn't feel bad or guilty about the times they haven't felt the same way about a guy who really liked them; I just hope that if/when you are in that situation, please handle it well. <br /><br />Regards,<br /><br />"Erstwhile Admirer"Erstwhile Admirernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936537874847344814.post-45374837873095202872013-02-09T10:27:02.277-07:002013-02-09T10:27:02.277-07:00Good grief. What is it with all of these self-pro...Good grief. What is it with all of these self-proclaimed "nice guys" that makes them think that any girl who isn't immediately in love with them is some sort of blind, stupid, villain?<br /><br />I don't know the LW's particular circumstances, but here's what I can hypothesize: she doesn't like you! She's not attracted to you; there's no chemistry; whatever. Move on, and don't paint her to be some horrible woman who doesn't treat you the way you "deserve" to be treated.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936537874847344814.post-3017607448872947712013-02-08T10:50:51.840-07:002013-02-08T10:50:51.840-07:00Where am I? I am the average-looking girl you nev...Where am I? I am the average-looking girl you never noticed in class. I'm the un-flamboyant character in your ward. I'm the shy-until-you-know-me person in your FHE group. But I AM intelligent. I am witty and fun. And while I don't want to be put on a pedestal (is there even one around here for the average types?), it's hard for me to be passed over for the "dream girls", knowing that I am a good person with a good heart who also "deserves" to be treated well. I am the roommate who makes fun and pleasant conversation with you while your beautiful/amazing date beautifies/amazifies herself. :) I'm not bitter about the things I don't have. I'm confident in my attributes and abilities. But sometimes...oh, sometimes, it's just hard not to wonder where the good guys are for me. I guess you were asking what more we are looking for. Honestly, it sounds like you've got it. Except in my case, I'm gonna need someone who can recognize my spirit and know that given a chance, I AM that amazing/beautiful/fun/intelligent/spiritual girl. Easier said than done in the land of Total Package Girls. ;)<br /><br />Best wishes,<br />Plain Jane<br /><br />--not saying I don't workout or try or anything. I enjoy being active. I just don't have amazing hair and my face isn't supermodel material and I can't spend loads on a super-trendy , ever-needing-updating wardrobe. Not that my clothes are frumpy either! I dress sensibly and my clothes are more classic styles that endure time. You know, so I can wear them longer than one season. Maybe I just need to be more high maintenancey? ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936537874847344814.post-17309555531261906222013-02-08T09:37:17.042-07:002013-02-08T09:37:17.042-07:00This is sweet and adorable, but I can say that I, ...This is sweet and adorable, but I can say that I, personally, am not looking to be adored and told how amazing/beautiful/funny/spiritual/intelligent/admirable I am (though all of those things are obviously true). I am looking for someone who is willing to be a partner in a relationship, not just tick off all the boxes. There has to be a give and take. If all you, kind sir, do is give (as it sounds like you did in this short-lived relationship), it won't get you very far- and you'll end up taking nothing home with you but a broken heart. <br /><br />If, on a date, you find yourself doing all the talking, asking all the questions, but see that she is doing little of that herself, cut and run before it's too late (i.e. before you're too emotionally invested to make an easy exit). She's too uninterested/interested in herself to make you a good partner. While she might not be interested enough to make any kind of investment in your relationship, someone else surely will be. Don't waste your time with people who make you question your value the way you do in this letter. Keep your head up and move forward with hope :)<br /><br />(and lest everyone think I'm a self-obsessed jerk, I was kidding in my comment about how awesome I am)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com