Wants vs. Needs and Steak vs. Hamburger
For some, relationships come easily. For some, love finds them. For some, the first love is the right love.
For me, I struggle to settle down. For me, I struggle to find what I think love ought to be. For me, the first (and not even the second) love was not the right love.
I have a wise aunt who was not married until her early 30s, which in the 1970s I assume was much more of an anomaly than it is now. At a family reunion recently, we had a long conversation about my dating life, which I sorely needed. I told her all my woes and worries, and she was more than understanding. My Aunt Gardiner brushed aside all my fears about getting older and not getting any closer to finding a husband claiming that even though she wasn't married until she was "older" herself, she is "just as married as anybody else is."
Then we had a long talk about quality men. My Aunt Gardiner told me that my Uncle Gardiner was not her ideal man. This shocked me as I had only seen extreme affection between my aunt and uncle, which has sometimes proven to be be slightly uncomfortable to witness as they are in their 60s. My Aunt Gardiner noted my somewhat panicked expression and clarified that although my Uncle Gardiner was not what she thought her ideal was, he turned out to be what she needed. Which in the long run is infinitely better. She made the analogy of loving steak, that steak was her meat of choice, but she was perfectly happy with hamburger. I am not terribly fond of meat analogies, but it was her analogy not mine, so I'll not tamper with it.
I do have an ideal. Some dark-haired, deep-voiced semi-giant of a man who can sweep me off my feet both physically and with his clever jokes and intimidating intelligence. But ideals are silly aren't they? When has anyone ever ended up with an ideal? When have plans ever fallen perfectly into place?
But then again, has there ever been a time when what we have wanted has not been trumped by what we have needed? And shouldn't our needs be more important than our wants?
Con Amor,
The Lady
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